I’m Back!..With a 30 Day Weight Loss Challenge?

Okay, so…I’ve been MIA for how long now? I’ve lost track of EVERYTHING!

Let me start off by saying I don’t even live in the same Province anymore! I’ve moved thousands of miles out West across Canada. In the past year, I have dealt with a lot of loss. I lost my Grandmother to a hemorrhagic stroke… I lost my boyfriend of 5 years because he decided he was going to cheat on me. I lost one of my best friends just because? I essentially lost myself. I fell into depression, severe anxiety and panic attacks… just a complete wreck.

Over the past few months since January, I have made serious changes to my life. I meditate now and do Yoga? Never did that stuff in my entire LIFE. I went vegan for a while which I’ve done before. But most importantly, I left my entire life back in Toronto, Ontario that I’ve built for 27 years. Why? Because I can and because I direly needed to.

Now, the reason being for this post is because I want to really challenge myself. Sadly, through everything I have gone through.. I have lost serious amounts of willpower, self control and determination. Through writing again, I am hoping it might help me stay focused and on track with my goals. Plus, its always good to voice your shit to people who will judge you blindly 🙂

So, get ready WordPressers! Starting tomorrow June 1st I’m going to fill your newsfeed with bullshit of my shitty workouts and weight loss bird food diets! Kidding.. I wouldn’t eat bird food… But I would eat rabbit food 😉

 

Ps. Jenna is back

Second Year Anniversary

Me and Matt Randoms

Happy second year Anniversary to my boyfriend Matthew!

Two years already and you haven’t killed me? You deserve a cookie! Your still alive too so, consider yourself lucky.

I love you even though you piss me the fuck off 99.7% of the time. Okay, I’m no cake-walk myself. Kudos to the both of us for making it another year!

Love your ever so frustrating, annoying, obnoxious, complicated?, “can’t believe I haven’t strangled her yet”, girlfriend

– Jennifer

If I Were A Zombie

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Photo Credit: My Uncle and his Iphone

I’d be smoking hot! Like come on! Look at that face! Yes folks, that picture of pure sexiness, is me 🙂 As you can see it was taken with an app from the TV series “The Walking Dead”

I have NEVER watched that show, nor do I ever want too. But I must admit, an app that can zombify your face is pretty awesome!

Thoughts? I know I would tap that. Look at those LARGE bulging baby blue eyes. Rawr!

Thanks Dead Yourself app! You made me look officially 100x hotter!

Funny Lines

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So besides being dreadfully sick, I’ve had a pretty okay week. Okay, I lied. I’ve had a horrible week and I can’t wait for it to end! Blah!

On the plus side, I’ve hear the most ridiculous but hilarious things within the past 2 days. Well, at least they are funny to me….Shut up.

SO! The first thing that I heard was on the radio while I was driving to work. It was on 102.1 The Edge. I can’t remember the conversation, but I think it was on the Dean Blundell Show. Anyway’s, the conversation was about scooters and motorcycles and why men ride them. Dean went off to say;

“Scooters are for men that like to feel the wind in their vaginas”

I’m sorry, I died laughing… But then again. I’m easily amused. =/

Shortly after there was conversation as too why men sometimes cannot get an erection during foreplay. Women usually blame it on the guy being nervous. There was an intern there at the time who I assumed told them a similar story. Of course Dean started ripping on her, saying things like; “MAYBE you grossed him out!”, “Is your junk mangled?” AHAHA ! HA !…Sorry.. So then he proceeds to listing reasons as too WHY. The line that killed me was;

“It looks like you’ve got a small tree in a leg-lock”

BAHAHAH!!! …. Ahem!

Oh how I love his show! I’m a music person and for one, cannot stand talking or commercials. But! His show KILLS me. Literally. I almost got into a car accident from laughing so hard….

Last but not least was the conversation I had with my boyfriend on the phone last night. Recently I had updated his music library with over 3,000 songs. Yah, I know. He is musically retarded sadly, so I had to help him. With over 3,000 song, I didn’t bother going through it obviously. Ain’t nobody got time for dat. 🙂 So he basically got a whole bunch of crap he’s not into. Like Sheryl Crow, and Leann Rimes. He didn’t have the time to go through all that music either before he left so, he dragged and dropped EVERYTHING to his Iphone.

So last night, I guess he had been listening to music, and to make a long story short, decided to comment on it. His line to me was;

“You have more Enrique Iglesias songs then a sad Spanish girl”

You see! Funny! No? …Pfft, Fine! I’ll just keep laughing by myself… like a sick lonely crazy person. *Cries*

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*COUGH*

I Can Catch!

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Yah! A fucking cold! *cough cough* I’m leaking from every orifice of my FACE! Attractive right? Fucking NO!

I sound like a retarded Seal when I try and talk. Apparently my new nickname is Snuffles. It sounds like a puppet from Mr. Dressup! Ugh! I almost always piss myself when I sneeze! I feel like a 80 year old woman with a bladder problem!

I’m desperately trying not to go to the doctor because I don’t want to violate my body with medicine. So instead, I decided to torture myself a different way. You know what’s worse then drinking Apple cider vinegar in your water? Up chucking the apple cider vinegar water all over yourself and the kitchen table because it tastes like dirty asshole! Don’t ask me how I know what that tastes like! Cause I don’t! I can only assume it would be very very BAD!

I also decided to poison myself with oregano oil in my water. It’s fucking putrid! Like, I would rather drink rat piss! Just thinking of it makes me vomit in my mouth. Fuck.

Wanna know what’s more flattering? Walking around with tissue stuffed in one nose hole so I can breath! Yah! If that’s not hot i don’t know what is.

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Kill me …

Currently Doing…

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Yes, it’s that time again. That lonely and boring time again… *cries* My boyfriend decided to ditch me for like 10 days to go Moose hunting with his dad in Upsala Ontario. Do you know where that is? Butt-Fuck No WHERE! That’s where!  Like North West of Thunder Bay! 18 hour drive to NO WHERE! We could of drove to PEI in that amount of time. POINTLESS!

nowhere!

Do you see what I see? Absolutely NOTHING!

You can’t be serious…

Just to kill poor innocent Moose. Look at that face! I can’t even with that face!

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Soulless bastards!  =(

Anyway’s where was I.. Oh, I am bored as fuck. Currently playing Super Mario Bros. 2 on my Nintendo 3DS. I feel like a retard because for some fucked up reason, I can’t get by level 5-1 ! I just CAN’T! *Cries* Stupid Stupid STUPID!

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Not to mention Donkey Kong is making me rather uncomfortable. Sitting there all stupid, watching me fail repeatedly….

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Fucking Monkey dick.

Oh and this is my dog Noche…. Thought you should meet him.

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Flattering. Yorki Samurai. *Said in a thick Japanese accent*

This ones better. He looks like Johnny Depp. Pretty sure he can’t see. Mind the mess.

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K Bye!