14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 6

  

Orange Smoothie (Breakfast/ Lunch)

  • 1/2 Cup Orange juice
  • 1/2 cup probiotic yogurt
  • 1 peeled orange 
  • 1/2 peach 
  • 1 shredded carrot
  • 1 scoop of whey protine powder

For dinner while I was at work, I had solids. Carrots and hummus, quinoa and small piece of baked salmon. 

One week as of tomorrow!!! Yay!!! 

14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 5

  

Yellow Smoothie (Breakfast/Lunch)

  • 1/2 Cup Almond milk
  • 1/2 probiotic yogurt 
  • Handful of Pineapple and mango
  • 1/2 Banana
  • Tiny bit of grated ginger 

This recipe was AMAZING! It was like dessert for breakfast! Although, It probably could of used some protein powder somewhere in there, since I was starving by 2 pm waiting at the Chiropractor.

Okay, let’s talk about the dinner smoothie. I actually vomited this up. I tried, I really did. It was soooo sweet! And thick! When I say thick I mean thicker then jam.. It was vile. It was so bad I cried for help while drinking it. Then my body said “fuck this” and decided to expel this dirty smoothie I was forcing down my throat. Needless to say anything my vomit touched is now stained for life. If you thought tomato sauce or ketchup was hard to get out…. Think again. Try getting blueberry beet puke out of a white sweater. HAH! Good luck! 

Also. If that wasn’t warning enough here.

WARNING! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

Purple potion(Dinner)

  • 3/4 cup of beets
  • 1 cup antioxidant juice
  • 1 cup of blueberries 
  • 1 carrot 



14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 4

  

Tropical Green Smoothie (Breakfast)

  • 1 Cup of Pineapple
  • 1 Cup of mango 
  • 1 Cup of Chashew milk 
  • Handful of kale and spinach 
  • 1 Banana
  • 1 Tbs of chia and hemp seeds

  

Antioxidant Smoothie (Dinner)

  • 2 Cups of mixed berries
  • 1 Cup orange Juice
  • 1/2 Cup Greek yogurt 

Okay. So, I’ve made it to day 4. I’m doing good right? Other then that fact I can’t stop having shit attacks!! It’s been 2 days straight now!  You’d think I’d be losing weight or something, but no. Not I. *SIGH* a week is not even over yet! I feel like I’ve been doing this for a month! God I’m weak! 

14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 2

  

Peanut Butter Jelly Smoothie (breakfast/lunch)

  • 1 cup chilled black coffee
  • 1 cup chocolate almond milk
  • Handful of mixed berries 
  • 1 Tbs peanut butter 
  • 1/4 cup chocolate whey protein powder
  • Pinch of cinnamon 

Verdict = freaking Godly!!

This smoothie tasted A-Mazing! The only con to this smoothie was the fact it tasted so good that, it never made it till lunch! Heck! It barely made it out the door! Definitely going to be making this smoothie again! It honestly tasted like an amazing PBnJ sandwich without the bread, with a kick of chocolate and coffee! Soooo tasty!

It gave me energy throughout the entire day. It also gave me the urge to shit myself, seeing as the coffee is like a diuretic to me -.-‘.. STILL, an awesome smoothie none the less. For lunch, I decided to bring back solids.. If you consider hummus and baby carrots lunch I guess. I NEEDED TO CHEW! It was more of a snack. I caved. Although, it was pizza Friday at work today and the meat lovers pizza looked me dead in the eyes. I said no, not today my friend, not today. Self-control FTW!… I stole a piece of sausage though…What? I’M HUMAN!

My dinner smoothie looked and sounded pretty promising! Until you get to the middle layer… the green layer… the layer of death. HOLY FUCKING PARSLEY! When I tasted it before I layered it on, it wasn’t too bad. I tasted more Kiwi then anything. That was because it was only a spoon full. I drank this bad boy with a straw and let me tell you, I nearly gagged to death. In a state of panic I swirled the straw around and ended up mixing the three layers together. OH my JESUS. It tasted like a homeless man’s corn hole. I don’t know what that actually tastes like, but I can only imagine it would taste like that. GAG.

