To Trim Or Not To Trim

Forewarning before you continue reading, this is going to be a TMI personal story I’m about to share with you. For those of you who don’t know what TMI stands for.. TO MUCH INFORMATION!

But this story is too embarrassing for me not to share 🙂 I’m willing to sacrifice my shame and dignity for your entertainment…

Haha! Yeah okay, what dignity?? If you have been a follower or have ever been unfortunate enough to read anything I post, you already know I wasn’t given dignity as a character trait when born.

That being said, I would like to take you to the deepest darkest place known to human.. my thoughts.. got you there didn’t I? You were thinking hell weren’t you! Nah, hells got NOTHING on me.

It all started yesterday when I went to the washroom to pee. I saw the amazon rainforest that rested upon my nether region. I thought to myself ..”damn bitch, did you forget what a razor is or you just that poor to afford one?”

It’s true, it’s been like … err.. 3 months give or take since I’ve taken anything remotely sharp to my bonsai tree .. that’s being too gracious.. bonsai trees are small.

I decided enough is enough! At this point, I am probably harbouring some small Pygmy village in there! .. kidding.. maybe.

I went to work and like any desperate *cough* BUDGETING *cough* female, I did some research. Usually, I’m a waxer.. but I’ve also come across some interesting studies that too much waxing can lead to saggy pussy syndrome. I made it up.. sorry for the profanity. I’m not. I don’t want a downstairs “like sleeve of wizard” as quoted by the famous Boart. Also, let’s be real for a seconds for my female readers.. waxing is essentially theft. Common, am I right or no? You get charged per body part.. umm I’m Italian, give me the Sasquatch special please and thank you. Use the heaviest duty wax out there while you are at it.

Shaving, what is it to shave? You can spend scents, dollars, sometimes more depending on how many layers of skin you want to take off or amount of blood you want to lose. But for an Italian, shaving is a waste of time. I shit you not. I shave, literally 5 mins later, 6 o’clock shadow. UGH

Plus, with shaving comes darker, thicker, more angrier hair! You would need a machete to cut through that crap!

Now trimming… trimming sounds effective and easy. Almost fail proof if you ask me. I watched some youtube videos on which ones are decent and how to use them. I came across this and decided to buy it at shoppers drug mart after work.

Bonus! It was also on sale! Booyah!

Fast forward..I am now home finished showering and have prepared the “work” area for the mess it was about to receive.. RIP bathroom..

I’m going to try and be as graphic as possible..

I placed my left foot on the top of the sink to get the best possible angle, lighting, and view of what I was doing. Everything was going fine. Until I see a stream of blood pouring down the inside of my leg. For a moment, I thought I trimmed my lady lips off. I screamed and my roommate came flying into the bathroom door…no knock or anything.. just swat team entrance.

Let me paint this extremely embarrassing picture for you.. I’m standing there completely NAKED.. one leg still propped up open wide on the sink counter.. blood everywhere! Toilet paper covered in blood everywhere ..I tried to stop the bleeding with toilet paper .. yeah..

He yells “what the hell did you do!?” To which I reply in tears and whimpering like a puppy ” I don’t knowwwww”

He grabs a towel and covers me and runs to get paper towel. By this point I realize that I didn’t massacre my lady bits.. but caused a small flesh wound on my finger that was causing the excessive bleeding..

What I’m assuming happen was the razor on the other end of the trimmer must have cut me.. I didn’t notice until blood was everywhere.. Stupid high end razors and their fancy 5 blade bullshit.. I would of know I got cut if I used a cheap razor.. trust me.

So hey, the poor dude gets back after seeing me completely naked, bleeding to death, spread eagle on the sink.. and now I have to tell him it’s my finger that’s bleeding… just my finger..

His response is to roll his eyes and throw an entire roll of paper towel at me and say “dude, you can’t even maintain yourself like a normal human being”… By the way, we’ve been roommates for just over a year… That just goes to show you how USELESS I AM!

Not my finest moment.. and I don’t really have many.. but this one takes the cake.

The verdict is.. if you can use a butter knife safely, you can probably use a trimmer. But, if you are likely to hurt yourself with a plastic butter knife.. also, not one of my finest moments… stay clear from anything with a blade.

Jenna out!

One Is The Loneliest Number

One Is The Loneliest Number- Three Dog Night

So as I was showering, I don’t even know HOW but this song popped in my head! I haven’t heard it since I was 10 or 11! How weird!

Well it is a catchy song!

Enjoy!

