Guess what time it is! It’s story time! YAY ! Oh no, what’s that? You don’t care? I don’t blame you *cries* And yes, that is me digging for gold.
I’m here to talk about demon children. Why? Cause I can. Because I dear internet, was in fact, a demon child. One of those kids that you would actually question how the parents never killed it. I was that fucking child! I was destructive, calculated, expensive and just flat out freaking annoying!
As a child, I would put my parents in debt. I had this curious and mischievous nature about me that liked to take shit apart. Not just any shit. Not my toys, not random shit lying around. Not this kid. I would take apart telephones, remote controls, stereo systems, gaming systems, and VCRs. Of course I could take it apart, that was easy part. The hard part was putting it back together again! I never could, so it would just end up being a pile of motherboards, wires, buttons, and other tiny pieces. My parents loved having to go shopping weekly to replace my bad hobby… NOT! Shit like that is expensive and adds up.
My parents till this day, tell me what a destructive kid I was. I think ultimately the best story I was ever told was the time I thought the VCR was hungry, so I decided to feed it a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! HAHAAA! I freaking die even just writing about it! Apparently one day they went to put in a tape to watch a movie and it wouldn’t go. After trying to force it, they took the tape out to notice peanut butter all over the side of it, looked into the VCR, and saw the sandwich! Haha! When questioned, I replied with -” I thought it was hungry” … WoW Jenn. *sigh*
As I got older, I switched to my obsession with fire. I would play with matches, lighters, candles, our gas stove. If it had fire, it was hours of fun. I would set paper, clothes, toys, blinds, and myself on fire. One day, I got ahold of my fathers Zippo and ended up dropping it on the carpet in the upstairs hallway. While it was lit I might add. Umm, I think it’s safe to say we all know what happen. The carpet set on fire and I was grounded for 2 months… I forgot to mention slapped the shit out of as well. *tear* my ass met the wooden spoon that day multiple times. I guess I deserved it.
In my teenage years, looking back, I can confidently say I scared the shit out of my mom. I’m 100% sure she thought I was possessed and need exorcism. I went through a phase where I enjoyed listening to heavy mental rock, like Slipknot and Rammstein religiously. Not because there was a problem, but because I genuinely liked the music. I will never forget the day I asked her for the Slipknot CD for Christmas. She didn’t know who they were, so she agreed and bought it. The album she picked up was the Vol. 3 (The Subliminal Verses).. I remember her telling me, she literally thought ‘What the fuck’ to herself when she saw the cover work. That day when I received the CD, I shortly went to my room to play it. Within 4-5 minutes, she had made her way up to my room, slowly opened my door with scared wide eyes, walked over to the CD player, took the disk out, didn’t take the case, and as she walked out said- ” we are going to church right now, go get dressed” …. But MOM! – “No! There is clearly something seriously wrong with you! Lets go!”
Hahahah! Oh mom! You kill me.
I literally had to start listening to shit like Celine Dion and Gwen Stefani just to make her happy, and most importantly, stop trying to drag me to church. What I would put myself through for them.. Jeez.
Not much later on in my teen years I started listening to beats. Don’t even get me started on how I hated Gino’s and Gina’s! So stupid! But I kinda liked the music, so sure. Why the fuck not. The only thing I never understood was ‘Glow-sticking’ how the hell was that considered dancing?!? But I’ll try anything once. I’m adventurous like that .
So! One day my mom was on her way to the dollar store, so I had asked her to pick me up ‘glows-sticks’ “Mom, I want the big ones! The ones with the string attached to them! Get me 2 please”.. She was the parent who always asked why. Not that I blame her, but still. Her response was – “why do you need those? You going to attack the cats with them?” ….. Ugh’ no mom! I just want them okay? See! The fact she had to ask that! Demon child!
So, she bought them. A few days later I was attempting to ‘glow-sticking’ in my room, while playing beats when she then decided to just walk in on me. I can still remember her face. It’s like it was yesterday. I knew she never understood me, and for good reason. I was such a strange fucking being that you couldn’t understand even if you tried.
What will she do next?
Looking back, I feel sorry for my parents for having to put up with me. Not because I was an extremely terrible kid or anything. Or because they were good parents. Cause they weren’t. But because I know I wouldn’t have the patients to handle me. I would of killed me! I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks mom and dad for not hanging me or putting me up for adoption. Although, I’m still convinced I was switched at birth and they aren’t my real parents. Blah!
I guess the point of this story is, that if any weird fucker out there one day decides to mate with me and procreate. Good fucking LUCK! Lets hope it carries more of your genes and not mine. And if by some chance you were worse then me. Then, lets not!