I’m starting to see a trend here. Parsley is the devil and should be banned from all smoothies! WHO DOES THIS TO A SMOOTHIE!?! GAWD!  3 Layer Smoothie (Dinner)

Top Layer

  • 1 Tomato
  • 1/2 Cup frozen mixed berries
  • 1 Tsp Organic Maca powder
  • Chia seeds

Middle Layer

  • Handful of parsley
  • Handful of Spinach and Kale
  • 1 Kiwi
  • 1/2 Organic Banana
  • 1 Tbs of Green powder
  • Chia seeds

Bottom Layer

  • 1/2 Organic Banana
  • 1 Orange
  • 1 Cup of frozen diced Mangos

Verdict = mmm-DEAD-YUMMMM (In order of layers)

Needless to say, I survived day 2 and ready to take on day 3! The smoothies better come out 10/10 tomorrow. One more horse shit smoothie and I’m out!.. Not out… just loosing faith….I can’t swallow any more Booster Juice lies *cries*

14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 1


Green Goodness (Breakfast/Lunch)

  • 2 Cups of Green tea (chilled)
  • 1/2 Avocado
  • 1 Granny smith apple
  • 1 Cup sliced cucumber
  • 1 Celery stalk
  • 1 Cup of Parsley
  • 1 Scoop of super green powder
  • 1 handful of kale/baby spinach
  • 1 Tbs of Hemp seeds
  • 2 Tbs Chia seeds

Let’s start here. I made this diarrhea green smoothie this morning thinking “God! This is so healthy! I’m so excited!” But then I had my first sip and instantly got a headache. So one of two things happend. 1) Maybe because it tasted like baby braf and bird seeds. Or 2) My body was like “WTF is that?!? This is not beef!” Reject! 

Anyways, I finished that putrid drink that made me gag with every sip. Note to self green tea, it’s a no for me.. Especially when you leave the teabag in the cup overnight in the fridge. What a retard! Live and learn I guess.

I did however, manage to survive the entire day without eating a single solid.

Don’t even get me started with dinner… I attempted to make a smoothie that I’ve had at booster juice that tasted amazing! Umm… Needless to say it tasted NOTHING like it! It didn’t even LOOK like it! =( 

 Tropic-kale (Dinner)

  • Handful of kale
  • 1 Cup of mango
  • 1 Cup of pineapple 
  • 1/2 Banana
  • 2 Radishes 
  • 1/2 Tsp of Maca powder (red/black/yellow)
  • Cinnamon to top

What a horrible way to start off a 14 day smoothie lifestyle. Le BARF!

What Is She up To Now?!

Oh hey! Yes it’s true! I still roam the earth.

Since 2015 started it has been needless to say INSANE! I barely find time to pee any more. No seriously.

Anyway! I’m not going to even bother trying to backtrack… It would take a century.

Okay! So what is it this time?…

IT’ S A 14 DAY SMOOTHIE PLAN! WOOO HOOOO!!! *party cracker sound* No?

YAH! That’s right! I’m going to share with you my 14 day smoothie diet/detox plan that I will torture myself with!

Why? Why on earth would you do that? Well, let me be frank. I suck at diet or detox plans. I typically  last 2 days at most before I turn into a giant bitch. Why do I turn into a giant bitch? Well, it’s simple. Blended fruits and vegetables are not considered a source of food on its own. This is my opinion of course. I need food. Real. Food. Meat, Fish, Rice, Pasta, Bread, Food. I’m obviously exaggerating. But I can drink all the smoothies I want and still be starving because my stomachs all like ” WTF IS THIS LIQUID NONSENSE! FEED ME STEAK BITCH!”… hence why I turn into the devil! I am in constant state of starving to death! I like to eat… I need food to be happy. No joke.

I also need the motivation because well, lets be honest here. Diets that involve a lot of fruits and vegetables, or anything healthy for that matter, will run you a pretty penny. It will end up costing you an arm, a leg, a liver, kidney, a spleen, and in this case because I need to add things that will make my stomach believe there IS food ( seeds, protein powders and other healthy dust shit, etc) why not throw in an entire breast. Ugh.

So initially I was planning on doing a month, but then I was like… who am I kidding. I don’t even think I will last a week! I personally think at this point 14 days is setting the bar to high, but why not humour myself and see how long I can last.

I thought to myself, maybe! Just MAYBE! If I do this publicly… If I fail… everyone will see what a failure I am… But then I remembered I could just delete the posts..hehe.

NO! I will do this! So get ready folks! Get ready for 14 days of bitching, crying, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, emotional breakdowns, and of of course PICTURES! =D  Pictures of all the pretty smoothies I make! YAY?

Isn’t that a boatload of exciting-ness?! Pfft. Whateverrrrrr…. It’s not like I have anything better to write about (lol) Truth.

See ya when I get my Nutri Ninja in the mail! Should be any day now! In the meantime, I’m going to go make me a sandwich. Mmmmm mortadella and salami sandwiches.

KISSES! xoxox!