I Just Want To Breath… Clean Air

Hello All,

I am writing to you from Edmonton Alberta.. If you are someone who is not up to date with the news, we have forest fires yet again and it is not even summer yet. In Northern Alberta, High Level and many surrounding cities are being evacuated due to progressive forest fires that are spreading. It’s sad to say that only 2 weeks ago, we still had snow. The province couldn’t handle plus 20 weather without bursting into flames… People, global warming is a serious thing! I have been here in Alberta now for the past 3 summers (2016 – 2019) and each one, we’ve suffered from forest fires. Even though I am in Edmonton which is at low risk of having a forest fire obviously, we suffer here with the smoke that blows in. Yesterday I had a meltdown… how important is it you to be able to breath fresh air? To be outdoors? To go on walks, hikes, or runs? Perhaps drive your car to work or take the bus without gagging and suffocating! Heck! I went to a grocery store after work yesterday and it was covered in smoke inside! There was a giant haze from one end to the other! As someone who lives in Canada, we get very little sun and outdoor time as it is. The winters here are long and although they are longer in Alberta…we still have 6-8 months of winter if not more. The idea of being trapped indoors all year round gives me anxiety and depression. The idea of not being able to be outside because the air quality is plus 10.. is terrifying. I had to sleep with a mask on last night because the smoke was still getting into the house even with all the windows shut, and air conditioning on. How scary is that? Even in your own home, your lungs and heart are not safe. Myself and thousands of others have been coughing and wheezing due to poor air quality. I am considered healthy, imagine the people who have respiratory conditions…babies with under developed lungs.. seniors.. How do they feel?..*shivers*

Alberta is a dryer province for sure. All year round it is super dry.. I don’t think humidity exists here in Alberta to be honest. People complain in Ontario about it being TOO humid.. I was never one of them. While Toronto has a lot of smog… you can still breath. Yes, Alberta has more snow then most provinces, but due to global warming, the snow melts at rapid speeds and cannot penetrate the ground fast enough to give it moisture. It is so dry here that the snow that falls turns to ice pretty quick. Temperatures rise fast causing a massive melt then it freezes over again. Winter is long but there isn’t enough snow.. This is not something that is going to just stay in Alberta, this is not something that will change on it’s own… WE need to make a serious change people.. this is our lives at stake here.. our children’s lives…this is our planet and we only have one.. we need to treat it with respect. It’s screaming for help right now and we are choosing to cover our eyes and ears..

I had a mother yesterday cry to me. She told me she woke up yesterday morning crying to her not even 2 year old daughter… “I am so sorry. I am so sorry I can’t give you a better life, this is not what I wanted for you”…Does this not break your heart? It breaks mine. I don’t have children… and this is one of the many reasons why. How can you bring an innocent life into this? We can barely survive! If we don’t make some serious changes, there will be no life. We need to start with being less wasteful. While recycling is good, it is not enough. We need to eliminate plastic all together. We need to invest in eco friendly vehicles. We NEED to stop littering! We need to make changes.. even if they are small.. every change counts! If we vote, we need to vote for the Green Party! Hello people! Wake up please! I know most of us live in places were we don’t suffer from forest fires or other natural disasters, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen eventually! This is not a localized problem! Our air circulates! Our forest fire smoke has traveled as far as Ontario before and it will keep going East, North, South, West, over the fucking oceans! Hello! These are carcinogenics we are breathing in people!

There are so many little things we can do individually to start helping out!

*Carpool, take the bus, ride your bike, walk if its feasible. Or invest in EcoCar if the above are not an option.

*WASTE LESS!!!! HELLO! Start re-purposing glass jars, bottles, containers etc or purchase fancy ones if you are too good for a jar your jam use to be in… jeez..Stainless steel bottles, jars, straws, etc.. Just stop wasting paper and plastic for the love of Moses! There so many eco friendly options out there that it is ridiculous how we still choose to waste! Even things you didn’t think were possible like plastic wrap/saran wrap.. there is a solution to that too now! It’s called Bees wrap, but there are other names for it depending where you are located.

*Stop wasting electricity and water! Are you someone who stands in the shower for 45 mins doing nothing but staring at the wall thinking about what you are going to make for lunch? TURN OFF THE FUCKING WATER YOU ASSHOLE! HOW ABOUT YOU START THINKING ABOUT ALL THE DAMAGE YOU ARE CAUSING WITH YOUR WASTEFUL WAYS! Oh, you like to have your TV on all night long cause you need it to sleep? There are TV settings where you can set a time for your TV to shut off. If you are still awake at that point, maybe it is the TV causing you to be awake so find another solution! Are you someone who likes to have lights on all day long even when you are not at home? Can you explain to me what the fuck you need your bathroom light on 24/7 even when you aren’t at home? If you can give me one good reason as to why, I’ll shut my mouth.

