Feeling Truly Alone For The First Time – Off My Chest

I’ve been alive for exactly 30 years and 6 months…If there is one thing I have learnt in my time on earth, females friends are the absolute WORSE. This is my personal opinion based solely off experience.. every experience.

Now, let me make a few things clear.. there are exceptions.. as to anything. This is my personal opinion based solely off experience.. every experience.

But right now… I am extremely hurt and feel absolutely alone. Never in my life would I picture being friendless and rejected…It REALLY eats at you and makes you question your worth and if there is something wrong with you.

I have always considered myself to be a friendly and social person. People tend to feel comfortable around me and open up to me with ease and trust me immediately. I never has issues making friends. I just found it harder to make female friends since I don’t have a lot in common with most women. I tend to avoid drama, backstabbing, and fakes in general..However, once you are my friend, I will never EVER turn my back on you, hurt you, or make you feel less about yourself. Unfortunately, even if you treat me like absolute shit for no god damn reason, or kick me to the curb once you are done using me, I will still be there, trying to figure out why and if I did something wrong to cause you to treat me this way. Pathetic? Sure.. Loyal? 100%..

Recently over the years, I have started to notice significant changes in the people who are considered my “friends”..

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have lived outside of my home province for about 3 years. Recently, I moved back in November of 2019. Lets call these the golden days, pre-Covid-19. One of the major reasons I moved back home was because I felt super lonely in Alberta. Sure, I had my significant other but that wasn’t enough. I missed my family, my friends, my memories I had from Ontario. I did not feel complete. I wanted to be able to see my friends and hug them, make memories with them, not just speak to them over text or phone call.(Although I will explain how that was not the case entirely because I still made a huge effort to be involved in my friends lives). I hated being so far away when things went downhill..like a parent being ill and you feeling useless from afar. So, just before Christmas, I made my permanent return to a place I thought I had it all… good friends and my family. What a JOKE that was.

It has been almost a year since I have returned and I have seen my “friends” ONCE. Just once. I still don’t believe it was even intentional verses one of my other friends didn’t want be alone with me. It breaks my heart to even talk about this, but it has left me feeling like a complete reject for no reason.

I have this group of girl friends that I use to work with. A group of four including myself. We saw each other all the time at work, and spoke often and made plans outside of work. If it wasn’t all together, it was one on one. But I was always invited and I felt wanted. These girls were there for me during the hardest times in my life. when I lost the most important person in my life.. my grandmother. They also banned together and left the place we all worked and met at because I was let go for no reason. (The reason being I was promised a certain position and raise before corporate took over. Once they did, they were hiring and promoting their own people so they had no choice but to let me go- shit right?) For that, I am forever grateful and will love you forever and always. We were a power team and it felt like nothing could ruin that. Until now.. but why?

During my three years away I made a conscious effort to see my friends every time I visited home (which was often) even if I was only there for 3 days. I also went to Italy with one of the girls for a week. When we went on our annual cottage getaways, I made sure I was there to keep the tradition alive… mainly cause it means the world to me. To have that and share that with people you care about. The point is, even though I was 3 provinces away and lived with my partner… my friends always mattered. It wasn’t until the last cottage getaway we had that I felt unwanted.. felt like a burden.. and I didn’t receive any excitement or attention to the fact I was making an effort to be there. I was not expecting a red fucking carpet or fireworks… but a simple, “hey! I heard you are joining us! awesome! can’t wait” or a “glad to hear you are coming with us. See you soon!”… nothing.. I got literally… nothing…

I spoke to the friend I went to Italy with often.. the other ones always seemed  busy and one in particular NEVER fucking responded to my text messages when I tried to reach out. Let me also say that this one in particular was my friend first in the group of girls. We met first, hit it off first, and talked/hung out all the time. But just like that.. out of no where.. how I was or what I was up too didn’t seem to matter anymore. Her excuse when I would call her out on not answering me was ” Sorry… I get distracted easily.. like a squirrel”.. yet.. she always reaches out to the other two girls in the group and sees them often. I started to feel like she genuinely didn’t want to speak to me and targeted me personally. I also feel like she has become the group ringleader… I could explain why I feel that way.. but I think my examples will speak for themselves.

