Naughty Or Nice List?

Ello! I was bored so I decided to Google a Naughty or Nice List test for shits and giggles! The answers are between stars (*) followed by some stupid shit I would say- ha ha!

  1. What did you get in your stocking last year?

    • Candy
    • I have no idea. Who cares about the stocking?
    • Some really nice gifts
    • *If someone wants to “get in my stockings”, they’ve just gotta buy me dinner first.*(I’m clearly kidding….I don’t even own a stocking wahhhhh 😥
  2. Have you ever sneaked a peek at your Christmas presents?

    • No! That’s naughty! And it ruins the surprise.
    • *When I was a kid, but only once.*(This could possibly be a lie. I said possibly right?)
    • Yup. Every year.
    • Depends…are YOU my Christmas present? ::wink::
  3. Do you re-gift?

    • *No* (This is actually very true.)
    • I think once, maybe
    • Every year I re-gift at least one thing
    • All the time, if I can’t return the crappy gift.
  4. When the weather outside is frightful, you like to stay home and cuddle with what?

    • *A teddy bear* (I’m a giant child)
    • A nice book
    • A nice drink
    • A good-looking hottie
  5. If you’ve been nice and not naughty, what kind of present should Santa bring you?

    • I’m a girl. Santa should bring me a girl present if I’m nice.
    • *I’m a boy. Santa should bring me a boy present if I’m nice.* (Look, I don’t want barbies or an easy bake oven..Give me VIDEO GAMES- RAWR)
  1. Have you ever dressed up as Santa?

    • *No, but it might be fun.* (Where can I find a good fat suit?..Oh wait, where’s the cookies?)
    • No, that’s lame.
    • Yes, it’s all about spreading Holiday cheer
    • Yes, for that hottie I mentioned earlier!
  2. If you discovered Santa Claus trapped in your chimney, what would you do?

    • Help him out
    • Hop in the sleigh and take over to make sure the gifts get to everyone in time
    • Hop in the sleigh and help yourself to the gifts
    • *Ha! Ha! Tickle Santa…I can’t help myself.* (That’s the psycho in me 😀 )
  3. What are you giving to your special someone for Christmas this year?

    • I’ll carefully figure out what they want and surprise them.
    • I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure something out.
    • Ugh…do we have to exchange gifts this year? How about cash.
    • *Me!* (I lie. I got him Three Days Grace concert tickets and his favourite soccer teams training Jacket. Ahem..Spoiled much?)
  4. You find out your crazy Aunt is knitting you another fugly sweater this year. What do you do?

    • Kindly accept. She works hard on those.
    • Nod and smile. Just nod and smile.
    • Conveniently forget to take it home with you.
    • *Subtly express your feelings by burning it in effigy.* (NOT! I LOVE those hideous Christmas sweaters! Wtf does effigy mean?)
  5. What treat are you planning on leaving Santa this year?

    • Cookies and Milk
    • *A healthy treat for Santa and carrots for the reindeer!* (Yah, get it together fat ass before you die of a heart attack!)
    • Nothing. I’m not stupid.
    • Me!
  1. Your friend didn’t get you anything last year. What do you get them this year?

    • I get them something every year.
    • *We’ll figure out if we’re exchanging gifts, I don’t want them to feel bad.* (More like if they get me something, I have no choice but to get them something. Bad friend ALERT)
    • Screw them!
    • Hmmm…they must not be a good friend!
  2. What is your favorite Christmas movie?

    • “Miracle on 34th Street”
    • *”A Charlie Brown Christmas”* (NONE OF THE ABOVE! Where the hell is the Grinch?!?)
    • “Bad Santa”
    • “Love Actually” – lots of hotties in that movie…
  3. Who is your favorite reindeer?

    • *Rudolph* (DUH)
    • Donner
    • Vixen
    • Is “Craphead” a reindeer? (LOL this is pretty funny though)
  4. Santa isn’t just for kids, you know. How old are you, anyway?

    •         Dec 15, 1989 (too old for Santa 😉 )
  5. Would you go back to school to get smarter?

