I’m Back!..With a 30 Day Weight Loss Challenge?

Okay, so…I’ve been MIA for how long now? I’ve lost track of EVERYTHING!

Let me start off by saying I don’t even live in the same Province anymore! I’ve moved thousands of miles out West across Canada. In the past year, I have dealt with a lot of loss. I lost my Grandmother to a hemorrhagic stroke… I lost my boyfriend of 5 years because he decided he was going to cheat on me. I lost one of my best friends just because? I essentially lost myself. I fell into depression, severe anxiety and panic attacks… just a complete wreck.

Over the past few months since January, I have made serious changes to my life. I meditate now and do Yoga? Never did that stuff in my entire LIFE. I went vegan for a while which I’ve done before. But most importantly, I left my entire life back in Toronto, Ontario that I’ve built for 27 years. Why? Because I can and because I direly needed to.

Now, the reason being for this post is because I want to really challenge myself. Sadly, through everything I have gone through.. I have lost serious amounts of willpower, self control and determination. Through writing again, I am hoping it might help me stay focused and on track with my goals. Plus, its always good to voice your shit to people who will judge you blindly 🙂

So, get ready WordPressers! Starting tomorrow June 1st I’m going to fill your newsfeed with bullshit of my shitty workouts and weight loss bird food diets! Kidding.. I wouldn’t eat bird food… But I would eat rabbit food 😉

 

Ps. Jenna is back

Second Year Anniversary

Me and Matt Randoms

Happy second year Anniversary to my boyfriend Matthew!

Two years already and you haven’t killed me? You deserve a cookie! Your still alive too so, consider yourself lucky.

I love you even though you piss me the fuck off 99.7% of the time. Okay, I’m no cake-walk myself. Kudos to the both of us for making it another year!

Love your ever so frustrating, annoying, obnoxious, complicated?, “can’t believe I haven’t strangled her yet”, girlfriend

– Jennifer

Perfect Girl

Look, we all need to take the time to remind ourselves of our worth sometimes. Once in a while it’s good to take a step back and just fucking inflate your ego a bit. So screw what you think, this is me time. Why not do this on a piece of paper in your bedroom or in your diary like a good little girl. No! Lick my nuts! I’m doing it here on the net so everyone can see how freaking special I am…NOT

Let me start off by saying, there is no such thing as perfect. EVER. NO ONE IS PERFECT. You are only perfect in your own way.

If you are reading this, it is possible you are thinking of one or more of the following things;

a) She is clearly pissed off about something.

b) What, your boyfriend is being a dick again?

c) Oh, it’s “I hate my life” time and your posting this to make yourself feel better

d) She’s clearly not getting any and is sexually frustrated.

e) Typical; fucking female post

f) Why are there so many fucking options!?! FUCK

You know what! I actually think I am a perfect catch, so you can kiss my ass! Here is why.

Reason number 1

I am hard working. Yes, very hard working. I put my blood, sweat, and spit into EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that I do. (Sometimes tears….always tears..shut up)

Reason number 2

I am domesticated! I cook, clean, know how to scrub a toilet, (that’s a life skill by the way). I do all that housewife shit without being a stupid housewife. Also handy with tools and other shit that males use. Try finding that in 50% of women these days. That’s right! You can’t! Oh NO! I broke a nail..Shove it princess.

Reason number 3

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I’m not repulsed by your abused bodily functions. You farting or burping will not send me running away with arms flailing. Although I may not pass gas around you (too lady like for that) I defiantly might make you look like a little bitch in a belching contest. To some, that’s disgusting, others; that’s hot.

Reason number 4

I am dedicated and passionate about what I’m in/who I’m with/what I’m doing. That doesn’t really need explaining. You get the point. Too much to type anyway’s 😛

Reason number 5

I am NOT your “typical” girl. Here is why

-Usually considered one of the guys for the most part.

-I am not materialistic AT all. I HATE jewellery. Unless it’s seashells on string or some nature shit. You can keep that $59875874324.45 dollar purse made from alligator dick, I’m good thanks. No, I’m not a hippy.

