To Trim Or Not To Trim

Forewarning before you continue reading, this is going to be a TMI personal story I’m about to share with you. For those of you who don’t know what TMI stands for.. TO MUCH INFORMATION!

But this story is too embarrassing for me not to share 🙂 I’m willing to sacrifice my shame and dignity for your entertainment…

Haha! Yeah okay, what dignity?? If you have been a follower or have ever been unfortunate enough to read anything I post, you already know I wasn’t given dignity as a character trait when born.

That being said, I would like to take you to the deepest darkest place known to human.. my thoughts.. got you there didn’t I? You were thinking hell weren’t you! Nah, hells got NOTHING on me.

It all started yesterday when I went to the washroom to pee. I saw the amazon rainforest that rested upon my nether region. I thought to myself ..”damn bitch, did you forget what a razor is or you just that poor to afford one?”

It’s true, it’s been like … err.. 3 months give or take since I’ve taken anything remotely sharp to my bonsai tree .. that’s being too gracious.. bonsai trees are small.

I decided enough is enough! At this point, I am probably harbouring some small Pygmy village in there! .. kidding.. maybe.

I went to work and like any desperate *cough* BUDGETING *cough* female, I did some research. Usually, I’m a waxer.. but I’ve also come across some interesting studies that too much waxing can lead to saggy pussy syndrome. I made it up.. sorry for the profanity. I’m not. I don’t want a downstairs “like sleeve of wizard” as quoted by the famous Boart. Also, let’s be real for a seconds for my female readers.. waxing is essentially theft. Common, am I right or no? You get charged per body part.. umm I’m Italian, give me the Sasquatch special please and thank you. Use the heaviest duty wax out there while you are at it.

Shaving, what is it to shave? You can spend scents, dollars, sometimes more depending on how many layers of skin you want to take off or amount of blood you want to lose. But for an Italian, shaving is a waste of time. I shit you not. I shave, literally 5 mins later, 6 o’clock shadow. UGH

Plus, with shaving comes darker, thicker, more angrier hair! You would need a machete to cut through that crap!

Now trimming… trimming sounds effective and easy. Almost fail proof if you ask me. I watched some youtube videos on which ones are decent and how to use them. I came across this and decided to buy it at shoppers drug mart after work.

Bonus! It was also on sale! Booyah!

Fast forward..I am now home finished showering and have prepared the “work” area for the mess it was about to receive.. RIP bathroom..

I’m going to try and be as graphic as possible..

I placed my left foot on the top of the sink to get the best possible angle, lighting, and view of what I was doing. Everything was going fine. Until I see a stream of blood pouring down the inside of my leg. For a moment, I thought I trimmed my lady lips off. I screamed and my roommate came flying into the bathroom door…no knock or anything.. just swat team entrance.

Let me paint this extremely embarrassing picture for you.. I’m standing there completely NAKED.. one leg still propped up open wide on the sink counter.. blood everywhere! Toilet paper covered in blood everywhere ..I tried to stop the bleeding with toilet paper .. yeah..

He yells “what the hell did you do!?” To which I reply in tears and whimpering like a puppy ” I don’t knowwwww”

He grabs a towel and covers me and runs to get paper towel. By this point I realize that I didn’t massacre my lady bits.. but caused a small flesh wound on my finger that was causing the excessive bleeding..

What I’m assuming happen was the razor on the other end of the trimmer must have cut me.. I didn’t notice until blood was everywhere.. Stupid high end razors and their fancy 5 blade bullshit.. I would of know I got cut if I used a cheap razor.. trust me.

So hey, the poor dude gets back after seeing me completely naked, bleeding to death, spread eagle on the sink.. and now I have to tell him it’s my finger that’s bleeding… just my finger..

His response is to roll his eyes and throw an entire roll of paper towel at me and say “dude, you can’t even maintain yourself like a normal human being”… By the way, we’ve been roommates for just over a year… That just goes to show you how USELESS I AM!