Anyways, the response I got when one reached out was more along the lines of annoyed. The one who reached out was the ringleader. It wasn’t to say “Hi, glad you are coming”.. It was “Hi, I am making a shopping list for the cottage. What do you want?”..At the time, I was just given diet restrictions from my Naturopathic Doctor.. which I take very seriously. So I was treated more like a pain in the ass and problematic because I had to be careful what I consumed. However! The years prior, one of the girls decided to go vegan out of no where two days before we were heading up because she watched a PETA video on youtube (that did not last long btw) ..and we were bringing up  meat for burgers and hot dogs that year .shopping was also done already….The year after, the friend I went to Italy with also has a list of dietary restrictions because she too, sees the same Naturopath Doctor. But let me tell you, there was never any snide remarks or comments made towards them.. not once. When it’s me though.. my GOD I am just the worst person to have around because I can’t eat nightshade vegetables, meat, and gluten! Hypocrites I tell you…and of course… the one making the BIGGEST stink about it, is the ringleader.. and when she starts on me.. they all start on me.

So, back to what fueled my fire to write this post..the Friday that just passed.

Since Covid-19 took over our lives, it has been very difficult to know if it safe or not to see people who do not live with us or who are family. However, the friend I went to Italy with I had been in contact with via text a few times. I mean, if she responded that was. I felt lately that I was reaching out to say hi and check on her.. but she wasn’t interested in replying or engaging in conversation. We spoke once in May over whatsapp video call. We spoke mostly about her at home working conditions, Covid-19, and things that related to her like her weight loss goals. not much about me was said or questioned.. Just that I was out of work because the clinic was shut down. At the end of the conversation, I had put it out there that if she ever wanted me to come over, we could go for walks if she was interested or even chat in the driveway at a distance. She said sure, that sounds good. Never once did she reach out…I texted her a few times and got no reply back… or she would respond once and then stop. I wont sit here and say it doesn’t hurt.. it eats at you… why don’t my friends want to see me anymore? I mean, I make such an effort to show them they matter and I appreciate their friendship. The feeling/energy is not reciprocated.

Finally on another attempt, I sent her a link of a trip to Portugal that looked interesting. I just sent the link.. nothing more. She responded with, you want to go there? and I said, yeah, would you? She asked a couple of questions and then followed with she wasn’t really interested in Portugal because she doesn’t know much about their history. Fair enough. I said I was open to suggestions and she responded with not knowing when it would be safe to travel again, but we could start to look into it for when we can. Meaning, she might still be interested in traveling with me..a glimpse of hope. She then asks when I work (I am back to work btw since June 1st) and when I would be free to get together. I told her my schedule and she inquired about Friday or the next Friday. This Friday worked so we settled on that. From my understanding it was a get together between the two of us.

On Friday afternoon she texts me to ask whats the plan for the day and then follows it with another text saying ” I asked (ringleader) if she wants to come” …okay?… Like I don’t have a problem with her being there.. but she also hasn’t said boo to me since I’ve been back to Ontario…

When this pandemic started, I reached out to the group of girls individually. Just saying something like ” hey, just reaching out to make sure you and your families are okay and staying safe and healthy.” Italy friend responded, ring leader ignored my phone call and text message, girl who recently got married who no one has really seen since apparently, she it always busy.. responded but only to say “thanks, we are okay”,(we being her and her husband obviously).. there was no “how are you doing?”..  or “haven’t seen you since you moved back.. hope you are well too”….Whoa..just … whoa…wait until I explain the absolute HYPOCRISY when it comes to this recently married friend..It is coming, oh is it coming.

So me and Italy (that is what I will call her for privacy sake) are texting and she says to me. “(ringleader) wants to order sushi from (certain place she always goes to), you in”….do I have a choice? If I said no… I would be ostracized. “Sure” I say.. and then we decide on a time…I am happy to FINALLY see Ringerleader.. but also nervous because I feel at this point.. she is only coming because Italy doesn’t want to be alone with me..but I also take it as an opportunity to voice my concern of feeling avoided in person which is what I most want.. to clear the air.

