The Power of Touch

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I wanted to share the most beautiful thing that I able to witness and be apart of today. I was blessed with my first experience of treating an autistic young woman today in a couples massage with her mother. She had been treated at the clinic before and I was informed she doesn’t stay still and it would be impossible to communicate with her. I have never treated anyone with autism before so I was a little nervous. She wasn’t high functioning so I could not speak to her directly, I had to speak with her mother who was also receiving massage on the table next to her.

During the treatment she was motionless but made cooing noises from time to time. I would ask her mother if she was okay and look at her facial expressions for feedback. It varied from smiles, eyes closed, and blank stares. She always however, looked at her mother and smiled. At one point during the massage her mother and her locked eyes. Her mother lay there smiling at her and she smiled back. Her mother loves her so much and her daughter knows and returns the love. I could feel the energy from her run through me. I felt the love, the happiness, the innocents. I started to tear up just watching them share that moment. It was such a beautiful thing to witness and how it can instantly restore faith in humanity. I know she sensed my emotions because she looked at me and smiled. She watched my face for the rest of the treatment. Touch is one of the most powerful senses. One of the many reasons I love my job.

Have a great weekend!

14 Day Smoothie Detox- Day 2

  

Peanut Butter Jelly Smoothie (breakfast/lunch)

  • 1 cup chilled black coffee
  • 1 cup chocolate almond milk
  • Handful of mixed berries 
  • 1 Tbs peanut butter 
  • 1/4 cup chocolate whey protein powder
  • Pinch of cinnamon 

Verdict = freaking Godly!!

This smoothie tasted A-Mazing! The only con to this smoothie was the fact it tasted so good that, it never made it till lunch! Heck! It barely made it out the door! Definitely going to be making this smoothie again! It honestly tasted like an amazing PBnJ sandwich without the bread, with a kick of chocolate and coffee! Soooo tasty!

It gave me energy throughout the entire day. It also gave me the urge to shit myself, seeing as the coffee is like a diuretic to me -.-‘.. STILL, an awesome smoothie none the less. For lunch, I decided to bring back solids.. If you consider hummus and baby carrots lunch I guess. I NEEDED TO CHEW! It was more of a snack. I caved. Although, it was pizza Friday at work today and the meat lovers pizza looked me dead in the eyes. I said no, not today my friend, not today. Self-control FTW!… I stole a piece of sausage though…What? I’M HUMAN!

My dinner smoothie looked and sounded pretty promising! Until you get to the middle layer… the green layer… the layer of death. HOLY FUCKING PARSLEY! When I tasted it before I layered it on, it wasn’t too bad. I tasted more Kiwi then anything. That was because it was only a spoon full. I drank this bad boy with a straw and let me tell you, I nearly gagged to death. In a state of panic I swirled the straw around and ended up mixing the three layers together. OH my JESUS. It tasted like a homeless man’s corn hole. I don’t know what that actually tastes like, but I can only imagine it would taste like that. GAG.

I’m starting to see a trend here. Parsley is the devil and should be banned from all smoothies! WHO DOES THIS TO A SMOOTHIE!?! GAWD!  3 Layer Smoothie (Dinner)

Top Layer

  • 1 Tomato
  • 1/2 Cup frozen mixed berries
  • 1 Tsp Organic Maca powder
  • Chia seeds

Middle Layer

  • Handful of parsley
  • Handful of Spinach and Kale
  • 1 Kiwi
  • 1/2 Organic Banana
  • 1 Tbs of Green powder
  • Chia seeds

Bottom Layer

  • 1/2 Organic Banana
  • 1 Orange
  • 1 Cup of frozen diced Mangos

Verdict = mmm-DEAD-YUMMMM (In order of layers)

Needless to say, I survived day 2 and ready to take on day 3! The smoothies better come out 10/10 tomorrow. One more horse shit smoothie and I’m out!.. Not out… just loosing faith….I can’t swallow any more Booster Juice lies *cries*

How To Lose 10 Pounds in 5 Days

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I’m here to share with you my secret to losing 10 pounds in literally 5 days with 6 easy steps!

Step 1- Go on Vacation to the Caribbean (Cuba, Dominican etc.)

Step 2- Eat EVERYTHING. Seriously. Try and eat only 3 times a day with a few snacks in between. But when you do eat, especially at the buffet, try everything.

Step 3- Drink EVERYTHING. Even if you are warned not to consume water unless its bottled. Or to avoid drinks with high amounts of coconut milk because it might upset your stomach. Drink it anyways.

Step 4- Contract Travellers Diarrhea. You may be thinking at this point if not already, “What the fuck is wrong with this moron?!”… It’s okay, I promise you. You’ll thank me later.

Step 5- Spend 99.8% of your life for the next 5 days in the bathroom. To pass the time; create a source of entertainment for yourself. I can guarantee you it gets lonely in there. I like to bastardize songs like “wrecking ball” by Miley Cyrus.
Example- “It came out like a wrecking ball, I’ve never shit so hard before” etc.

Last but not least…

Step 6- Enjoy your new body. After spending 5 days spewing your guts out of your asshole, you deserve to be happy. Those skinny jeans you couldn’t get past your ass will slip right on.

Oh I almost forgot. Make sure after the 5 day plan, head over to your family doctor for a visit so he can prescribe you some serious fucking drugs. Chances are you have a bug or parasite that’s eating you inside out and you could possibly die.

Please use this diet plan at your own risk. I shall not be held accountable for any casualties. I am not a professional dietitian.

Philips Satinelle Epilator Review – For Fun

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What I should have named this post is “Philips Epilator – Shitty Review” but lets be honest, you wouldn’t bother reading it! So consider yourselves outsmarted! HA!

Well, now that your here, perhaps I should fill your head with complete utter garbage. About an Epilator! YAY! *Jazz hands* Now before you want to kill yourself for even reading this far, I assure you it can only get worse from here. So bare with me. Please? *Sob*

If some of you gave a shit to read the post previous to this, you would have read that I epilated my boyfriend’s hairy ass with my brand new epilator. Yes I’m fucking crazy. Does that answer your question? It was a bet that I was SURE I was going to win. Instead, a valuable life lesson was learned yesterday.

Anyway’s, I also mentioned what an epilator was. A handheld torturous device used to make women wish they were more like naked mole rats. I’m being serious. Call me a pussy, but that shit fucking hurts! I wasn’t kidding when I said it basically is a electric pair of tweezers, moving at light speed ripping out a million hairs at a time!

If waxing wasn’t bad enough, some genius created this brutal man made contraption to remove body hair. I’m going to assume it was a male. Not that I’ve done my research on who created this thing. But 99.8% of the time, it’s of the penis gender making women want to kill themselves one invention at a time.

Now, I have a high pain tolerance. Really, I’m not just trying to make myself look big. But that shit fucking SMARTS!

Like, it’s been 3 days since I used it and my legs are STILL on FIRE! Given, this was my first time ever using this vile machine so who knows. It might be less painful the next time I decide to consciously, rip the hair out of my legs in the most brutal way ever! I’m pretty sure pouring gasoline on my legs and setting them on fire, would hurt a whole lot LESS and be just as efficient then that shit!

Otherwise. I love the machine. Best 56 dollars I’ve spent in a long time to remove my beastly thick body hair! If you are a masochist and want a really effective method of hair removal, I highly recommend this lean mean killing hair removal machine! It rips the FUCK out of your legs giving them that bumpy after feel and appearance. Almost like a chicken.

Enjoy your chicken legs! Sexy!

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Attention: This is not a resourceful nor professional review. Please don’t flip shit on me. Thanks

Chicken- Balls!