So I did a thing recently.. something I never thought I could do. I purposely forced myself out of my comfort zone. What did I do you ask? I went live. What does that mean? I streamed. Who the beep cares? ME! I CARE! Because the old me would never have done something that terrifies her!
You might be thinking something along the lines of, “What is so scary about streaming? Literally everyone and their pet dog does it daily”.. While this may be true, I have stated before that I have a crippling fear of being judged and ridiculed. So, me pressing that “Go Live” button really shocked me. Now, I didn’t do anything mind blowing like using a webcam.. baby steps.. But I spoke on mic while I played a video game of my choice for a full hour and thirty-ish minutes. I even had 2-3 people chatting with me and one person even sent me a “raid” of 5 people. If you don’t know what a raid is, kudos to you. A raid is when a streamer sends their viewers from their stream to your stream. I think I explained that right. This is nothing to write home about but it was honestly exhilarating for me. No one (as of yet) insulted my voice that I absolutely hate. No one said (yet) that I am terrible at gaming… I am still too much of a scaredy cat to even turn on the webcam..maybe that will be my next step.
That first time was daunting. I remember my heart beating so fast I could hear it. My hands were shaking and sweaty. All I could think to myself were excuses NOT to do it… But, I found myself counting from 5-1 and then closing my eyes while I clicked the button..That’s it.. I was live. It’s not like there was no going back from that.. I could of just as easily pressed the stop button and ended the “stream”.. but I didn’t. From there, I got my first viewer.. my heart was racing.. I couldn’t find words to say.. I sat there silently just playing the game. Then my second viewer showed up but didn’t stick around.. 15 minutes into the streams the person who had been there started to talk to me..so I started to respond. Soon, there was 3 viewers off and on.. they started to stick around longer. Another person started to talk. I was now an hour and fifteen minutes in. 10 minutes before I finished streaming, I received my very first raid. I was so grateful and so nervous..mainly because now, I felt as if I was responsible to entertain these 5 people who were just watching someone with experience. I ended my stream shortly after, thanked the people who stuck around and went offline.. My mind raced for hours after that and I just wanted to delete the one thing I finally accomplished… speaking to the public.. online.
Since then I have streamed 4 more times. I have 6 followers which might seem like nothing, but they are 6 people who found me entertaining (I think).. My goal is to become affiliate but there is so much discouragement in process of that.. like getting 50 followers, having at least a minimum of 3 people stick around for the next 30 days..It’s easy to stream.. just building an audience is the hard part.. let alone a following.
However, minus looking at the negatives, I am trying to look at the positives. I am trying to build a backbone here. I am trying to get over my fear of public speaking and judgment while being 100% me…
I, for one, think that is something to be proud about.
“Do one thing everyday that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Have a good day everyone.
Love Jenna ❤
Ello! I was bored so I decided to Google a Naughty or Nice List test for shits and giggles! The answers are between stars (*) followed by some stupid shit I would say- ha ha!
What did you get in your stocking last year?
- I have no idea. Who cares about the stocking?
- Some really nice gifts
- *If someone wants to “get in my stockings”, they’ve just gotta buy me dinner first.*(I’m clearly kidding….I don’t even own a stocking wahhhhh 😥
Have you ever sneaked a peek at your Christmas presents?
- No! That’s naughty! And it ruins the surprise.
- *When I was a kid, but only once.*(This could possibly be a lie. I said possibly right?)
- Yup. Every year.
- Depends…are YOU my Christmas present? ::wink::
Do you re-gift?
- *No* (This is actually very true.)
- I think once, maybe
- Every year I re-gift at least one thing
- All the time, if I can’t return the crappy gift.
When the weather outside is frightful, you like to stay home and cuddle with what?
- *A teddy bear* (I’m a giant child)
- A nice book
- A nice drink
- A good-looking hottie
If you’ve been nice and not naughty, what kind of present should Santa bring you?
- I’m a girl. Santa should bring me a girl present if I’m nice.
- *I’m a boy. Santa should bring me a boy present if I’m nice.* (Look, I don’t want barbies or an easy bake oven..Give me VIDEO GAMES- RAWR)
Have you ever dressed up as Santa?
- *No, but it might be fun.* (Where can I find a good fat suit?..Oh wait, where’s the cookies?)
- No, that’s lame.
- Yes, it’s all about spreading Holiday cheer
- Yes, for that hottie I mentioned earlier!
If you discovered Santa Claus trapped in your chimney, what would you do?
- Help him out
- Hop in the sleigh and take over to make sure the gifts get to everyone in time
- Hop in the sleigh and help yourself to the gifts
- *Ha! Ha! Tickle Santa…I can’t help myself.* (That’s the psycho in me 😀 )
What are you giving to your special someone for Christmas this year?
- I’ll carefully figure out what they want and surprise them.
- I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure something out.
- Ugh…do we have to exchange gifts this year? How about cash.
- *Me!* (I lie. I got him Three Days Grace concert tickets and his favourite soccer teams training Jacket. Ahem..Spoiled much?)
You find out your crazy Aunt is knitting you another fugly sweater this year. What do you do?
- Kindly accept. She works hard on those.
- Nod and smile. Just nod and smile.
- Conveniently forget to take it home with you.
- *Subtly express your feelings by burning it in effigy.* (NOT! I LOVE those hideous Christmas sweaters! Wtf does effigy mean?)
What treat are you planning on leaving Santa this year?
- Cookies and Milk
- *A healthy treat for Santa and carrots for the reindeer!* (Yah, get it together fat ass before you die of a heart attack!)
- Nothing. I’m not stupid.
Your friend didn’t get you anything last year. What do you get them this year?
- I get them something every year.
- *We’ll figure out if we’re exchanging gifts, I don’t want them to feel bad.* (More like if they get me something, I have no choice but to get them something. Bad friend ALERT)
- Screw them!
- Hmmm…they must not be a good friend!
What is your favorite Christmas movie?
- “Miracle on 34th Street”
- *”A Charlie Brown Christmas”* (NONE OF THE ABOVE! Where the hell is the Grinch?!?)
- “Bad Santa”
- “Love Actually” – lots of hotties in that movie…
Who is your favorite reindeer?
- *Rudolph* (DUH)
- Is “Craphead” a reindeer? (LOL this is pretty funny though)
Santa isn’t just for kids, you know. How old are you, anyway?
Would you go back to school to get smarter?
- *Yes, I want to be smarter than my friends* (Who the hell asks this question? I don’t really know what this has to do with being naughty or nice more like pompous or jealous)
- No, I’m plenty smart already
You are sugar and spice, so the list you’re on is “Nice”! Christmas for you is a time of giving and sharing – the important stuff. You spread holiday cheer by being grateful for the real gifts in your life. Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!
This is clearly a load of shit. Hot steaming Giraffe shit. Nice? Nice my ass! What kind of farce ass answer is that? Based on my answers, the results should of been- “You are on the Santa wants you to kill yourself list.”
These are the lamest questions by far! Like honestly! Where are genuine questions like – “Did you kill anyone this year?” or “Did you tell your nasty pootang supervisor to fall on a sharp rusty knife?” ..THOSE are questions you SHOULD be asking to declare someone naughty or nice. Jeeze
Well anyway’s, hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Which if your normal, would be a 0 on a scale of 1-10. HA.
Nut-Cracker. Cracker of Nuts. Nuts that Crack.