Oh hey! Yes it’s true! I still roam the earth.
Since 2015 started it has been needless to say INSANE! I barely find time to pee any more. No seriously.
Anyway! I’m not going to even bother trying to backtrack… It would take a century.
Okay! So what is it this time?…
IT’ S A 14 DAY SMOOTHIE PLAN! WOOO HOOOO!!! *party cracker sound* No?
YAH! That’s right! I’m going to share with you my 14 day smoothie diet/detox plan that I will torture myself with!
Why? Why on earth would you do that? Well, let me be frank. I suck at diet or detox plans. I typically last 2 days at most before I turn into a giant bitch. Why do I turn into a giant bitch? Well, it’s simple. Blended fruits and vegetables are not considered a source of food on its own. This is my opinion of course. I need food. Real. Food. Meat, Fish, Rice, Pasta, Bread, Food. I’m obviously exaggerating. But I can drink all the smoothies I want and still be starving because my stomachs all like ” WTF IS THIS LIQUID NONSENSE! FEED ME STEAK BITCH!”… hence why I turn into the devil! I am in constant state of starving to death! I like to eat… I need food to be happy. No joke.
I also need the motivation because well, lets be honest here. Diets that involve a lot of fruits and vegetables, or anything healthy for that matter, will run you a pretty penny. It will end up costing you an arm, a leg, a liver, kidney, a spleen, and in this case because I need to add things that will make my stomach believe there IS food ( seeds, protein powders and other healthy dust shit, etc) why not throw in an entire breast. Ugh.
So initially I was planning on doing a month, but then I was like… who am I kidding. I don’t even think I will last a week! I personally think at this point 14 days is setting the bar to high, but why not humour myself and see how long I can last.
I thought to myself, maybe! Just MAYBE! If I do this publicly… If I fail… everyone will see what a failure I am… But then I remembered I could just delete the posts..hehe.
NO! I will do this! So get ready folks! Get ready for 14 days of bitching, crying, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, emotional breakdowns, and of of course PICTURES! =D Pictures of all the pretty smoothies I make! YAY?
Isn’t that a boatload of exciting-ness?! Pfft. Whateverrrrrr…. It’s not like I have anything better to write about (lol) Truth.
See ya when I get my Nutri Ninja in the mail! Should be any day now! In the meantime, I’m going to go make me a sandwich. Mmmmm mortadella and salami sandwiches.