Perfect Girl

Look, we all need to take the time to remind ourselves of our worth sometimes. Once in a while it’s good to take a step back and just fucking inflate your ego a bit. So screw what you think, this is me time. Why not do this on a piece of paper in your bedroom or in your diary like a good little girl. No! Lick my nuts! I’m doing it here on the net so everyone can see how freaking special I am…NOT

Let me start off by saying, there is no such thing as perfect. EVER. NO ONE IS PERFECT. You are only perfect in your own way.

If you are reading this, it is possible you are thinking of one or more of the following things;

a) She is clearly pissed off about something.

b) What, your boyfriend is being a dick again?

c) Oh, it’s “I hate my life” time and your posting this to make yourself feel better

d) She’s clearly not getting any and is sexually frustrated.

e) Typical; fucking female post

f) Why are there so many fucking options!?! FUCK

You know what! I actually think I am a perfect catch, so you can kiss my ass! Here is why.

Reason number 1

I am hard working. Yes, very hard working. I put my blood, sweat, and spit into EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that I do. (Sometimes tears….always tears..shut up)

Reason number 2

I am domesticated! I cook, clean, know how to scrub a toilet, (that’s a life skill by the way). I do all that housewife shit without being a stupid housewife. Also handy with tools and other shit that males use. Try finding that in 50% of women these days. That’s right! You can’t! Oh NO! I broke a nail..Shove it princess.

Reason number 3


I’m not repulsed by your abused bodily functions. You farting or burping will not send me running away with arms flailing. Although I may not pass gas around you (too lady like for that) I defiantly might make you look like a little bitch in a belching contest. To some, that’s disgusting, others; that’s hot.

Reason number 4

I am dedicated and passionate about what I’m in/who I’m with/what I’m doing. That doesn’t really need explaining. You get the point. Too much to type anyway’s πŸ˜›

Reason number 5

I am NOT your “typical” girl. Here is why

-Usually considered one of the guys for the most part.

-I am not materialistic AT all. I HATE jewellery. Unless it’s seashells on string or some nature shit. You can keep that $59875874324.45 dollar purse made from alligator dick, I’m good thanks. No, I’m not a hippy.

– I would rather eat in a hole in the wall dive compared to a fancy restaurant

– I probably talk less then you. I actually don’t talk THAT much. Surprise Surprise πŸ˜‰ But I can hold a conversation that’s meaningful and loaded. No drama. Never Drama. Oh My GAWD! Guess what SUSY said TODAY!!!…Die

– Chick flick or explosions? EXPLOSIONS !

– Barbies? Nahhh, hot-wheels!

– Wtf is reality Tv? Soaps still exist?

– I HATE dressing up. I like my sweats and jeans, runners and boots. What the fuck is a dress? An expensive piece of material that you can’t do anything in but look pretty and wave. God forbid you sit the wrong way and your vagina shows. How am I supposed to scream “Race ya!” In 9 inch heals that could possibly strike oil?! Although, on special occasions, I do clean up very well and know how to dress like a lady, not a slut. Sorry if I offended any one. Actually, no I’m not.

– I hate shopping. Can’t stand malls. When I do shop, its like a game show. How fast can you get in and get the FUCK out!

– I play/watch sports. You dig?

– ^ No I’m not a ghetto fabulous retard.

– I hate mushy nicknames, relationship babble, all that horse shit nonsense. VOMIT. I love you is fine. Cut the crap. I’m not your hunny bunches of oats, or your snookums, your princess fucking peach, whatever other shit is out there. I’m fine with penis wrinkle or dickweed, or fuck tart. I think it’s cute. Don’t judge me


Reason number 6

I don’t wear make-up. Ever. Seriously. EVER. Even if I have the largest, juiciest, most obnoxious ZIT on my face. There will be no make-up used to cover it. It will look you in the face until it explodes or finally goes away. Deal with it. My face is my face. It is all natural. Whether you like it or you don’t, I could give 2 shits. Would you fancy some cake?


Reason number 7

I take care of myself. Lets face it, you already know I have issues with my weight. I’m CONSTANTLY calling myself fat, larger then life, house sized, I am the real Moby-Dick. I’ve said it all. But the truth is, I watch what I eat and exercise daily. I am not and will never be a lard ass who sits on my ass and absorbs the couch watching soaps. Even the day I have kids, I know that I will be one of those freaks that NEED to get their body back. See? Winner πŸ™‚


Reason number 8

I play fucking video games! Yes, I am a gamer. I’ve owned almost every gaming console ever made. (expect for X-box BARF) and no, I don’t play Barbies animal rescue or Mary- Kate and Ashley’s’s golf ..*Scoff*

Reason number 9

I am and will be your number one fan/ believer! No matter what crazy idea or dreams you have, if I see how bad you want something and are willing to work towards it, I will stand behind you 110%, even if the odds are zero and unrealistic.

Reason number 10

I am independent. Seriously, what is worse then having a girlfriend or partner that needs to be attached to you at the hip 24/7? Example, I can do my own thing while you do yours. Even if we are in the same room together, we don’t have to BE together. Just you being there is enough. No need for suffocation.

Reason number 11

Family oriented. Lets face it shall we. There are way too many horror stories of the controlling wife/in-laws. For the most part, females like to start their own family and like to call the shots. I’ve seen this WAY too much. It sickens me. Families being torn apart and for what? I like being integrated and have no problems with family men and a “mamas boy”. Yes, I am the girl you want to bring home to your parents, trust me.

