Era Of Choice

I found myself  thinking long and hard about which era I wish I was born in. The answer was simple, the late 60’s early 70’s obviously. I was born in the 90’s.. well, technically the 80’s if you consider I was born in December 1989.

I am a music junkie to say the least. It is certainly something I depend on daily to get me through every step of way. I love 90’s music 100%..but, if I am being honest…I enjoy 70’s music more.  Like common now, the best and most influential music came from the 60’s- 70’s! The Eagles? Led Zeppelin, Queen, Pink Floyd, AC DC, The Doobie Brothers, Fleetwood Mac, Journey! Ugh! This list could go on! There is something about these bands that just give you purpose and deep feeling when you listen to their music. I can truly say that the music today kids are listening to makes me wish I could hit the rewind button on time. The thing is..it is actually considered music which is the worst part.

Maybe I am close minded to the music being made today cause I was born in raised in a house hold were my father loved his classic rock and my mom loved her oldies. If you aren’t someone who has listened to music from the 60’s and 70’s, do yourself a favor do so. You’ll thank me later.

If you had a choice, what era do you wish you were born in or could of experienced?

I am going to bless you today with this track that I have been listening to this morning. It has probably made me cry at least twice already haha! That being said, that is not my intention to make you cry. It is not an overplayed tune, so I hope it makes you nostalgic if you haven’t heard it in forever. Just enjoy the sweet sounds from the early 70’s and enjoy the rest of your Saturday morning or afternoon.

Love,

Jenna ❤

But I Gotta Have It!

So the other day I was talking to my mom and she decided to poke fun at me about all my crazy “obsessions” growing up. Some of them I thought were pretty fun, others, just weird. Anyway’s! So I decided to make a post about all the things I was apparently “obsessed” with and HAD to have! These are in no particular order at all.

Tamagotchi’s

I was a major die hard junkie for these things! I remember having like 12 at one point all at the same time! If you don’t know what a Tamagotchi is, well then you aren’t cool enough. Basically, it is a needy two-bit animal-alien thing that in order to live and grow, needs to be fed, played with, giving it medication if it gets sick and cleaning it’s shit (literally)..Then they grow up and eventually die. Or you neglect them and they die anyway’s. Really gives a child the sense of responsibility. HA!  The best part about this obsession, I was like 6 or 7 years old and in school all day. Plus, these toys were banned from being in class. SO, my mommy had to take care of all 12 for me :). As she retold the story, one day 4 or 5 of them died because she was too “busy” to take care of them, and when I got home for school I freaked out and accused her of murder. Told her she was a horrible babysitter and I would never leave my children with her again! Oh Jenn HAHA! This faze died at the age of 9 I believe.

Gel Pens

I could NOT get enough of these things! I had boxes and pencil cases FULL of these magical pens!! From glitter, to neon, glow in the dark, pastel, you name it! I was that rainbow child that only wrote in colours. Really pissed off the teachers especially when I wrote with highlighter green or yellow, even attempted writing in white once. Oh the memories! I got a new package once a week! I would cry when one of them stopped working or explode (which happened a lot). There was a point where I couldn’t leave a store WITHOUT a package of gel pens. LOVED them. Still do 🙂

Love2Love Bears

You probably don’t know what the hell these toys are. If you do, I’ll be surprised! This was my other stupid “obsession” that mommy had to take care of. This small key-chain battery operated bear was useless to say the least. It’s soul purpose was that scented baby bottle attached to it. It contained the smell of a certain fruit depending on which colour bear you bought. The bear it’s self had only 2 functions. Make nurturing sounds when you shoved the baby bottle into the hole in it’s face, and his nose would light up like Rudolf the red-nose reindeer. Useless, but NEEDED to have all of them.

Sailor Moon

I needed to be picked up everyday for lunch in elementary school to get my Sailor Moon fix. It was like crack to me. I recorded all the episodes onto VHS tapes so I could re-watch them when it wasn’t on. I had all the character dolls and could re-enact all the episodes with them. Sad I know. Till this day I can still sing the entire theme song. Kill me now.