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One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It’s the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you’ll ever know
Yes, it’s the saddest experience you’ll ever know

‘Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two

It’s just no good anymore since you went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday

One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do
One is the loneliest
One is the loneliest
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do

It’s just no good anymore since you went away (number)
One is the loneliest (number)
One is the loneliest (number)
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do (number)
One is the loneliest (number)
One is the loneliest (number)
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do (number)
One (one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do)(number)
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do (number)
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do

Just For Fun

100THINGS

 

Yes, you read right! I’m bored and thought this would be something fun to do to pass time.

Well here it goes…100 things.

1) I obviously have nothing better to do since I’m doing this.

2) I love reading and writing.

3) I really enjoy drawing and being creative/artistic.

4) I also love music and anything to do with it. Playing, listening, etc.

5) I am really good with my hands.

6) Numbers 3 and 4 are examples of 5.

7) I massage people for a living. Professionally.. I’m Registered. (also refers to number 5)

8) I’m really afraid of public speaking.

9) I am horrible with communicating my feelings.

10) I hate crying. Although, I do it often.

11) I hate vomiting even more. I tend to cry after I vomit…It’s pathetic really.

12) I resent both of my parents.

13) 7 is my favourite number or anything with 7 in it.

14) I use to sing in the choir until my grade 2 teacher told me I sing like a dog.

15) My favourite colour is currently bright-lime green.

16) It use to be black. Moving up in life.

17) I’ve successfully completed ALL my laundry for the week.

18) Apparently I’m considered over emotional..

19) I like to call it being sensitive.

20) I can taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke.

21) I love video games. Pc, PlayStation, Nintendo, you name it, I’ve most likely played it.

22) I am 75% Italian, 20% German, and 5% Polish.

23) I have over 5 calendars and agendas/schedulers but never use them.

24) I have four pets currently. Two dogs and two cats.

25) One of the dogs actually belongs to me. I bought him for $800 .

26) So he’s legally mine

27) I named him Nocello.

28) I have a sister and 3 half sisters.

29) I use to have a rabbit named Pepper and a Parrot named Pete when I was younger.

30) I really need to pee.

31) I am Catholic.

32) I worked from the age of 11 at a banquet hall.

33) I had to pay for my own education if I ever wanted to amount to something.

34) If I get jealous, it’s for an actual reason.

35) I painted my toe nails bright-highlighter-Yellow cause I can.

36) I have a a bleeding heart.

37) I love helping people.

38) Number 37 conflicts with number 36.

39) I am petrified of sharks.

40) My greatest fear actually is a plane crashing into the ocean and still being alive, but then a shark eats me.

41) I realize how stupid number 40 sounds so, shut up.

42) I always have to sleep with a pillow either between or under my legs.

43) I love roller-coasters and extreme rides.

44) I will try anything at-least once!

45) But if it doesn’t please all senses, I’ll never eat it again.

46) Most people probably stopped reading this at number 4.

47) I dropped French class after grade 9.

48) I regret high school and wish I could do it over again.

49) I love to play music REALLY LOUD!

50) I actually screamed that in my head as I typed it. Thought you should know.

51) I love older music. Anything from the 50’s to late 90’s.

52) I hate my body ratio.

53) Let me rephrase that. It’s ass to love handle ratio.

54) I cannot stand romantic movies and chick flicks.

55) I only saw American Pie 1 for the first time 2 weeks ago.

56) I took up blogging a few years ago because, I think writing in a diary is lame.

57) I own and use 2 diary’s fairly often.

58) I like feedback from people that actually read the shit I write.

59) I enjoy reading other peoples blogs.

60) I’m still deciding on what to do with my life.

61) I just finished my first Real Estate course exam on Saturday.

62) I think I failed, but wont know till midweek or later.

63) I’m super impatient when it comes to waiting for grades or test results.

64) I fear failing at anything at all times.

65) I’m afraid of ending up alone.

66) I’m considered photogenic.

67) It takes me one minute and 3 seconds to do my hair.

68) I can stay up all night just laughing and telling jokes.

69) Sometimes my laugh can disturb the peace of the public.

70) I’ve been told I sound like Bart Simpson when I laugh.

71) Thank God Bart Simpson’s voice is done by a female.

72) I own EVERY season of Family Guy.

73) I can imitate Lois Griffin’s voice.

74) I love sunflowers.

75) And sunflower seeds.

76) I don’t care if people like me or not.

77) Unless they are people that have to be around me all the time.

78) I still need to pee.

79) I chew way too much gum.