Reason number 12

I can count how many sex partners I have on one hand! Can you? Sex is not a joke. Just because your dating them, doesn’t mean you have to spread them.

Last but not least,

Reason number 13

Marriage to me is NOT a joke. I would not make that jump unless 100% ready. Divorce rates are WAY too high for my liking and no, I will not take you for half. That’s the perk about me. Equality and fairness. You bring half, you take your half. We buy a car, shit hits the fan, we sell the car and split the amount. FAIR. “I would like to plead emotional abuse” -Here , you get EVERYTHING. We get away with way too much because we have a baby making box bundle. This, sickens me.

There is way too much honestly to list, but these are the first things that come to mind when I think of the positives of why dating me isn’t compared to hell.Maybe I’m being full of myself, who the hell knows. Maybe everything I listed is a big fat “HELL NO” to some men or women out there. Who knows and who the cares! Kiss my semi-fat derriΓ¨re.

Okay I’m done. I feel better about myself now.

This is a pretty annoying pompous post though I must say. Especially for my first 2014 post. Ah well. SUCK IT

With love;



40 thoughts on “Perfect Girl

  1. You do understand that this post actually qualifies you for “perfect girl” status? I expect multiple nominations. Your attitude reminds me of my wife’s–and that’s about the highest praise I can offer. Here’s hoping things work out better for you than they have for her. (hint: steer clear of blowhard misanthropes who’d rather scratch poetry into tree stumps than earn a decent living, or take out the trash.)

  2. If I was a quarter of a century younger, … (and it hadn’t of been for that unfortunate accident with a boy’s bike).

    I figure you’ll have a dozen marriage proposals by the end of the day. Go for the rich Sheik’s son.

  3. You sound like the perfect girl. The thing is I’m sure every girl would claim to be the same way. However, there are 3 very important points that you wrote that DO stand out. #1 that you can cook. I don’t think girls realize how important that is. Yes, men should learn to cook but girls MUST learn to cook. A girl who can’t cook or clean is only good for one thing and we all know what that thing is. #2 that you dont sleep around. No self respecting man wants a woman that other men have already had. While I realize asking for a virgin is a bit much in todays world, we’ll take the next best thing. #3 that you take marriage seriously. I don’t understand why people get married only to get divorced in a few years. Sometimes the marriage doesn’t even last a year. For better or wose means exactly that, you have to find a solution to the problem. Divorce is the answer only when you married the wrong person to begin with. Maybe it’s my religious beliefs that make me think this way idk. I realize my comment (or article by this point) might sound sexist but it’s what I believe to be true. Finally while a lot of men don’t care for marriage when it comes to the first two points 99% of all men think this way.

    • Claim to be the same way is true. But the thing is, I actually practice what I preach lol. Cooking is a MUST. If you look back to my post about things I’m good at, I explain how my father taught me to cook when I was a kid. Saying no man will ever love you if you don’t know how to cook. Woman/girls/females these days feel the need to sleep with just about anything or anyone. I understand in relationships sometimes sex happens but, not always should it. I’ve been in a shitload of relationships. Long relationships. Only 2 ever made the cut for me. Again, just because there’s “label” doesn’t mean you HAVE to sleep with them. Marriage, way too many divorces. I know this is too narrow minded to say, but “love” just doesn’t cut it anymore. It should not be the only reason people get married. Way too many young marriages that end in divorce and why? Just because you might love each other doesn’t mean you will function together when faced with life. I personally don’t believe in getting married anymore. It’s not a fantasy that needs to be fulfilled. Common-law works too.

      • Agree with everything except for the last part but I am a dying breed. You are absolutely correct when it comes to couples (especially young couples) tying the knot to soon. Everyone can love everyone but are you truly willing to do anything for that person. Are you willing to put up with every single thing about them that bugs you however big or small.Things change drastically when you go to brush your teeth and the other person leaves their socks on the ground or they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle and you do it from the bottom lol.

      • LoL, the only thing that drives me nuts is a mess a man leaves behind. Follow them around with a broom, dust pan, and a Mr. Clean magic eraser πŸ™‚ But I ALWAYS clean it up first and then make a comment! lol notorious for that guilty. Everyone has something about them that pisses the other person off eventually, but I was talking about LARGER life problems. Like financial, health, children. These things sometimes are just way too much for one or both to overcome.

      • Idk that toothpaste is pretty LARGE I mean you use it everyday. It just makes more sense, start from the bottom that way you get all of it right from the beginning. If you start from the middle some of it gets stuck on the bottom then you have to go back for it.

      • I’m sure it has at the very least started an argument which then escalated and cause a divorce. Usually when you argue you start with something small then you build up and bring up other things.

      • Thanks to the past 50 years of modern feminism, women like you — who have the qualities you have — are practically worth your weight in gold. Women like you, unfortunately, have become exceedingly rare in today’s culture, but hopefully it’s true that the number of women finding out what sour grapes they’ve been given by feminism is going (however slowly) on the rise.
        As for marriage, I imagine many younger people feel the same way you do about it — especially men, as they’re at the wrong end of that stick. I certainly don’t believe in it anymore, either.
        Also, might I recommend you check out the blog I think you’d agree with a lot of what she says in her blog.
        Anyway… Cheers!

  4. Fantastic points altogether, you simply received a emblem new reader. What would you suggest about your put up that you just made some days ago? Any positive?

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