The Spice Girls

Yep, I was obsessed with them. My room was decked out in posters and spice girl bubble gum stickers. I owned every album and dragged my mom to see their movie in theatres. Also, I ended up watching the movie so much, the VHS tape broke…*sigh* My favourite one was Victoria spice until she turned into Christian Bale from the movie The Machinist.

Pokémon 

Gotta catch them all was right! I was and still am obsessed with Pokémon! Like sailor moon, I needed to watch all the episodes AFTER school, recorded them all on VHS, collected ALL the cards (still have them) owned all the video games (still play them) and even battled the cards in the hallways at school like a loser. I bought a pack of cards a day after school at the local smoke shop with my birthday/Christmas money. I can sing the entire theme song even now! Proudly 🙂

Waffle and Ice Cream Sandwichs

I would want this for breakfast EVERY morning! Actually, I NEEDED this for breakfast every morning! I would refuse to go to school unless I got my Vanilla ice cream and waffle sandwich! Who the hell wants toast and cereal when you can have this godly piece of art?!? Maybe that’s what I was bowling ball when I was younger :/..MEH!

Nintendo Magazines

I hoarded these magazines and still do. I own ALL the retro ones and sometimes like to skim through them for nostalgia. I would read them ALL the time. Even during reading period in school, I would pull 3 or 4 our of my desk to read. Sometimes I would hide them in my actual school books and read them during class or lectures. I unfortunately got caught one day and had them confiscated. Cried for 5 days and wrote a nasty letter to the teacher and principle demanding my life back. My <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>life</span> back? My god…Child logic.

National Geographic

I had and still have a membership with these guys. I have a bookshelf dedicated to these magazines. I started reading them at the age of 5. I also made a stink of owning my fathers older collection so I could have an “official” collection.  Before a bookshelf, I use to just stack them in the basement near the bar till one day they fell over and almost killed my cat. Death by leaning tower of National Geographic’s anyone?

Kevin Bacon

Okay, I don’t even know how to explain this one. The first movie I had watched him in was Apollo 13, fell madly in love with him, and became “obsessed”…After that movie, I saw Hallow man and I was sold. I wanted to marry this man, possibly bare his child. It was absolutely the funniest thing apparently to my family. My uncle one day while I was at his house just drooling over a DVD cover of Kevin Bacon on it, decided to taunt me and say “Bacon is for eating, not for loving”…*sigh* That “obsessive crush” lasted an entire year. Yikes!

The Sims

This is obviously pertaining to just the initial “The Sims” game. I had played a bootleg version of it one day at my neighbours house and I just HAD to have this game! Who doesn’t want to Simulate their own freaking life?! I want to build a house from scratch and destroy simulated lives for fun! This is all I talked about day and night! At home and at school! I NEEDED it! SO, I saved up money for months till I was able to purchase the game! I remember as if it was yesterday! I got it from Zellers! It costed me 50 something bucks but I was the happiest moron alive! I couldn’t wait to get home and load this bad boy! To my surprise though, when I tried to run and install the CD…NADA…I had failed to look at the operating system requirements to run the game. Windows 95 or higher. Dude, I was sporting a Windows 3.1 like a boss. There was no way this game was going to work. I must of cried from disappointment for like 2 weeks. Searching every possible way to try and make it work on a Windows 3.1..It never happened…a year later, we ended up getting a Windows 98. I also had purchased every single expansion pack in the meantime…Go big or go home.