Not my finest moment.. and I don’t really have many.. but this one takes the cake.

The verdict is.. if you can use a butter knife safely, you can probably use a trimmer. But, if you are likely to hurt yourself with a plastic butter knife.. also, not one of my finest moments… stay clear from anything with a blade.

Jenna out!

The Story Of The Lost iPhone And Missing Owner

This story I am about to tell you is some serious Nancy Drew shit.

The story takes place on a crisp Monday morning. I was on my way to an appointment and was headed to the bus stop near my place of residence. Inside the bus stop in the corner of my eye, something caught my attention on the bench. It was a red iPhone 8 plus. I looked away and straight ahead. I guess what I saw didn’t process. A moment later I glance at it again. Hesitant, I slowly inch myself towards it. I look from side to side checking my surroundings. Am I being set up?

I slowly reach towards the phone and press the home button. The screen illuminates and I see a few notifications and the background photo. It’s the face of a child. I automatically assume this phone belongs to a parent. I pick up the phone and examine it. It has a Kate Spade case on. It’s figure it’s a mother or a very proud aunt. Also, the phone is locked with a pass code, great. I then realize my bus will be there in less then 2 minutes. I need to make a decision what to do with this phone. Do I leave it and not make it a responsibility? Do I take it with me? I need to make a choice now. If I leave it, I risk the chance someone who will not return it might get their hands on it. This bus stop tends to have mainly students and teenagers and it is still early morning. Many people will be at this bus stop in the next hour or so.

If you could believe there was a sticky note on the ground inside the bus stop, believe it. I picked it up and noticed there were 3 names written on it. I don’t read the names. I scratch them out and write “if you lost an iPhone, call the iPhone or call my number *my number here*” then place it on the glass inside the bus stop. The bus pulls up beside the stop and I place the phone in my purse and get on. Immediately, I start the investigation process.

How long was the phone there for? The last notification was 14 minutes ago from Instagram. A text message comes through. I realize that message preview is on and I can read everything that comes in. The person is saying she can’t work those days since she will be on holidays. The number is saved so I can’t contact the person since the phones locked. Someone else texted. Same kinda thing, work schedule related and mentions her name, Veronica. So from the information I’m gathering, her name is Veronica and she has something to do with scheduling people’s work shifts.

It’s been 30 mins now since I’ve had the phone and the owner hasn’t tried to call. A third text comes in. This time, the number is not saved in the phone and I can use my phone to call or text it. So that’s exactly what I do. No one answers when I call so I send a text. My text says:

By this point I have reached my destination and 4 more text messages have come in. All within the same context, work scheduling related. All these numbers are also saved to the address book so the number is not available to me. I haven’t mentioned yet how I’ve tried to Facebook search the names of the people who have been texting or searching the name Veronica on Facebook relative to Edmonton, Alberta.. Also, way too many freaking Veronica’s in Edmonton. Just saying.

At this point I have some time in between waiting for me to be seen and signing forms. I try Siri again. “call home”…. nothing.. “call HOME”…. nothing… “call mom” …nada..

I get called in and I’m in there roughly 45 minutes. I check the phone for activity, nothing other then 3 more texts about work schedule crap. Where the hell is the damn owner of this phone? She must have noticed by now her phone is missing!

I now leave my appointment and head for he bus stop to go to work. Once on the bus, Veronica’s phone rings. I answer immediately. “Hello! Veronica? Hello? Is this Veronica??”… “insert some foreign language” then I get hung up on.. okay.. not Veronica? I proceed to send that person I texted before another message.

The minute I get to work, I call Rogers Place. I get no one so I leave a voicemail.. a very descriptive voicemail in regards to the situation. 5 minutes later I get a phone call on my phone. It is someone from Rogers Place.. not Veronica. I am told that there is no one by the name Veronica that works in Human Resources.. at this point I’m at a loss for words. She then proceeded to tell me they have contract workers who aren’t permanent and that she will do some digging on her end. The call ends and I’m left starting to worry about this women name Veronica..