    • *Yes, I want to be smarter than my friends* (Who the hell asks this question? I don’t really know what this has to do with being naughty or nice :/ more like pompous or jealous)
    • No, I’m plenty smart already

    My Results:

    Nice
    You are sugar and spice, so the list you’re on is “Nice”! Christmas for you is a time of giving and sharing – the important stuff. You spread holiday cheer by being grateful for the real gifts in your life. Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!
^^
This is clearly a load of shit. Hot steaming Giraffe shit. Nice? Nice my ass! What kind of farce ass answer is that? Based on my answers, the results should of been- “You are on the Santa wants you to kill yourself  list.”
These are the lamest questions by far! Like honestly! Where are genuine questions like – “Did you kill anyone this year?” or “Did you tell  your nasty pootang supervisor to fall on a sharp rusty knife?” ..THOSE are questions you SHOULD be asking to declare someone naughty or nice. Jeeze
Well anyway’s, hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Which if your normal, would be a 0 on a scale of 1-10. HA.
Nut-Cracker. Cracker of Nuts. Nuts that Crack.
Shut up.
Hillary-Clinton-nutcracker

Can You Fight Change?

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Why am I having such a hard time upgrading my phone to the new iOS 7? I still have my phone running iOS 5!! My phone has like a minor stroke trying to load any app at all! Even sending and receiving text messages is a struggle for my poor helpless phone. Ah well, I hate the look of the new update software. Too much like android. Screw android! They can lick my ball sack! I wanted apple products! Not android!

Oh! And I quit my crappy job of four years! That’s change! Not to mention, the greatest feeling in the world! Woohoo!

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So my main reason for this post is…. Well, I don’t even know! This is just random babble as ALWAYS 🙂

Matt has his work Christmas party tomorrow and after two years of saying no to going, I said yes. What a retard. Who am I kidding?! I don’t want to go, I hate dressing up! Apparently there is a no Jeans/tights dress code. Great, and here I was thinking I was going to wear a wife beater and overalls :/

I hate these things and I hate dressing up! Mainly cause I never know what to wear! All the girls now a days wear those skanky short dresses and skirts. Me, I want to dress like a Nonna!

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First world problems.

Tis The Season

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I think I can relate this to my previous post. More like an update or continuation per-say. Still haven’t figured anything out nor, do I know where I’m headed still. But I AM making changes. I know for a fact I need to quit one of the places I currently work at, that is slowly but surely taking my soul. Like sucking fucking life vampires. By December, I will have told them to politely kiss my ass as I walk out the front door. I have plenty of interviews coming up throughout the rest of November which gives me hope. They may have to do with my current profession at the moment. But, until I decide to make any serious life decisions that could set me back in life, I need to know I have exhausted all my options and opportunities in my field. Who knows, maybe it is this place that has been setting me back and making it impossible for me to thoroughly enjoy what I do.

Anyway’s! This post is supposed to be uplifting! The annual Santa Claus Parade was in town yesterday which has always been a favourite of mine. Although I’ve never actually gone, watching it on t.v in the comforts of my own home always makes me happy :). I am a total Christmas Slut. I mean that in a positive way I promise! Decorating trees, putting the lights up, baking (trying not to eat what I bake), wearing Santa hats and antlers, those God awful Christmas sweaters that everyone wants to set on fire! Yep, a Christmas freak. Not to mention listening to Christmas music 24/7 and constantly painting my nails in Christmas colours and themes! Did I mention I decorate my bedroom with garland and lights!?! I just love the winter season! It makes me all warm and giddy!

It is also the season where my parents freak out cause I have candles and incenses lit everywhere throughout the house :D. *Ahem* Fire bug *ahem*

People who try and hate on Christmas or my obsessive annoying love for it can kiss my ass and stay away from me! I don’t need you to bring me down! I got enough negativity to do that myself!

Well, I have an interview in the next 15 minutes! Wish me luck! HoHoHoe!

How To Lose 10 Pounds in 5 Days

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I’m here to share with you my secret to losing 10 pounds in literally 5 days with 6 easy steps!

Step 1- Go on Vacation to the Caribbean (Cuba, Dominican etc.)