Aloe Juice

I would pound down 2-3 bottles of these a day. My obsession with this beverage got to the point where I had milked the convenience store DRY! They were out of stock for 2 weeks at one point because of me. I HAD to have aloe juice with every lunch and dinner or I wouldn’t eat. Nuts, absolutely nuts

Popping Blackheads

I had/have a really big obsession with popping these things! Mine and other peoples! I have a horrible habit of scoping them out just about anywhere. You can bet your bottom dollar that if I am talking to you and spot one, chances are I’m dying to ask you to pop them or let me do it. It is SOOOO bad that I have gotten SLAPPED by friends for trying to pop their blackheads without their consent…. It’s sick, I know, I have problems, but I am NOT the only person out there like that. I know many!

Sum 41

When I was in grade 10 there was a point in my life where I could NOT sleep unless I had Sum 41 playing on my walkman (No, I did not own an mp3 player) I would have to put this particular CD on loop every…single…night….after listening to the other songs on different albums at least once. So basically, I had to listen to every Sum 41 song ever made to sleep. What the actual F***!

Disney Underwear

I own about 53 pairs of Disney underwear in total too date. Which of course, I’ve been told not wear any more.. *sad face* I have been told so many times that it is illegal to be with me since it can be considered as paedophilia. What!?!?! Can’t a grown woman not wear what she wants?!?! Besides, Victoria Secret is so yesterday 😛

Fire

So I was and still am a pyromaniac..Besides, the picture says it all! O00h and I love the smell of matches! Mmmmm

 Crossword and Word searches

There would be tons of newspapers with missing squares lying around everywhere! I would buy the newspapers, cut out the crosswords and word searches and then make a booklet out of them. Cause I’m cool like that. Couldn’t just buy an actual book right? *sigh* I would make sure I did 3-4 puzzles a day! It was a MUST. My parents oddly hated this obsession. It lasted 2 years.

Sunflower Seeds

This was the worst obsession/addiction EVER!! It was so unhealthy and messy! I can’t believe I didn’t contract hypertension from all the salt I would intake from these things! I would sit there and by the handful, suck all the salt off, spit them all out, and then proceed to eat them. Watching me do this was beyond disgusting and painful to watch. My mom would sit there and just bitch at me to stop instead of actually taking them away. “Jenn, look at the mess you’re making”… “you’re lips are bleeding”…”you are going to end up choking”..”why are you so repulsive?”… I swear I continued this “obsession” just to piss her off. I miss it.

Christmas

I have and will ALWAYS be OBSESSED with Christmas! My room looks like the North Pole when I am done decorating it. You can find me decked out in Santa hats and reindeer antlers. I’m usually pounding back eggnog and then throwing up because I cant drink milk or consume eggs. (Poison) I have Christmas music on ALL the time. All the radio stations are set to 98.1 CHFI because it’s 24 hours of non stop Christmas music! YAY!!! This can easy piss everyone off. I watch the Santa Clause Parade every year and make people watch it with me ( I hate being happy alone) plus, all those awesome movies and shows like Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, It’s a Wonder life etc…  and! I make sure the Christmas lights and tree are up in November. Obsessed? Nah!

Fishtail Braids

About a year and a half ago, I would do these EVERYDAY just because I wanted wavy pretty hair! I would wake up super early to shower and make them so by the time I had to leave for work, my hair would be dry and wavy when I took the braid out. I do this occasionally now because I am too freaking lazy. It is so worth it though! Pretty HAIR! 🙂

Estrella Damm Beer

New obsession since I came back from Europe is this beer. I cannot get enough of this liquid crack in a can. It is Godly too me. Thank you Spain, thank you.

There you have it. Now you know. I’m nuts. 🙂

 

Top 10 Christmas Movies

1) The Grinch

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I love this movie! Jim Carey is my all time favorite actor! His face alone makes me die!

2) The Santa Claus

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A classic of course. Not really much to say. That’s me everyday in the morning. Fuck I’ve put on weight.

3) Bad Santa

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This movie is just bad! I’m sorry, children should NOT be watching this! I only watch it for that fat kid.
Fat kid- “Should I fix you some sandwiches?”
Willie- “I don’t want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin’ fucking sandwiches?”
AHAHAHH! … Sorry…

4) Miracle on 34th Street

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Another classic. Just love it.