– I would rather eat in a hole in the wall dive compared to a fancy restaurant

– I probably talk less then you. I actually don’t talk THAT much. Surprise Surprise 😉 But I can hold a conversation that’s meaningful and loaded. No drama. Never Drama. Oh My GAWD! Guess what SUSY said TODAY!!!…Die

– Chick flick or explosions? EXPLOSIONS !

– Barbies? Nahhh, hot-wheels!

– Wtf is reality Tv? Soaps still exist?

– I HATE dressing up. I like my sweats and jeans, runners and boots. What the fuck is a dress? An expensive piece of material that you can’t do anything in but look pretty and wave. God forbid you sit the wrong way and your vagina shows. How am I supposed to scream “Race ya!” In 9 inch heals that could possibly strike oil?! Although, on special occasions, I do clean up very well and know how to dress like a lady, not a slut. Sorry if I offended any one. Actually, no I’m not.

– I hate shopping. Can’t stand malls. When I do shop, its like a game show. How fast can you get in and get the FUCK out!

– I play/watch sports. You dig?

– ^ No I’m not a ghetto fabulous retard.

– I hate mushy nicknames, relationship babble, all that horse shit nonsense. VOMIT. I love you is fine. Cut the crap. I’m not your hunny bunches of oats, or your snookums, your princess fucking peach, whatever other shit is out there. I’m fine with penis wrinkle or dickweed, or fuck tart. I think it’s cute. Don’t judge me

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Reason number 6

I don’t wear make-up. Ever. Seriously. EVER. Even if I have the largest, juiciest, most obnoxious ZIT on my face. There will be no make-up used to cover it. It will look you in the face until it explodes or finally goes away. Deal with it. My face is my face. It is all natural. Whether you like it or you don’t, I could give 2 shits. Would you fancy some cake?

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Reason number 7

I take care of myself. Lets face it, you already know I have issues with my weight. I’m CONSTANTLY calling myself fat, larger then life, house sized, I am the real Moby-Dick. I’ve said it all. But the truth is, I watch what I eat and exercise daily. I am not and will never be a lard ass who sits on my ass and absorbs the couch watching soaps. Even the day I have kids, I know that I will be one of those freaks that NEED to get their body back. See? Winner 🙂

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Reason number 8

I play fucking video games! Yes, I am a gamer. I’ve owned almost every gaming console ever made. (expect for X-box BARF) and no, I don’t play Barbies animal rescue or Mary- Kate and Ashley’s’s golf ..*Scoff*

Reason number 9

I am and will be your number one fan/ believer! No matter what crazy idea or dreams you have, if I see how bad you want something and are willing to work towards it, I will stand behind you 110%, even if the odds are zero and unrealistic.

Reason number 10

I am independent. Seriously, what is worse then having a girlfriend or partner that needs to be attached to you at the hip 24/7? Example, I can do my own thing while you do yours. Even if we are in the same room together, we don’t have to BE together. Just you being there is enough. No need for suffocation.

Reason number 11

Family oriented. Lets face it shall we. There are way too many horror stories of the controlling wife/in-laws. For the most part, females like to start their own family and like to call the shots. I’ve seen this WAY too much. It sickens me. Families being torn apart and for what? I like being integrated and have no problems with family men and a “mamas boy”. Yes, I am the girl you want to bring home to your parents, trust me.

Reason number 12

I can count how many sex partners I have on one hand! Can you? Sex is not a joke. Just because your dating them, doesn’t mean you have to spread them.

Last but not least,

Reason number 13

Marriage to me is NOT a joke. I would not make that jump unless 100% ready. Divorce rates are WAY too high for my liking and no, I will not take you for half. That’s the perk about me. Equality and fairness. You bring half, you take your half. We buy a car, shit hits the fan, we sell the car and split the amount. FAIR. “I would like to plead emotional abuse” -Here , you get EVERYTHING. We get away with way too much because we have a baby making box bundle. This, sickens me.

There is way too much honestly to list, but these are the first things that come to mind when I think of the positives of why dating me isn’t compared to hell.Maybe I’m being full of myself, who the hell knows. Maybe everything I listed is a big fat “HELL NO” to some men or women out there. Who knows and who the cares! Kiss my semi-fat derrière.