*Consider solar panels for generating electricity… We can still do this while we have sun.. but the more pollution and forest fires we have blocking the fucking sun rays, the less this becomes doable!

There are SO many ways to help combat this problem. If we all work together in doing our part, slowly but surely, we will see a change for better future. Really, all we need to live is clean air, clean water, clean food…clothes are optional. If we don’t do something, we won’t find an inch on this planet with any of those.

I want to see this..

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High Level Alberta July 2015

 

not this..

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Real photo of High Level Alberta 4 days ago

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High Level Alberta

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Smoke coverage of Alberta and surrounding Provinces

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I Somewhat Saved A Life..& It Feels Good

I’m not a hero or anything, I don’t even own a cape, but in today’s day in age, not all wear capes anyways right? I do own a a lot of spandex though..

If you’ve read my recent post, you’ve noticed I’ve been in a darker place lately, struggling if you will. I have recently found myself ending up on the dark side of the web… no, not the dark web, but in places were people talk about how miserable their lives are and reaching out for help. Sometimes, I read the stories to see what other people in the world are up too. I know my problems are minuscule to others who actually are suffering. I have food and a roof over my head for Pete’s sake, I am more than well-off. Reading those stories sometimes give me perspective and open my eyes to what is really going on. We tend to get lost in our current “terrible” situations and forget that there is usually a light at the end of the tunnel. But for some, there isn’t, or maybe…they need help seeing it.

In the past few weeks of reading and searching, I came across a post by an anonymous person who was clearly at their wits end. This post wasn’t beating around the bush at all. There was screams for help that were obviously present. Suicide was definitely something on this persons agenda. I immediately send this person a private message versus responding to the comment section. The message sent read as;

“Hey, if you need someone to talk too, I am here. I won’t try to talk you out of it. But, if you want to someone to hear you out, I’m here”.

This individuals post physically stated that they didn’t want to be persuaded not to do any self harm..so, I thought this would be an incentive to open up without judgement. It worked. Not right away though. I also noticed this persons story was posted 17 hours ago before I sent that message.. I hope I am not too late…

Seven hours later, I get a response. It’s short, not specific, but it does mention how I am the only one who reached out and a thank you. It also mentioned how they recently purchased a rope and are currently practicing knots..Dark, I know..

I would like to say we have been talking now for 5 days. The response time sometimes takes anywhere from 15-24 hours depending on the day. The replies have gotten longer, more detailed, more positive. Well, to be honest.. it’s mixed. The moods change very frequently. But, I have noticed over the course of the 5 days, the change in attitude has become more apparent. The lines that use to read “I don’t feel like things are ever going to get better, it’s better not to be here”. Have transitioned to “maybe I am too young to just give up, maybe things will get better? or not. This world does not feel welcoming”.

This morning after reading their message, I noticed some lol’s.. that is a good sign right? Laughter is medicine is it not? Also, the last sentence really touched my heart and made me smile. It read: “I was having a really bad day yesterday, almost irreparable. But, your message made me feel better for a little while”.

This is why we don’t give up people! There is always someone out there who cares, who will listen. Who genuinely wants to help you without anything in return. If you think about it, I did receive something in return for helping this person. I received a glimpse of hope that this person just might be okay. They live very far away.. On the other side of the world to be exact. But, I can feel better knowing that this person has maybe some spark in their fire to live and push through another day. That is all one can ever hope for.

Live, Love, and always be grateful for what you do have in life. Even if it’s the smallest thing.

Also, I cannot be happier that this was my 100th post. Blessed.

Jenna ❤

The Story Of The Lost iPhone And Missing Owner

This story I am about to tell you is some serious Nancy Drew shit.

The story takes place on a crisp Monday morning. I was on my way to an appointment and was headed to the bus stop near my place of residence. Inside the bus stop in the corner of my eye, something caught my attention on the bench. It was a red iPhone 8 plus. I looked away and straight ahead. I guess what I saw didn’t process. A moment later I glance at it again. Hesitant, I slowly inch myself towards it. I look from side to side checking my surroundings. Am I being set up?

