5..4..3..2..1..Go

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So I did a thing recently.. something I never thought I could do. I purposely forced myself out of my comfort zone. What did I do you ask? I went live. What does that mean? I streamed. Who the beep cares? ME! I CARE! Because the old me would never have done something that terrifies her!

You might be thinking something along the lines of, “What is so scary about streaming? Literally everyone and their pet dog does it daily”.. While this may be true, I have stated before that I have a crippling fear of being judged and ridiculed. So, me pressing that “Go Live” button really shocked me. Now, I didn’t do anything mind blowing like using a webcam.. baby steps.. But I spoke on mic while I played a video game of my choice for a full hour and thirty-ish minutes. I even had 2-3 people chatting with me and one person even sent me a “raid” of 5 people. If you don’t know what a raid is, kudos to you. A raid is when a streamer sends their viewers from their stream to your stream. I think I explained that right. This is nothing to write home about but it was honestly exhilarating for me. No one (as of yet) insulted my voice that I absolutely hate. No one said (yet) that I am terrible at gaming… I am still too much of a scaredy cat to even turn on the webcam..maybe that will be my next step.

That first time was daunting. I remember my heart beating so fast I could hear it. My hands were shaking and sweaty. All I could think to myself were excuses NOT to do it… But, I found myself counting from 5-1 and then closing my eyes while I clicked the button..That’s it.. I was live. It’s not like there was no going back from that.. I could of just as easily pressed the stop button and ended the “stream”.. but I didn’t. From there, I got my first viewer.. my heart was racing.. I couldn’t find words to say.. I sat there silently just playing the game. Then my second viewer showed up but didn’t stick around.. 15 minutes into the streams the person who had been there started to talk to me..so I started to respond. Soon, there was 3 viewers off and on.. they started to stick around longer. Another person started to talk. I was now an hour and fifteen minutes in. 10 minutes before I finished streaming, I received my very first raid. I was so grateful and so nervous..mainly because now, I felt as if I was responsible to entertain these 5 people who were just watching someone with experience. I ended my stream shortly after, thanked the people who stuck around and went offline.. My mind raced for hours after that and I just wanted to delete the one thing I finally accomplished… speaking to the public.. online.

Since then I have streamed 4 more times. I have 6 followers which might seem like nothing, but they are 6 people who found me entertaining (I think).. My goal is to become affiliate but there is so much discouragement in process of that.. like getting 50 followers, having at least a minimum of 3 people stick around for the next 30 days..It’s easy to stream.. just building an audience is the hard part.. let alone a following.

However, minus looking at the negatives, I am trying to look at the positives. I am trying to build a backbone here. I am trying to get over my fear of public speaking and judgment while being 100% me…

I, for one, think that is something to be proud about.

“Do one thing everyday that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Have a good day everyone.

Love Jenna ❤

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Currently Doing…

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Yes, it’s that time again. That lonely and boring time again… *cries* My boyfriend decided to ditch me for like 10 days to go Moose hunting with his dad in Upsala Ontario. Do you know where that is? Butt-Fuck No WHERE! That’s where!  Like North West of Thunder Bay! 18 hour drive to NO WHERE! We could of drove to PEI in that amount of time. POINTLESS!

nowhere!

Do you see what I see? Absolutely NOTHING!

You can’t be serious…

Just to kill poor innocent Moose. Look at that face! I can’t even with that face!

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Soulless bastards!  =(

Anyway’s where was I.. Oh, I am bored as fuck. Currently playing Super Mario Bros. 2 on my Nintendo 3DS. I feel like a retard because for some fucked up reason, I can’t get by level 5-1 ! I just CAN’T! *Cries* Stupid Stupid STUPID!

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Not to mention Donkey Kong is making me rather uncomfortable. Sitting there all stupid, watching me fail repeatedly….

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Fucking Monkey dick.

Oh and this is my dog Noche…. Thought you should meet him.

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Flattering. Yorki Samurai. *Said in a thick Japanese accent*

This ones better. He looks like Johnny Depp. Pretty sure he can’t see. Mind the mess.

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K Bye!

Answer To Previous Post

Come on guys! Really? I was hoping that people would peg me as a stripper! The hell! Instead you gave me BALLS! I swear I have some serious issues. *sigh*
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Well boys and girls the answer to the 2 lies 1 truth post is *drum roll* Number 2! Yes! I was that fucking retarded kid that saved my tooth-fairy money! Go buy a freaking chocolate bar right? Nope! I was frugal at a stupid age for one to even give a shit about the value of money, but hey! It paid off! I put it towards my PS1! Not like you cared! *cries*
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Now to uncover the lies :-). So, unfortunately I wasn’t a stripper. I say unfortunately because I probably would of made and had way more money. Ahem, instead, I worked in a banquet hall from the ages of 13-18. No! It did not involve me taking off my clothes! I started off as a dishwasher… *sigh* yep, for 2 years until I was 15. Then they put me in coat check for a year. At 16 I started waitressing till 18. I then earned the title as head waitress and bartender. This is how I made money to be able to go to College. Not stripping. So HaH! By the way, that picture is of me at the age of 17 making cotton candy like a badass! God I hated that job. Holy bangs Batman! Look at that monster eating my forehead! What the hell was I thinking?!? *barf*
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I do own a gun though…The Nintendo Zapper *pew pew* 😀