Okay I’m done. I feel better about myself now.

This is a pretty annoying pompous post though I must say. Especially for my first 2014 post. Ah well. SUCK IT

With love;

Jenna

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Naughty Or Nice List?

Ello! I was bored so I decided to Google a Naughty or Nice List test for shits and giggles! The answers are between stars (*) followed by some stupid shit I would say- ha ha!

  1. What did you get in your stocking last year?

    • Candy
    • I have no idea. Who cares about the stocking?
    • Some really nice gifts
    • *If someone wants to “get in my stockings”, they’ve just gotta buy me dinner first.*(I’m clearly kidding….I don’t even own a stocking wahhhhh 😥
  2. Have you ever sneaked a peek at your Christmas presents?

    • No! That’s naughty! And it ruins the surprise.
    • *When I was a kid, but only once.*(This could possibly be a lie. I said possibly right?)
    • Yup. Every year.
    • Depends…are YOU my Christmas present? ::wink::
  3. Do you re-gift?

    • *No* (This is actually very true.)
    • I think once, maybe
    • Every year I re-gift at least one thing
    • All the time, if I can’t return the crappy gift.
  4. When the weather outside is frightful, you like to stay home and cuddle with what?

    • *A teddy bear* (I’m a giant child)
    • A nice book
    • A nice drink
    • A good-looking hottie
  5. If you’ve been nice and not naughty, what kind of present should Santa bring you?

    • I’m a girl. Santa should bring me a girl present if I’m nice.
    • *I’m a boy. Santa should bring me a boy present if I’m nice.* (Look, I don’t want barbies or an easy bake oven..Give me VIDEO GAMES- RAWR)
  1. Have you ever dressed up as Santa?

    • *No, but it might be fun.* (Where can I find a good fat suit?..Oh wait, where’s the cookies?)
    • No, that’s lame.
    • Yes, it’s all about spreading Holiday cheer
    • Yes, for that hottie I mentioned earlier!
  2. If you discovered Santa Claus trapped in your chimney, what would you do?

    • Help him out
    • Hop in the sleigh and take over to make sure the gifts get to everyone in time
    • Hop in the sleigh and help yourself to the gifts
    • *Ha! Ha! Tickle Santa…I can’t help myself.* (That’s the psycho in me 😀 )
  3. What are you giving to your special someone for Christmas this year?

    • I’ll carefully figure out what they want and surprise them.
    • I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure something out.
    • Ugh…do we have to exchange gifts this year? How about cash.
    • *Me!* (I lie. I got him Three Days Grace concert tickets and his favourite soccer teams training Jacket. Ahem..Spoiled much?)
  4. You find out your crazy Aunt is knitting you another fugly sweater this year. What do you do?

    • Kindly accept. She works hard on those.
    • Nod and smile. Just nod and smile.
    • Conveniently forget to take it home with you.
    • *Subtly express your feelings by burning it in effigy.* (NOT! I LOVE those hideous Christmas sweaters! Wtf does effigy mean?)
  5. What treat are you planning on leaving Santa this year?

    • Cookies and Milk
    • *A healthy treat for Santa and carrots for the reindeer!* (Yah, get it together fat ass before you die of a heart attack!)
    • Nothing. I’m not stupid.
    • Me!
  1. Your friend didn’t get you anything last year. What do you get them this year?

    • I get them something every year.
    • *We’ll figure out if we’re exchanging gifts, I don’t want them to feel bad.* (More like if they get me something, I have no choice but to get them something. Bad friend ALERT)
    • Screw them!
    • Hmmm…they must not be a good friend!
  2. What is your favorite Christmas movie?

    • “Miracle on 34th Street”
    • *”A Charlie Brown Christmas”* (NONE OF THE ABOVE! Where the hell is the Grinch?!?)
    • “Bad Santa”
    • “Love Actually” – lots of hotties in that movie…
  3. Who is your favorite reindeer?

    • *Rudolph* (DUH)
    • Donner
    • Vixen
    • Is “Craphead” a reindeer? (LOL this is pretty funny though)
  4. Santa isn’t just for kids, you know. How old are you, anyway?