I slowly reach towards the phone and press the home button. The screen illuminates and I see a few notifications and the background photo. It’s the face of a child. I automatically assume this phone belongs to a parent. I pick up the phone and examine it. It has a Kate Spade case on. It’s figure it’s a mother or a very proud aunt. Also, the phone is locked with a pass code, great. I then realize my bus will be there in less then 2 minutes. I need to make a decision what to do with this phone. Do I leave it and not make it a responsibility? Do I take it with me? I need to make a choice now. If I leave it, I risk the chance someone who will not return it might get their hands on it. This bus stop tends to have mainly students and teenagers and it is still early morning. Many people will be at this bus stop in the next hour or so.

If you could believe there was a sticky note on the ground inside the bus stop, believe it. I picked it up and noticed there were 3 names written on it. I don’t read the names. I scratch them out and write “if you lost an iPhone, call the iPhone or call my number *my number here*” then place it on the glass inside the bus stop. The bus pulls up beside the stop and I place the phone in my purse and get on. Immediately, I start the investigation process.

How long was the phone there for? The last notification was 14 minutes ago from Instagram. A text message comes through. I realize that message preview is on and I can read everything that comes in. The person is saying she can’t work those days since she will be on holidays. The number is saved so I can’t contact the person since the phones locked. Someone else texted. Same kinda thing, work schedule related and mentions her name, Veronica. So from the information I’m gathering, her name is Veronica and she has something to do with scheduling people’s work shifts.

It’s been 30 mins now since I’ve had the phone and the owner hasn’t tried to call. A third text comes in. This time, the number is not saved in the phone and I can use my phone to call or text it. So that’s exactly what I do. No one answers when I call so I send a text. My text says:

By this point I have reached my destination and 4 more text messages have come in. All within the same context, work scheduling related. All these numbers are also saved to the address book so the number is not available to me. I haven’t mentioned yet how I’ve tried to Facebook search the names of the people who have been texting or searching the name Veronica on Facebook relative to Edmonton, Alberta.. Also, way too many freaking Veronica’s in Edmonton. Just saying.

At this point I have some time in between waiting for me to be seen and signing forms. I try Siri again. “call home”…. nothing.. “call HOME”…. nothing… “call mom” …nada..

I get called in and I’m in there roughly 45 minutes. I check the phone for activity, nothing other then 3 more texts about work schedule crap. Where the hell is the damn owner of this phone? She must have noticed by now her phone is missing!

I now leave my appointment and head for he bus stop to go to work. Once on the bus, Veronica’s phone rings. I answer immediately. “Hello! Veronica? Hello? Is this Veronica??”… “insert some foreign language” then I get hung up on.. okay.. not Veronica? I proceed to send that person I texted before another message.

The minute I get to work, I call Rogers Place. I get no one so I leave a voicemail.. a very descriptive voicemail in regards to the situation. 5 minutes later I get a phone call on my phone. It is someone from Rogers Place.. not Veronica. I am told that there is no one by the name Veronica that works in Human Resources.. at this point I’m at a loss for words. She then proceeded to tell me they have contract workers who aren’t permanent and that she will do some digging on her end. The call ends and I’m left starting to worry about this women name Veronica..

What if something happen to her? What if she left her phone there because she doesn’t want to be found? What if she’s missing? I know if I lost my phone (which I have before for a total of 10 minutes… worst 10 minutes of my LIFE) I would have called it immediately.

But it could be a work phone and she might not remember the number.. I have to stay positive that everything will work out and that Veronica is okay.

Fast forward, I’m at work for a couple of hours. It’s my day off actually but I decided to go in to get some stuff done off the clock. I can do that. It’s now 3:30 pm and still no freaking word from the owner. Just my multiple texts from works saying that can’t work one “those” days… no wonder she left her phone.. I wouldn’t want to deal with the disappointment of people not wanting to work.

I’m now heading to my massage appointment for 5:00 pm. Another text comes in and it’s not work related I don’t think. Mainly cause it’s not in English and has a smiley face with the tongue sticking out. I decide to pop open google translate on my phone and type in the text. It reads “bring us dessert please =P” and the translation came from the Filipino language. Okay.. so Veronica is a Filipino mom who does or doesn’t work in Human Resources at the Rogers Place, who deals with rejections of people’s work schedules. GREAT

At this point I’m convinced something weird is going on… did this women do something wrong? Does she not want to be found? Am I now going to be targeted for something? What the hell! I was just trying to help this person out! She’s making it extremely difficult! Where in the world is Veronica?!