5) The Polar Express

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Need I say anything. Believe.

6) The Muppets Christmas Carol

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It’s the fucking muppets. Their awesome. Enough said.

7) A Charlie Brown Christmas

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Who doesn’t love Peanut’s?!

8) Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer

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Who doesn’t enjoy animal porn?

9) Frosty The Snowman

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Teaching children it’s okay to be retarded…. Happy Burfday!

10) A Christmas Story

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Ugly leg Lamp for the win.

Demon Child

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Guess what time it is! It’s story time! YAY ! Oh no, what’s that? You don’t care? I don’t blame you *cries* And yes, that is me digging for gold.

I’m here to talk about demon children. Why? Cause I can. Because I dear internet, was in fact, a demon child. One of those kids that you would actually question how the parents never killed it. I was that fucking child! I was destructive, calculated, expensive and just flat out freaking annoying!

As a child, I would put my parents in debt. I had this curious and mischievous nature about me that liked to take shit apart. Not just any shit. Not my toys, not random shit lying around. Not this kid. I would take apart telephones, remote controls, stereo systems, gaming systems, and VCRs. Of course I could take it apart, that was easy part. The hard part was putting it back together again! I never could, so it would just end up being a pile of motherboards, wires, buttons, and other tiny pieces. My parents loved having to go shopping weekly to replace my bad hobby… NOT! Shit like that is expensive and adds up.

My parents till this day, tell me what a destructive kid I was. I think ultimately the best story I was ever told was the time I thought the VCR was hungry, so I decided to feed it a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! HAHAAA! I freaking die even just writing about it! Apparently one day they went to put in a tape to watch a movie and it wouldn’t go. After trying to force it, they took the tape out to notice peanut butter all over the side of it, looked into the VCR, and saw the sandwich! Haha! When questioned, I replied with -” I thought it was hungry” … WoW Jenn. *sigh*

As I got older, I switched to my obsession with fire. I would play with matches, lighters, candles, our gas stove. If it had fire, it was hours of fun. I would set paper, clothes, toys, blinds, and myself on fire. One day, I got ahold of my fathers Zippo and ended up dropping it on the carpet in the upstairs hallway. While it was lit I might add. Umm, I think it’s safe to say we all know what happen. The carpet set on fire and I was grounded for 2 months… I forgot to mention slapped the shit out of as well. *tear* my ass met the wooden spoon that day multiple times. I guess I deserved it.

Slipknot

In my teenage years, looking back, I can confidently say I scared the shit out of my mom. I’m 100% sure she thought I was possessed and need exorcism. I went through a phase where I enjoyed listening to heavy mental rock, like Slipknot and Rammstein religiously. Not because there was a problem, but because I genuinely liked the music. I will never forget the day I asked her for the Slipknot CD for Christmas. She didn’t know who they were, so she agreed and bought it. The album she picked up was the Vol. 3 (The Subliminal Verses).. I remember her telling me, she literally thought ‘What the fuck’ to herself when she saw the cover work. That day when I received the CD, I shortly went to my room to play it. Within 4-5 minutes, she had made her way up to my room, slowly opened my door with scared wide eyes, walked over to the CD player, took the disk out, didn’t take the case, and as she walked out said- ” we are going to church right now, go get dressed” …. But MOM! – “No! There is clearly something seriously wrong with you! Lets go!”

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Hahahah! Oh mom! You kill me.

I literally had to start listening to shit like Celine Dion and Gwen Stefani just to make her happy, and most importantly, stop trying to drag me to church. What I would put myself through for them.. Jeez.

Not much later on in my teen years I started listening to beats. Don’t even get me started on how I hated Gino’s and Gina’s! So stupid! But I kinda liked the music, so sure. Why the fuck not. The only thing I never understood was ‘Glow-sticking’ how the hell was that considered dancing?!? But I’ll try anything once. I’m adventurous like that .