    •         Dec 15, 1989 (too old for Santa 😉 )
  5. Would you go back to school to get smarter?

    • *Yes, I want to be smarter than my friends* (Who the hell asks this question? I don’t really know what this has to do with being naughty or nice :/ more like pompous or jealous)
    • No, I’m plenty smart already

    My Results:

    Nice
    You are sugar and spice, so the list you’re on is “Nice”! Christmas for you is a time of giving and sharing – the important stuff. You spread holiday cheer by being grateful for the real gifts in your life. Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!
^^
This is clearly a load of shit. Hot steaming Giraffe shit. Nice? Nice my ass! What kind of farce ass answer is that? Based on my answers, the results should of been- “You are on the Santa wants you to kill yourself  list.”
These are the lamest questions by far! Like honestly! Where are genuine questions like – “Did you kill anyone this year?” or “Did you tell  your nasty pootang supervisor to fall on a sharp rusty knife?” ..THOSE are questions you SHOULD be asking to declare someone naughty or nice. Jeeze
Well anyway’s, hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Which if your normal, would be a 0 on a scale of 1-10. HA.
Nut-Cracker. Cracker of Nuts. Nuts that Crack.
Shut up.
Hillary-Clinton-nutcracker

Can You Fight Change?

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Why am I having such a hard time upgrading my phone to the new iOS 7? I still have my phone running iOS 5!! My phone has like a minor stroke trying to load any app at all! Even sending and receiving text messages is a struggle for my poor helpless phone. Ah well, I hate the look of the new update software. Too much like android. Screw android! They can lick my ball sack! I wanted apple products! Not android!

Oh! And I quit my crappy job of four years! That’s change! Not to mention, the greatest feeling in the world! Woohoo!

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So my main reason for this post is…. Well, I don’t even know! This is just random babble as ALWAYS 🙂

Matt has his work Christmas party tomorrow and after two years of saying no to going, I said yes. What a retard. Who am I kidding?! I don’t want to go, I hate dressing up! Apparently there is a no Jeans/tights dress code. Great, and here I was thinking I was going to wear a wife beater and overalls :/

I hate these things and I hate dressing up! Mainly cause I never know what to wear! All the girls now a days wear those skanky short dresses and skirts. Me, I want to dress like a Nonna!

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First world problems.

Tis The Season

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I think I can relate this to my previous post. More like an update or continuation per-say. Still haven’t figured anything out nor, do I know where I’m headed still. But I AM making changes. I know for a fact I need to quit one of the places I currently work at, that is slowly but surely taking my soul. Like sucking fucking life vampires. By December, I will have told them to politely kiss my ass as I walk out the front door. I have plenty of interviews coming up throughout the rest of November which gives me hope. They may have to do with my current profession at the moment. But, until I decide to make any serious life decisions that could set me back in life, I need to know I have exhausted all my options and opportunities in my field. Who knows, maybe it is this place that has been setting me back and making it impossible for me to thoroughly enjoy what I do.

Anyway’s! This post is supposed to be uplifting! The annual Santa Claus Parade was in town yesterday which has always been a favourite of mine. Although I’ve never actually gone, watching it on t.v in the comforts of my own home always makes me happy :). I am a total Christmas Slut. I mean that in a positive way I promise! Decorating trees, putting the lights up, baking (trying not to eat what I bake), wearing Santa hats and antlers, those God awful Christmas sweaters that everyone wants to set on fire! Yep, a Christmas freak. Not to mention listening to Christmas music 24/7 and constantly painting my nails in Christmas colours and themes! Did I mention I decorate my bedroom with garland and lights!?! I just love the winter season! It makes me all warm and giddy!

It is also the season where my parents freak out cause I have candles and incenses lit everywhere throughout the house :D. *Ahem* Fire bug *ahem*

People who try and hate on Christmas or my obsessive annoying love for it can kiss my ass and stay away from me! I don’t need you to bring me down! I got enough negativity to do that myself!

Well, I have an interview in the next 15 minutes! Wish me luck! HoHoHoe!