At this point my mom is freaking me out filling my head with nonsense. She tells me to bring it to the police. That’s just what I plane to do tomorrow. If you are wondering why I haven’t done that yet it’s because clearly this women lives super close to me. She uses the same bus stop. The closest police department is almost near the other end of town. I’m doing it for convenience of he owner.

On my way to my massage, I pass by the bus top and grab he sticky note with my phone number on it.. my mom scared me and I didn’t want my cellphone number circulating around.

After my massage I send the person I have been texting another message.

She doesn’t respond to me till awhile later. At this point I have the phone on loud ringer, on my tv stand, with a cloth over the speaker and camera because honestly… who the hell knows anymore. I don’t trust people in this world anymore.

8:36 pm Veronica’s phone rings. I run to it but miss the call, luckily you can just swipe to recall a missed call. A women answers and I say “hello! Veronica?” She replies with “no, but I’m looking to speak to her” She sounds concerned..my next words are ” let me explain to you why I have her phone..”. I explain my case and ask her if she has another way to contact Veronica. She tells me she will get a hold of her, thanks me, and informs me that the phone is very important to her and she is probably worried about it…. but them how come she hasn’t tried to contact it I ask. She says she doesn’t know and will look into it. I give my number and name to her and she goes on her way.

9:03 pm my phone rings.. “Hello Jennifer?” “Veronica!?”..”yes, hello, its me, do you have my phone still?” I confirm I still have it and immediately ask her why she hasn’t called it or tried to find it all day. Her excuse… she was at a Christmas party. -.-‘ damn it woman! I have been worried about you all day and here you are probably getting shit faced and forgot you even had a phone! I didn’t say this to her… obviously.. I just thought it. She told me she thought she forgot it at home and didn’t think anything of it since it is a work phone.

She asks if she can come by around 9:30 pm since she’s on her way home from the party. I ask if I can deliver it to her since I still don’t actually believe the entire situation. She is using her friends phone and asks if she can call me with it when she gets to her house. Which by the way, is literally ACROSS the street. She texts me her address and her house phone number since I have her cellphone. She calls me when she gets home and I suit up to leave my house at 9:46 pm to return this woman’s phone.

As I walk to her house, I think of the scenario and what I will ask her to do to prove she’s Veronica. I decide she either types the code in the phone and unlocks it or tells me what the photo on the screen is. I get to the house, call her house phone and she immediately comes to the door. Sure enough, there is a lady who is Filipino with a bottle of wine in her hand at the door. She smiles and says hello. I say something like “I know this sounds weird, but can you please confirm this really is your phone?” She smiles and starts saying the pass code. I turn the phone screen to her and she types it in. The phone unlocks and I sigh with relief. She then reaches out her arm with the wine bottle in hand. I say “oh no! It’s okay really, I’m just glad you are okay!” And she smiles and stretches it out at me again. So I take it and say thank you. It was a weird day and honesty, I just wanted to go home to bed.

As I walked home, I giggled and thought to myself “of course this would happen to me.. my life is so damn boring I needed excitement” 🙂 which is why it is now a story I am sharing with you!

I haven’t been active over the past 2 years, and that was just mainly a me thing. I guess I lost interest, or maybe lost the motivation to sit down and type. But when I do, I promise it’s a novel that’s for sure! Haha

I hope everyone who reads this has made an effort to help someone out this year. It’s a great feeling especially near Christmas time to be able to help someone in need. I never expected a reward and honestly, was more concerned about the well being of Veronica.

Acts of kindness people! Let’s make this world a better place! ❤️

Peace out ✌🏼

Jenna Rambles

The Power of Touch

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I wanted to share the most beautiful thing that I able to witness and be apart of today. I was blessed with my first experience of treating an autistic young woman today in a couples massage with her mother. She had been treated at the clinic before and I was informed she doesn’t stay still and it would be impossible to communicate with her. I have never treated anyone with autism before so I was a little nervous. She wasn’t high functioning so I could not speak to her directly, I had to speak with her mother who was also receiving massage on the table next to her.

During the treatment she was motionless but made cooing noises from time to time. I would ask her mother if she was okay and look at her facial expressions for feedback. It varied from smiles, eyes closed, and blank stares. She always however, looked at her mother and smiled. At one point during the massage her mother and her locked eyes. Her mother lay there smiling at her and she smiled back. Her mother loves her so much and her daughter knows and returns the love. I could feel the energy from her run through me. I felt the love, the happiness, the innocents. I started to tear up just watching them share that moment. It was such a beautiful thing to witness and how it can instantly restore faith in humanity. I know she sensed my emotions because she looked at me and smiled. She watched my face for the rest of the treatment. Touch is one of the most powerful senses. One of the many reasons I love my job.