Before you think that this is ALL in my head.. that I am being super sensitive and emotional.. you are probably not entirely wrong. Am I an over thinker? Yes. Am I more emotional/sensitive and in tune with my feelings and vibes I pick up from others? 100%.. However… this is why rather then assuming and making my own speculations about the situation, I like to approach things head on and ask.. just ask. You wont know unless you fucking ASK.

The evening rolls around and I am headed off to Italy’s house. Nervous, but happy to just be seeing my “friends” after so long. I arrive and she is on the phone with Ringleader who is trying to figure out the food order before she calls the restaurant. When she is finally off the phone, I can’t help but smile and try and read her body language.. would she be open to a hug? I haven’t hugged another person since this whole pandemic shit hit the fan… I long for a friendly hug. She smiles and opens her arms. I immediately place myself into her arms. I missed her… the thought that she might not feel the same vanishes.. I feel a sense of  normalcy once again. We start to head to her backyard where we will be setting up to hang out and eat. As we are chatting I ask if this is the first time she will see Ringleader too (since covid-19… I know she has seen her for sure post Covid). Her response stops me dead in my tracks. ” No, this will be my third time”..I can’t help but say “wow”.. and she looks at me funny… I mean… in all honesty.. I was taken back because she barely spoke to me let alone answered my text messages and advances to get together for walks. I can feel my mood shift instantly.. But, I pull myself together in my head and move forward.

Once we are settled and in conversation, she starts to complain again about her not being physically active enough, not meeting her weight loss goals, etc… I feel it coming.. the comment I want to make.. So, I say it..” hey, I remember putting it out there if you ever wanted to get together and go for walks or doing something active outdoors”.. her response. was no response.. *blink blink*.. “so anyways”.. and she deflected.. Okay…I mean.. you could of addressed it in some sort of way…anything would of been better.

I kind of felt a little turn in my chest where my heart lives… like a little pain that told me…”maybe you are not overthinking this…maybe it is true…”

Phone rings… it is the Ringleader..

Enter the Ringleader

She arrives, we all greet each other.. her first words to me after not seeing me since our last cottage outing in June 2019 (when she was already acting weird) is…”holy you are tanned”… yes.. I am very tanned.. once tends to get stupid tanned when they spend most of their time outdoors walking for miles and miles a day to avoid being at home during a pandemic. We also hugged… it wasn’t our usual long embraces we use to have.. I even felt her pull away and do that little “there there” tap on my back as if to signal “okay, that’s enough”.. I felt that.

While we are eating, Ringleader is chatting about her current life back at work since the reopening. She talks for a good 30-40 mins and when she finishes. She stares at Italy. Italy pipes in and says, “who is next to catch up”..I respond with “you can go next!” She then says, “well, I feel like me and ringleader have seen each other and caught up already, you both have no spoken and seen each other since forever”. I kind of nervously make a “hah” noise.. mainly because … she never gave an actual FUCK to ask me ever since I got back.. she never responded to any of my messages or phone calls.. why would I waste my breath?..

No word of a lie..I look in her direction.. see her facial expression which was like ..

Annoyed GIFs | Tenor

So I said ” Well.. I moved back in November… Covid-19… I am working”…

………….

Ringleaders response “cool”..pulls out her cell phone and checks it… Italy’s response “well that was short and sweet”…My stomach dropped..I was right.

The conversation then picked up about Italy’s work.. back to Ringleaders work.. making fun of me and making me feel like an outcast based on my health conditions…and then on to the attack of recently married girl. Apparently recently married girl is moving 9 hours North with her husband.. I didn’t know this obviously cause no one says shit to me. Italy found out from a Facebook post (I don’t have facebook.. or any social media for that matter).. and no shocker.. Ringleader knew because recently married girl reached out to her (but only because she wanted something.. not to just tell her shes moving).. SO the shit talking started.

“She is always busy, she never has time, she only reaches out when she needs something, the last few times we went up north with her were not enjoyable because she was high or drunk all the time” blah blah blah blah blah… Yet… They always talk to her… involve her in their plans, want her around… make a fucking conscious effort to check on her and see how she is doing!!

