I Can Catch!

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Yah! A fucking cold! *cough cough* I’m leaking from every orifice of my FACE! Attractive right? Fucking NO!

I sound like a retarded Seal when I try and talk. Apparently my new nickname is Snuffles. It sounds like a puppet from Mr. Dressup! Ugh! I almost always piss myself when I sneeze! I feel like a 80 year old woman with a bladder problem!

I’m desperately trying not to go to the doctor because I don’t want to violate my body with medicine. So instead, I decided to torture myself a different way. You know what’s worse then drinking Apple cider vinegar in your water? Up chucking the apple cider vinegar water all over yourself and the kitchen table because it tastes like dirty asshole! Don’t ask me how I know what that tastes like! Cause I don’t! I can only assume it would be very very BAD!

I also decided to poison myself with oregano oil in my water. It’s fucking putrid! Like, I would rather drink rat piss! Just thinking of it makes me vomit in my mouth. Fuck.

Wanna know what’s more flattering? Walking around with tissue stuffed in one nose hole so I can breath! Yah! If that’s not hot i don’t know what is.

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Kill me …

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12 thoughts on “I Can Catch!

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