Confessions Part 1

scared-shitless

Have you ever had a fear of something so much that it was crippling? Like, just the thought of it would send you into fits of crying, panic attacks, extreme heart palpitations, and a horrible case of the shits or vomiting? If your really unlucky sometimes both, AT THE SAME TIME! Well if you don’t have one, consider yourself lucky!

Mine happens to be public speaking. Now before your all like “HA HA PUSSY,” just shut up and let me try and explain. Throughout my whole life, annoying cry baby Jenna wasn’t able to muster up the BALLS to talk in front of large groups of people. Large groups being more then 3-4 people. Nah! I’m shitting with you, more then 1. NOW, this goes for people that were my age too like classmates and such. Older people- FORGET it! But it gets way worse. You see, I would weasel my way out of presentations all the time! And when I say weasel I mean like fucking crying, that ugly whaling that makes people want to put you out Old Yeller style. Snot spewing all over the place, puking chunks from dinner the night before. It was gruesome. Thinking about it actually gives me the chills. I was such a whinny little twat that the teachers just did it so they wouldn’t have to listen to me. Looking back on those days makes me wish I could visit the younger me and beat the shit out of her. Repulsive.

Usually it would result in me doing the presentation for the teacher only, before or after class. GAWD I hated that Jenn! That Jenn had no life skills at all! Sadly, this dragged on into College where the teachers became more strict, so I couldn’t get away with as much. Nothing the good ol’ doctors note here and there couldn’t fix.

Anywhore, the point of this shitty story is, yesterday I had to present myself to a bunch of parents in a meeting. All I had to do really was explain to them about myself, my job, the purpose or role of me being there, and how I would be an asset. Pretty simple right? Who can’t talk about themselves? Hell fucking, NO. Not this chicken shit.

I woke up a total disaster yesterday morning. Knotted stomach, the case of explosive kamehameha turds. (It’s a Dragon Ball Z reference for those who didn’t know). On top of that, I swear I woke up with a bladder infection because my stupid body decided to shut down over night! Yah! Good for nothing meat sack.

Well anyway’s, in the end, I did it. Pretty well I might add. *happy face* That’s pretty much it. I Chuck Norrised that shit fear in the FACE. BOOM.

Moral of the story is, if you were or are a giant pussy just like me, just shut up because one day, no one is going to give a shit about how nervous or stressed out you are. Or how many times you had to change your pants because you shat yourself. Your only choice is to do it, or go bury yourself in the backyard cause chances are, your not going to make it in life.

So grow some fucking Shark Balls! Those balls are the fiercest. You’ll thank me later.

High-Five!