Italy had the acidity to say ” I don’t have the energy anymore to put all my time into reaching out to someone who always says no or only talks to me when they want something”..umm… You literally ignore my messages.. even when they are all just to see how you are doing.. Ringleader then makes a point to say ” I message her all the time to see how she is doing”… Thanks… openly admit you fucking respond to people on your phone and actively reach out to people.. just not me.

I sat there listening to this… and while there was a tiny window of silence.. I slipped in.. Well, I am glad you guys are up to date on everything.. feels like I am completely out of the loop and no one informs me of anything anymore.

THE FUCKING LOOK THESE TWO GAVE EACH OTHER… then deflected the conversation! Okay… there is no way I am overthinking this… I am literally fucking expressing how no one talks to me and they just ignore it. Yet, they are both sitting there talking about how recently married girl isn’t the greatest friend… hello? I would pay a lot of money on plane tickets to be with these people when I lived thousands of miles away.. and this recently married girl lives in the same province.. same city.. and never sees them. What.The.HELL.

By this point… I am deflated.. I am trying not to cry… or just get up and leave… mainly because most of the conversation is about me and not in a good way.. just bringing up embarrassing things that happen to me when we worked together.. or when Italy and I traveled together. I just sat there laughing at it.. even though inside it really hurt…

Let me tell you what Ringleader was interested to hear about my life. In the most rude, crude, sarcastic and deeming way says “are you still with, what’s that thing? what’s his face? that person?”…YOU MEAN MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND I’VE BEEN WITH FOR 6 YEARS THAT YOU CLEARLY KNOW SINCE HE WORKED WITH US WHERE WE ALL MET! YOU EVEN HUNG OUT WITH HIM ONE ON ONE! THAT ONE?

My jaw dropped and I immediately glanced at Italy… even her face was like.. wow.. and she said “oooohhhh” as If I was dissed..Did I forget to mention that these women are older than me? I am 30 and they are 5 and 9 years older…it’s sad people act like this… While I know Ringleader isn’t the biggest fan of my bf.. she doesn’t need to act like a child.

Italy and I prior to the Ringleaders arrival were talking about the cottage and how there was opening in September. How we both wanted to all go. When mentioned in front of the Ringleader. she simply glanced over at Italy, and proceeded to explain how someone she knows that is a medical doctor said there will be another lock down in September. Italy never spoke about it or gave her two sense. That was the end of that conversation. I could not help but feel like… Ringleader didn’t want to converse about the cottage because she didn’t want me going.. the lock down stuff was a planted excuse… our cottage has been open the entire time and accepting their regulars.

All this aside.. Ringleader went home first… me and Italy took a small walk around the block with her dog before going our separate ways. She could obviously tell I was quieter than usual. I am someone who is always happy, laughing and full of what they call “puppy energy”.. Of course, she never addressed it.. I left that night driving home crying to my boyfriend on the phone.. I felt so stupid.. why was I even invited over? To be put in my place? For me to see that they in fact, are trying to push me away… why not just tell me I did something to upset you if that was the case…

On Saturday, the cottage resort owner contacted me since I had put a week on hold for July while I tried to see if my family wanted to go. It was my grandmothers birthday week and I thought it would be nice for all of us to be there in her memory..I was her favorite place to go since before I was born.. she passed away in 2016. The girls and I have been going there since as our annual getaway tradition. He wanted to know if I was still interested. Sadly, I had to decline since no one wanted to go..I could not afford to rent a week all on my own..

While I had him on the phone, I decided to inquire about a weekend in September. They had an opening and I asked him to put us down. I then texted Italy and told her the only dates that were available in September and that I asked for it to be put on hold for us….No response.. 26 hours later.. I text her again .. “thoughts?”.. she responds 2 hours later with “you heard what(Ringleader) said. With there being another lock down, I can’t commit to anything”.. that was it.. after ignoring my first message.. just uses that as a reason. Okay. I hear you loud and clear.

I cried a lot yesterday… being 30.. living back at home for nothing.. in the middle of a pandemic.. with my boyfriend who is in another province.. for friends and family I thought  I had.. The kicker? All I did was move back… am I offending people by being here? Being alive?..

If you were to ask me 5 years ago if I thought I would ever like this at 30.. my answer would be no.. I got a great support system and I am grateful for what I have.