What if something happen to her? What if she left her phone there because she doesn’t want to be found? What if she’s missing? I know if I lost my phone (which I have before for a total of 10 minutes… worst 10 minutes of my LIFE) I would have called it immediately.

But it could be a work phone and she might not remember the number.. I have to stay positive that everything will work out and that Veronica is okay.

Fast forward, I’m at work for a couple of hours. It’s my day off actually but I decided to go in to get some stuff done off the clock. I can do that. It’s now 3:30 pm and still no freaking word from the owner. Just my multiple texts from works saying that can’t work one “those” days… no wonder she left her phone.. I wouldn’t want to deal with the disappointment of people not wanting to work.

I’m now heading to my massage appointment for 5:00 pm. Another text comes in and it’s not work related I don’t think. Mainly cause it’s not in English and has a smiley face with the tongue sticking out. I decide to pop open google translate on my phone and type in the text. It reads “bring us dessert please =P” and the translation came from the Filipino language. Okay.. so Veronica is a Filipino mom who does or doesn’t work in Human Resources at the Rogers Place, who deals with rejections of people’s work schedules. GREAT

At this point I’m convinced something weird is going on… did this women do something wrong? Does she not want to be found? Am I now going to be targeted for something? What the hell! I was just trying to help this person out! She’s making it extremely difficult! Where in the world is Veronica?!

At this point my mom is freaking me out filling my head with nonsense. She tells me to bring it to the police. That’s just what I plane to do tomorrow. If you are wondering why I haven’t done that yet it’s because clearly this women lives super close to me. She uses the same bus stop. The closest police department is almost near the other end of town. I’m doing it for convenience of he owner.

On my way to my massage, I pass by the bus top and grab he sticky note with my phone number on it.. my mom scared me and I didn’t want my cellphone number circulating around.

After my massage I send the person I have been texting another message.

She doesn’t respond to me till awhile later. At this point I have the phone on loud ringer, on my tv stand, with a cloth over the speaker and camera because honestly… who the hell knows anymore. I don’t trust people in this world anymore.

8:36 pm Veronica’s phone rings. I run to it but miss the call, luckily you can just swipe to recall a missed call. A women answers and I say “hello! Veronica?” She replies with “no, but I’m looking to speak to her” She sounds concerned..my next words are ” let me explain to you why I have her phone..”. I explain my case and ask her if she has another way to contact Veronica. She tells me she will get a hold of her, thanks me, and informs me that the phone is very important to her and she is probably worried about it…. but them how come she hasn’t tried to contact it I ask. She says she doesn’t know and will look into it. I give my number and name to her and she goes on her way.

9:03 pm my phone rings.. “Hello Jennifer?” “Veronica!?”..”yes, hello, its me, do you have my phone still?” I confirm I still have it and immediately ask her why she hasn’t called it or tried to find it all day. Her excuse… she was at a Christmas party. -.-‘ damn it woman! I have been worried about you all day and here you are probably getting shit faced and forgot you even had a phone! I didn’t say this to her… obviously.. I just thought it. She told me she thought she forgot it at home and didn’t think anything of it since it is a work phone.

She asks if she can come by around 9:30 pm since she’s on her way home from the party. I ask if I can deliver it to her since I still don’t actually believe the entire situation. She is using her friends phone and asks if she can call me with it when she gets to her house. Which by the way, is literally ACROSS the street. She texts me her address and her house phone number since I have her cellphone. She calls me when she gets home and I suit up to leave my house at 9:46 pm to return this woman’s phone.