Step 2- Eat EVERYTHING. Seriously. Try and eat only 3 times a day with a few snacks in between. But when you do eat, especially at the buffet, try everything.

Step 3- Drink EVERYTHING. Even if you are warned not to consume water unless its bottled. Or to avoid drinks with high amounts of coconut milk because it might upset your stomach. Drink it anyways.

Step 4- Contract Travellers Diarrhea. You may be thinking at this point if not already, “What the fuck is wrong with this moron?!”… It’s okay, I promise you. You’ll thank me later.

Step 5- Spend 99.8% of your life for the next 5 days in the bathroom. To pass the time; create a source of entertainment for yourself. I can guarantee you it gets lonely in there. I like to bastardize songs like “wrecking ball” by Miley Cyrus.
Example- “It came out like a wrecking ball, I’ve never shit so hard before” etc.

Last but not least…

Step 6- Enjoy your new body. After spending 5 days spewing your guts out of your asshole, you deserve to be happy. Those skinny jeans you couldn’t get past your ass will slip right on.

Oh I almost forgot. Make sure after the 5 day plan, head over to your family doctor for a visit so he can prescribe you some serious fucking drugs. Chances are you have a bug or parasite that’s eating you inside out and you could possibly die.

Please use this diet plan at your own risk. I shall not be held accountable for any casualties. I am not a professional dietitian.

If I Were A Zombie

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Photo Credit: My Uncle and his Iphone

I’d be smoking hot! Like come on! Look at that face! Yes folks, that picture of pure sexiness, is me 🙂 As you can see it was taken with an app from the TV series “The Walking Dead”

I have NEVER watched that show, nor do I ever want too. But I must admit, an app that can zombify your face is pretty awesome!

Thoughts? I know I would tap that. Look at those LARGE bulging baby blue eyes. Rawr!

Thanks Dead Yourself app! You made me look officially 100x hotter!

Funny Lines

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So besides being dreadfully sick, I’ve had a pretty okay week. Okay, I lied. I’ve had a horrible week and I can’t wait for it to end! Blah!

On the plus side, I’ve hear the most ridiculous but hilarious things within the past 2 days. Well, at least they are funny to me….Shut up.

SO! The first thing that I heard was on the radio while I was driving to work. It was on 102.1 The Edge. I can’t remember the conversation, but I think it was on the Dean Blundell Show. Anyway’s, the conversation was about scooters and motorcycles and why men ride them. Dean went off to say;

“Scooters are for men that like to feel the wind in their vaginas”

I’m sorry, I died laughing… But then again. I’m easily amused. =/

Shortly after there was conversation as too why men sometimes cannot get an erection during foreplay. Women usually blame it on the guy being nervous. There was an intern there at the time who I assumed told them a similar story. Of course Dean started ripping on her, saying things like; “MAYBE you grossed him out!”, “Is your junk mangled?” AHAHA ! HA !…Sorry.. So then he proceeds to listing reasons as too WHY. The line that killed me was;

“It looks like you’ve got a small tree in a leg-lock”

BAHAHAH!!! …. Ahem!

Oh how I love his show! I’m a music person and for one, cannot stand talking or commercials. But! His show KILLS me. Literally. I almost got into a car accident from laughing so hard….

Last but not least was the conversation I had with my boyfriend on the phone last night. Recently I had updated his music library with over 3,000 songs. Yah, I know. He is musically retarded sadly, so I had to help him. With over 3,000 song, I didn’t bother going through it obviously. Ain’t nobody got time for dat. 🙂 So he basically got a whole bunch of crap he’s not into. Like Sheryl Crow, and Leann Rimes. He didn’t have the time to go through all that music either before he left so, he dragged and dropped EVERYTHING to his Iphone.

So last night, I guess he had been listening to music, and to make a long story short, decided to comment on it. His line to me was;

“You have more Enrique Iglesias songs then a sad Spanish girl”

You see! Funny! No? …Pfft, Fine! I’ll just keep laughing by myself… like a sick lonely crazy person. *Cries*

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*COUGH*