Have a great weekend!

A Trip for a Mission

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I haven’t posted for quite a while. I literally have been a chicken without a head for the past two months.

So what’s the deal? I’m going away for a month to Europe. Right? Shouldn’t I be ecstatic? …Maybe if I was considered “normal people.”

To be completely honest, I have been DREADING the whole thing! I leave Monday! My flight is at 9 pm! and I have absolutely no FREAKING idea what I’m doing. The plane tickets and accommodations have been booked for over a month now if not more. Pretty sure I have changed my mind weekly if not daily on if I’m going or not. For the past week since Monday, it has actually progressed to an hourly debate. Just in this past hour before I started writing this post I have broke down and said I’m not going 5 times. My mom is convinced I have completely lost it, and you know what, maybe I have.

Confused yet? Let me clarify. Matt about 5 months ago was preparing to take oversea courses in Europe to in hopes one day become a professional soccer coach. Great right? Life goal, a dream of his since he was a teenager. Lets make a trip out of it. First stop, England. This is where he will be doing his licensing coaching course. For this portion of the trip I will be alone 90% of the time. Which is fine, really. The other portion of the trip will be travelling to Portugal and Spain to stay with some of his family members to cut costs and save on money. Genius right? This all sounds pretty worth while no? A month away in a beautiful part of the world with your partner, what could possibly be so confusing and complicated?

What if everything didn’t make sense any more? What if the situation wasn’t as clear as it use to be? When I say situation, I am referring to the relationship. What if the nature of the relationship had changed along the way? What if it became selfish and one-sided? What do you do then? What if it was based on a viscous circle where the two just never meet? Can your heart be there and not at the time time? If it isn’t, do you give up and walk away? Do you try and salvage what is left in hopes of restoring it?

What if you know whole heartily that things will never change and only progressively get worse? You want to be happy, but don’t know what happiness is. You would of sacrificed everything you had to make sure someone else’s dreams were made possible, but in reality, knew the favour if need be would never be returned. Do you hold on? Who is truly the selfish one?

For every moment reality set in, your heart became an open door. The circle was broken and not even the worlds strongest adhesive could fix it. The circle became exposed to external influence and all of it’s contents inside had slowly seeped out.

This all seems pretty vague, but the connections can be made.

The point is, I have already committed to going and spent the money on a flight and accommodations that I will not be able to get back. Matt is aware of my indecisiveness, but it not affected by it. His path is set and I can “tag along” if I want. Please tell me that I am not the only person who sees a problem with this mentality? This is the mentality I have been battling for past year. Before you start with the personal attacks with who’s fault it is, keep in mind you are not aware of the investments that were made. I am aware of the signs and deep down, want to believe to know what is best for me. But I have to make this mistake to find out.

This is not entirely a giant mistake though. This is a perfect opportunity for me to go there and find direction. Clear my mind, figure out what my next move is going to be to better my life. This is time I need to take care of myself and truly figure out, what does Jenn want? What will make her happy?

I will take all blinders off on this trip. Nothing to  conflict my thoughts. I am leaving my heart behind so my mind can think freely. If there was one thing I always promised myself in life, it was that I would be successful and serve a purpose. I know I am more then capable of that then what I have been producing lately. I need to navigate my life better. I might be young, but times ticking and it’s easier to do things now then when you are in your 30s- 40s.

This trip will be a life and self discovery mission for me. I’ve wasted too much time focusing on other things in life. Other peoples happiness cannot be the reason I exist. I need to make myself happy first, and that’s exactly what I will do.

So as I leave behind my life here for a month, as I board that plane at 9 PM, I will start my life change.

– Jenna

International Woman’s Day

Did you know what today was?
Neither did I.

It was actually brought to my attention by a coworker who wanted to share with me what today should be about.

Apparently, woman today are NOT supposed to work. Funny, I’m sitting at work right now as I write this post. Woman are NOT supposed to cook. Woman are SUPPOSED to be appreciated….. Isn’t this supposed to be everyday? The appreciation part. Woman belong in the kitchen and I don’t believe in woman just sitting on their asses. ANYWHO the point of this post is, she has told me she asked her boyfriend purposely what today was.
His reply was “….is it our anniversary?”…No…..”… Is it the anniversary of the day you came to Canada?…”… No.

Why do men automatically think it’s an anniversary day?!

To test this theory, I tired it myself.

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See? Never fails.

But any-who! To all females everywhere, happy international woman’s day!