As I walk to her house, I think of the scenario and what I will ask her to do to prove she’s Veronica. I decide she either types the code in the phone and unlocks it or tells me what the photo on the screen is. I get to the house, call her house phone and she immediately comes to the door. Sure enough, there is a lady who is Filipino with a bottle of wine in her hand at the door. She smiles and says hello. I say something like “I know this sounds weird, but can you please confirm this really is your phone?” She smiles and starts saying the pass code. I turn the phone screen to her and she types it in. The phone unlocks and I sigh with relief. She then reaches out her arm with the wine bottle in hand. I say “oh no! It’s okay really, I’m just glad you are okay!” And she smiles and stretches it out at me again. So I take it and say thank you. It was a weird day and honesty, I just wanted to go home to bed.

As I walked home, I giggled and thought to myself “of course this would happen to me.. my life is so damn boring I needed excitement” 🙂 which is why it is now a story I am sharing with you!

I haven’t been active over the past 2 years, and that was just mainly a me thing. I guess I lost interest, or maybe lost the motivation to sit down and type. But when I do, I promise it’s a novel that’s for sure! Haha

I hope everyone who reads this has made an effort to help someone out this year. It’s a great feeling especially near Christmas time to be able to help someone in need. I never expected a reward and honestly, was more concerned about the well being of Veronica.

Acts of kindness people! Let’s make this world a better place! ❤️

Peace out ✌🏼

Jenna Rambles

If I Could Go Back

Good afternoon all!

It has been awhile since I posted anything but, I’ve been super busy sorting things out and trying to take care of myself! I have been practicing guitar still! Cover video soon I promise!

To be honest with you, this is not why I am here. I am here to reflect and share a large personal part of my past with you. Why? Not that it matters or anything. I’m not looking to get anything out of this post. It’s just something I feel I would like to share and write about.

Let me start by explaining the reason I have been inspired to write about this. Changes, regrets, the bigger question, “why?”

As you know, I have complained about my job in previous posts about how it has taken it’s toll physically on me. So, lately I have been opening my mind to other career options. As I was doing my research on the requirements to registering, my High School diploma happened to be one of them. My High School diploma? I’m pretty sure that was thrown out YEARS ago. Like, the day I received it years ago. Of course, me not remembering what I had done with it turned into a giant search party. I swear I found every SINGLE  report card from Grade 9-12, but no Diploma. Thanks mom! *thumbs up*

“GO CHECK YOUR YEAR BOOKS, MAYBE IT’S IN ONE OF THEM”- mom

….*sigh*….I dread opening those God-awful books. I’ve contemplated using them as fuel for the BBQ more then once but, that would mean I would have to dig them out first.

Now, unfortunately, I HATED High School. I can honestly say that those were four years of my life I wish I could completely forget. But then again, four years that I also wish I had the chance to go back and do everything differently. Four most important years of my life that have shaped me to be the person I am today, also are the years that I have wasted and, will never be able to relive them again. I can only really say that Grade 10-12 were the worst. Grade 9 was amazing, I wasn’t stupid yet. I made great friends, wasn’t  one of the most “popular” girls (popular being extremely slutty, looking a certain way: (extreme make-up,short kilt, big hair, fake tan) etc. But I was far from unpopular. Besides, that’s not what matters. I had a great first year till grade 10. After that it went downhill.

In the summer after grade 9, I fell in love with a boy. Same age, same goals. We got along perfectly. I fell madly in love. I thought we were going to be together for ever. Be High School sweethearts, get married, have children, live that perfect fantasy life. We dated for a year. Until he cheated on me. That’s when my world fell apart. Oh Jenna, it’s not all that bad! It happens to everyone at one point or another….*sigh*

I was 15 years old, Grade 10. Here I was, starting a new grade, with great new friends, a boyfriend! Life was perfect….HA. Yah right.

I am Italian, my father, an old school Italian from Sicily. Boyfriend, not of the same ethnicity and race. Basically in a nut shell. I was shunned at home because of this. To make matters worse, I was mentally and physically abused at home because of it. My situation at home became so bad that at times I would run away from home and stay at friends houses for the night, sometimes days. Or sleep in my mothers car because I was too afraid to go in the house. It didn’t matter though, I was in love and was willing to lose my whole family for him. Till the day I found out he cheated on me. I will never forget that day. We got into a really bad fight afterwards and he decided to purposely spread lies  about me. These rumours ruined my life. I lost friends, respect from teachers and others who weren’t even my friends, more acquaintances. Students would say hurtful things, teachers would give me dirty looks….And for what? Lies? Rumours? Thing’s that were made up to ruin my life by someone I loved and have given up friends and family for.