80) I have gum packs everywhere.

81) My sister is 2 years younger.

82) She use to steal all my clothes and personal belongings.

83) This is why I purposely put a lock on my bedroom door.

84) I just put a piece of gum in my mouth.

85) Nom, Nom, Nom.

86) It’s spearmint. Yum.

87) My only bad habit was biting my nails but, I stopped 2 years ago.

88) First time I shaved my downstairs was in grade 7.

89) I felt bald.

90) the only reason I did it was because my best-friend told me too.

91) Math was never my forte.

92) I love spicy food.

93) Cinnamon is my favourite spice.

94) I should really go pee before I get another bladder infection or it explodes.

95) I have a horrible sweet-tooth.

96) I sometimes skip out on food, but devour dessert.

97) Especially Chocolate.

98) I carry around my Iphone and Ipod Touch.

99) I’m certain no one is reading this. (Maybe Paul =D)

100) 100! Okay I’m done. Bathroom time!

 

 

 

 

 

I Can Catch!

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Yah! A fucking cold! *cough cough* I’m leaking from every orifice of my FACE! Attractive right? Fucking NO!

I sound like a retarded Seal when I try and talk. Apparently my new nickname is Snuffles. It sounds like a puppet from Mr. Dressup! Ugh! I almost always piss myself when I sneeze! I feel like a 80 year old woman with a bladder problem!

I’m desperately trying not to go to the doctor because I don’t want to violate my body with medicine. So instead, I decided to torture myself a different way. You know what’s worse then drinking Apple cider vinegar in your water? Up chucking the apple cider vinegar water all over yourself and the kitchen table because it tastes like dirty asshole! Don’t ask me how I know what that tastes like! Cause I don’t! I can only assume it would be very very BAD!

I also decided to poison myself with oregano oil in my water. It’s fucking putrid! Like, I would rather drink rat piss! Just thinking of it makes me vomit in my mouth. Fuck.

Wanna know what’s more flattering? Walking around with tissue stuffed in one nose hole so I can breath! Yah! If that’s not hot i don’t know what is.

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Kill me …

Midnight Boredom 2

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Yay! Whats this? Midnight boredom selfie part 2!! Fuck yah!

This is A picture from October last year when I went to Cuba! Missing that hot weather!

What’s the word big bird? There’s talk of possible vacation creeping up this October?! This makes me super duper happy! In the pants, WHAT!

2 AM already? Damn! Work in 6 hours! Rape me horizontally!

GaH!

A Picture To Replace Words

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So today I’m so freaking tired to be even bothered to write anything more then a sentence. But because I did not want to break my daily posting streak, I decided to post a picture that makes me laugh instead. Besides, it’s funnier then anything I could ever write. I love bubbles!! I’m such a tool. Uh Durrrrr

Ps. There is more then a sentence there.. FUCK!

Things I’m Good At – Part 1

For those of you who care to know more about me, you rock. For those of you who don’t, can’t say that I blame you. I happen to be extremely bored today on my day off work and, instead of doing something productive with my time, I decided to do this instead. Bite me!

Now, I’m awesome so obviously, there’s a lot of shit that I’m good at! But, because I’m a lazy tool, I can only list a few 🙂

So here it is! The shit I’m “good” at –

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I’m good at cooking. A woman who cooks? Unheard of! No seriously, I’m really good at cooking with Cooking Mama, and in real life too of course. I’m Italian so I have no choice. My father warned me at the age of 10 that “If you don’t know how to cook, no man will ever love or marry you.” Striking the fear into his daughter at an early age really worked though, seeing as I can whip up just about anything that doesn’t send you to the hospital. Do you love me now? *Wink Wink* Thanks dad!

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I’m good at pissing people off. Actually, let me rephrase that. I’m EXTREMELY good at pissing people off. The amount of times that I am told to shut up or fuck off a day is way too many times for me to keep track of. It’s because I’m so awesome that people can’t handle me. At least that’s what I like to tell myself. *cries* To be honest though, I’m the type of person who speaks my mind, but sometimes my mind has the case of the runs. It usually results in a lot of thiswtf_2.. So…yah…SHUT UP!

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I’m good at painting nails. Whether it be mine or someone else’s. I’m awesome. Did I mention FREE? Free is always good. *ahem*

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I’m exceptionally good at dancing. Mainly hip-hop, although from the ages of 6-17 I specialized in Latin Ballroom.

That’s it. That’s all I’m good at! HA! Kidding!…*sigh* I’m hopeless.