So! One day my mom was on her way to the dollar store, so I had asked her to pick me up ‘glows-sticks’ “Mom, I want the big ones! The ones with the string attached to them! Get me 2 please”.. She was the parent who always asked why. Not that I blame her, but still. Her response was – “why do you need those? You going to attack the cats with them?” ….. Ugh’ no mom! I just want them okay? See! The fact she had to ask that! Demon child!

So, she bought them. A few days later I was attempting to ‘glow-sticking’ in my room, while playing beats when she then decided to just walk in on me. I can still remember her face. It’s like it was yesterday. I knew she never understood me, and for good reason. I was such a strange fucking being that you couldn’t understand even if you tried.

What will she do next?

Looking back, I feel sorry for my parents for having to put up with me. Not because I was an extremely terrible kid or anything. Or because they were good parents. Cause they weren’t. But because I know I wouldn’t have the patients to handle me. I would of killed me! I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks mom and dad for not hanging me or putting me up for adoption. Although, I’m still convinced I was switched at birth and they aren’t my real parents. Blah!

I guess the point of this story is, that if any weird fucker out there one day decides to mate with me and procreate. Good fucking LUCK! Lets hope it carries more of your genes and not mine. And if by some chance you were worse then me. Then, lets not!

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Confessions Part 1

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Have you ever had a fear of something so much that it was crippling? Like, just the thought of it would send you into fits of crying, panic attacks, extreme heart palpitations, and a horrible case of the shits or vomiting? If your really unlucky sometimes both, AT THE SAME TIME! Well if you don’t have one, consider yourself lucky!

Mine happens to be public speaking. Now before your all like “HA HA PUSSY,” just shut up and let me try and explain. Throughout my whole life, annoying cry baby Jenna wasn’t able to muster up the BALLS to talk in front of large groups of people. Large groups being more then 3-4 people. Nah! I’m shitting with you, more then 1. NOW, this goes for people that were my age too like classmates and such. Older people- FORGET it! But it gets way worse. You see, I would weasel my way out of presentations all the time! And when I say weasel I mean like fucking crying, that ugly whaling that makes people want to put you out Old Yeller style. Snot spewing all over the place, puking chunks from dinner the night before. It was gruesome. Thinking about it actually gives me the chills. I was such a whinny little twat that the teachers just did it so they wouldn’t have to listen to me. Looking back on those days makes me wish I could visit the younger me and beat the shit out of her. Repulsive.

Usually it would result in me doing the presentation for the teacher only, before or after class. GAWD I hated that Jenn! That Jenn had no life skills at all! Sadly, this dragged on into College where the teachers became more strict, so I couldn’t get away with as much. Nothing the good ol’ doctors note here and there couldn’t fix.

Anywhore, the point of this shitty story is, yesterday I had to present myself to a bunch of parents in a meeting. All I had to do really was explain to them about myself, my job, the purpose or role of me being there, and how I would be an asset. Pretty simple right? Who can’t talk about themselves? Hell fucking, NO. Not this chicken shit.

I woke up a total disaster yesterday morning. Knotted stomach, the case of explosive kamehameha turds. (It’s a Dragon Ball Z reference for those who didn’t know). On top of that, I swear I woke up with a bladder infection because my stupid body decided to shut down over night! Yah! Good for nothing meat sack.

Well anyway’s, in the end, I did it. Pretty well I might add. *happy face* That’s pretty much it. I Chuck Norrised that shit fear in the FACE. BOOM.

Moral of the story is, if you were or are a giant pussy just like me, just shut up because one day, no one is going to give a shit about how nervous or stressed out you are. Or how many times you had to change your pants because you shat yourself. Your only choice is to do it, or go bury yourself in the backyard cause chances are, your not going to make it in life.

So grow some fucking Shark Balls! Those balls are the fiercest. You’ll thank me later.

High-Five!