I became depressed.  I skipped class alot and sometimes full days. I also started to get poor grades. To make matters worse, I had no family to go to. I would come home from a horrible day of mean High School students to then face my parents lashing out at me, hitting me, calling me horrible names. Hearing them enjoy my suffering was even worse. I hated my life, and this continued all throughout grade 10-11. I gained weight from stress and depression. I was 165 pounds. I looked HORRIBLE. I probably would have started taking drugs if it wasn’t for instrumental music. When things got tough for me at school, I would go to the music room during lunch break and lock myself up in a practice room, cry, and play my flute. It was the only thing that kept me sane.

IMG_0053

At last came Grade 12.  I just wanted it to all be over. Grade 12 became my eye-opening breakthrough. I realized that it was now or never to pull my grades out of the gutter and get my life back on track. I was applying for College that year and was excited to enrol in ECE (Early-hood Child Education). I had co-op that year so I spent alot of the time out of the school and in placement in my elementary school. The rumours died down as they usually do in High School. Old news dies fast. Plus, the ex-boyfriend from hell had dropped out before grade 12 started, so the drama was gone.

I missed my Prom and Graduation since I was head waitress already at the banquet hall I worked at. Both parties ironically were held in my hall, go figure.

Most importantly, my grades were in the high 80’s and 90’s and I had learned alot about myself that year. Looking back, I missed out on alot because I made poor choices. Looking through the year books, I was never really in any extra curricular activities, committees, sports teams. Wasted. Which is why I say, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would do things differently.

Although I can’t look back and say I had the greatest four years of my life and share experiences and stories. I can say that my mistakes and life decisions lead me to be the person that I am today. Strong willed, ambitious, passionate, career oriented, hard working, and defiantly NOT someone’s BITCH. You know I had too 😛

Here are some pictures of my High school photos from grade 9-12. I use them now as motivation to never go backwards. It’s only forwards from now. As the years go by you can tell that my appearances changed. Whether it be hair colour that got progressively got darker like my life did, or gained more weight from the stress and depression. Not to mention my general look. You can tell I was miserable, it showed.

grade 9

Grade 9 Photo

grade 10

Grade 10 Photo

grade 11

Grade 11 Photo *shivers*

grade 12

Grade 12 Graduation Photo (God I was huge..Look at that HEAD)

20131230-214054.jpg

Me today in the year 2014

This is me today. Although life still is not where I want it to be and I am always suffering in pain from my job. I am happy. I love my job, I love helping people, I love the changes I’ve made in 2013 for myself that I will only continue to make.

I know who I am, I know what I want (most of the time) and I know I am capable of ANYTHING I put my mind too.

– Jenna

Ps. I never did find my High School diploma, so I’m taken extreme measures of going back to my guidance office to claim it. Wish me luck.

Early Midlife Crisis

1450953_10151986288483361_2014546012_n

Seriously, I do. I’ve hit a point in my life where I’m questioning everything that I’m doing and why. Where am I going? What will I do next?

I feel completely useless at this point in my life and why? Because I don’t have a University Bachelor’s Degree! Apparently in today’s society, unless you have a community college Diploma or University Degree, you are considered stupid and not worthy to hire. Are you joking?!

I’m going to share a small personal story of my life. I started working at the age of 12-13 years old. All throughout high-school, I continued to  work a physically taxing job as a waitress, destroying my body through it’s developmental years. Why? All this to save up money to go to college where I decided to enrol in ECE (Early-hood Child Education)  It was a split program where two years were spent in college, the other 2 in University. After that I would of been off to teachers college. After the first year and two semesters later, I was broke from paying my tuition. I forgot to mention I applied for OSAP, but was declined or offered next to nothing, I can’t remember exactly. Anyway’s, I had no choice but to drop out and continue working to make enough money to go back to school.

