Philips Satinelle Epilator Review – For Fun

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What I should have named this post is “Philips Epilator – Shitty Review” but lets be honest, you wouldn’t bother reading it! So consider yourselves outsmarted! HA!

Well, now that your here, perhaps I should fill your head with complete utter garbage. About an Epilator! YAY! *Jazz hands* Now before you want to kill yourself for even reading this far, I assure you it can only get worse from here. So bare with me. Please? *Sob*

If some of you gave a shit to read the post previous to this, you would have read that I epilated my boyfriend’s hairy ass with my brand new epilator. Yes I’m fucking crazy. Does that answer your question? It was a bet that I was SURE I was going to win. Instead, a valuable life lesson was learned yesterday.

Anyway’s, I also mentioned what an epilator was. A handheld torturous device used to make women wish they were more like naked mole rats. I’m being serious. Call me a pussy, but that shit fucking hurts! I wasn’t kidding when I said it basically is a electric pair of tweezers, moving at light speed ripping out a million hairs at a time!

If waxing wasn’t bad enough, some genius created this brutal man made contraption to remove body hair. I’m going to assume it was a male. Not that I’ve done my research on who created this thing. But 99.8% of the time, it’s of the penis gender making women want to kill themselves one invention at a time.

Now, I have a high pain tolerance. Really, I’m not just trying to make myself look big. But that shit fucking SMARTS!

Like, it’s been 3 days since I used it and my legs are STILL on FIRE! Given, this was my first time ever using this vile machine so who knows. It might be less painful the next time I decide to consciously, rip the hair out of my legs in the most brutal way ever! I’m pretty sure pouring gasoline on my legs and setting them on fire, would hurt a whole lot LESS and be just as efficient then that shit!

Otherwise. I love the machine. Best 56 dollars I’ve spent in a long time to remove my beastly thick body hair! If you are a masochist and want a really effective method of hair removal, I highly recommend this lean mean killing hair removal machine! It rips the FUCK out of your legs giving them that bumpy after feel and appearance. Almost like a chicken.

Enjoy your chicken legs! Sexy!

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Attention: This is not a resourceful nor professional review. Please don’t flip shit on me. Thanks

Chicken- Balls!

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50 Bucks You Say?

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“I bet you 50 bucks that you couldn’t last a second!”…. 50 bucks later. *Cries* Before your all like “What the fuck?” I’ll explain the stupid life decision I made. I bet my hairy, Portuguese boyfriend, that he wouldn’t last getting his ass cheek epilated. THE FUCKER DID IT! He actually did it!! I think the picture is pretty self explanatory of where I used the epilator. X marks the spot. Also, incase you don’t know what an epilator is, it’s a torturous device made for women to simultaneously rip out hair on their legs. Like 50 hairs at a time! Imagine a pair or tweezers ripping out hair really really fast! Fucking OUCH right? Ah, women. The shit we do to ourselves.

Oh! I also got his parents and his 8 year old brother to watch. Just because me being the giant cunt that I am, thought he would scream and cry like a little BITCH! Nope. Not a peep. I’m such a sadist. *Evil grin* But I was shit out of luck, lost 50 bucks, and now I’m broke, again. *Sigh*

So besides me having my boyfriends ass cheek hair in my brand new epilator, I’m 50 bucks in the shitter. Fuck.

I just wanted to share my new valuable life lesson on bets. No matter now painful and torturous the device is. When there’s money on the table. DON’T DO IT. That is all.