After 6 months of working hard, I decided to try and go back to school. During the 6 months I had off to work and think, I had ran into many other options of what I could possibly do. I love science. Absolutely love it to death. I also loved the healthcare field and helping people. I couldn’t afford to go to University unless I was granted OSAP, College wasn’t doing it either in terms of tuition. Next best thing was private College. I decided to learn a profession in healthcare. Somehow I managed to work enough hours to pay off the tuition as I went through school. After two years, I graduated, shortly after did my board exams and got my licence in 2010 and have been working as a Registered Healthcare Practitioner for almost 4 years now. Shortly after followed that up with another two forms of holistic healthcare professions. I’m great at what I do and I love helping people. So what is the problem?

I am physically drained and falling apart. Yesterday during one of my treatments, my bloody clavicle dislocated and popped out. I am a complete and total wreck with one injury occurring after the other. If you look at an X-ray of my body, I look like a lopsided MONSTER! I cried when I saw my own X-rays of my spine for the first time! I questioned the Chiropractor how I could possibly look like that on the inside but, show no signs on the outside. Apparently my meat suit is more durable then my interior.

Looking for other forms of employment, I notice all of them require a community College degree/diploma or a University Degree. I am basically considered USELESS without ONE! So now what?!?!

I am scared of what my future holds next and I am overwhelmed with anxiety. Should I go back to school? Can I even afford it?! Is it worth putting myself through finical debt?!  What if I fail?! Am I smart enough for University? Will I have to take math?!?! (I’d rather die then take math..I literally stopped at BEDMAS)

My main fear is having to take steps backwards instead of forwards. I feel like I have wasted all this time, and destroyed my 23 year old body for nothing. The fact that I’m self-hating is pathetic which is the only word I can use right now to describe such an emotion. There are people out there who have it way worse then I do and, probably with alot less options at hand.

*Sigh* Just in a rut I guess…

That was longer then I expected. Well there yah go. Now you know why I am being pathetic and hopeless on a blog site that in all honestly, you could care less about.

I’ll go back to being my rude crude self again. That always makes me feel better!

1170945_402937596472496_1468426628_n

Reality Check

Listen bitch, your going to the Dominicans in October so stop inhaling Philly’s chocolate cream-cheese spread like it’s air! Your lazy ass still works in that place you wish would spontaneously combust. Fix it! You most likely just gained 4.5 pounds in the last hour because you decided to scarfed down that remaining half of cherry pie, fucking lard ass. So don’t even consider trying to fit in that 2 piece bathing-suit you ordered online from Victoria Secret. Victoria’s got a secret, let me tell you, your prosciutto legs aren’t fitting in that bikini bottom -.- , AND! Nobody reads what you write cause they don’t give a fuck! *cries* The truth is, you are most likely going to eat some chocolate covered almonds like the true hossalofalous you are, go look at yourself in the mirror, get depressed, and then take a shower while you cry,aggressively brushing through your tangled rats nest you call hair and spraying conditioner everywhere in the shower. Like fucking Mickey Mouse in Fantasia. This is what you usually do. You tend to believe showering will wash away all your problems. Well guess what! It WON’T !

This is me giving me a dose of reality since I’ve been living in LALA Land lately. I don’t even know where I sleep any more. My room looks like a pig STY! Bed? What bed? I can’t even call ‘it’ a bed! I’m not a messy person at all! This is how I know something’s wrong! Come on Jenn! Get your act together! You are starting to look and smell like a cave woman! Speaking of smell…..what the fuck is that? Oh, It’s my dog. I haven’t gotten around to bathing that hairy mutt all summer. I’ve basically relied on the rain to do that for me which, surprisingly made it worse?

I’m a barbarian! Hopeless. GAH