2020 has been many things.. but a rude awakening is one for sure..

INTO THE BLACK- CHROMATICS (2012)

Lyrics

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My, my
Hey, hey
Rock and Roll
Is here to stay
It’s better to burn out
Than to fade away

My, my
Hey, hey
Out of the blue
Into the black
They give you this
But you pay for that
Once you’re gone
You can never come back
When you’re
Out of the blue
Into the black

The King is gone
But he’s not forgotten
This is the story of Johnny Rotten
It’s better to burn out than it is to rust
The King is gone but he’s not forgotten

Hey, hey
My, my
Rock and Roll
Can never die
There’s more to the picture
Than meets the eye
Hey, hey
My, my

My Trip To Italy

Being Italian and all, I had to visit my land! I traveled back in September 2018 for a week. It was something that was on my bucket list for the longest time that I was finally able to achieve.

The trip consisted of visiting three major cities Rome, Florence, and Venice. With small visits to Assisi, Siena, Bologna, Padua, and Montepulcino. I traveled with a friend that I wouldn’t say I am close with, nor an acquaintance. We use to work together as massage therapists in a clinic back in 2015. We keep in touch an hang out with some of the other girls we worked with at the clinic. I guess we also went as a group to the cottage two times back in 2016 and 2017. I had a pretty good sense of who she is out of work so I randomly said to her one day “we should travel to Italy together”.. she agreed with my proposal.

Two months after our discussion, the trip was booked. We decided that it would be best to fly to Italy together, so I got another plane home for the day before we were scheduled to leave Canada. This is it, my dreams are coming true, I am going to ITALY!

Here are some photos I thought I would share from my trip. There was literally thousands but I won’t torture you 🙂

Basilica of Saint Francis of Assisi

Views from Assisi

In the Piazza of Siena

Piazza Del Campo

Siena Duomo

Views from Piazzale Di Michelangelo Firenze

Statute of David

Arno River, Florence

Duomo and Santa Croce

Eating gelato ❤️

Last night in Rome 😦

Bologna

Piazza Bologna

Gondola Rides in Venice

Venice by night St. Mark’s Square (Piazza San Marco) Basilica di San Marco behind us

First Gonadal ride ❤

Views in Montepulciano (Tuscany)

Duomo Basilica de San Pedro

St. Peter’s Basilica

St. Peter’s Basilica – Rome

Ruins in Rome

Colosseum- Rome

Piazza di Spagna – Spanish Steps

Trevi Fountain

Trevi Fountain

Lotta Love – Nicolette Larson (1978)

Lyrics

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It’s gonna take a lotta love
To change the way things are
It’s gonna take a lotta love
Or we won’t get too far

So if you look in my direction
And we don’t see eye to eye
My heart needs protection
And so do I

It’s gonna take a lotta love
To get us through the night
It’s gonna take a lotta love
To make things work out right

So if you are out there waiting
I hope you show up soon
You know
I need relating not solitude

Gotta lotta love
Gotta lotta love

It’s gonna take a lotta love
To change the way things are
It’s gonna take a lotta love
Or we won`t get too far

It’s gonna take a lotta love
It’s gonna take a lotta love

*Skip to 1:07 if you want to get straight to the point. Otherwise, enjoy a great tune with feel good lyrics 🙂

Jenna

I’d Really Love To See You Tonight -England Dan& John Ford Coley (1976)

Lyrics

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Hello, yeah it’s been awhile
Not much, how ’bout you
I’m not sure why I’d called
I guess I really just wanted
To talk to you

I was thinking maybe later on
We could get together for a while
It’s been such a long time
And I really do miss your smile

I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in
And I don’t want to change your life
But there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around
And I’d really love to see you tonight

We could go walkin’ through a windy park
Take a drive along the beach
Or stay at home and watch TV
I see it really doesn’t matter much to me

I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in
And I don’t want to change your life
But there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around
And I’d really love to see you tonight

I won’t ask for promises
So you don’t have to lie
We both played the game before
Say I love you then say goodbye

I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in
And I don’t want to change your life
But there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around
And I’d really love to see you tonight

I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in
And I don’t want to change your life
But there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around
And I’d really love to see you tonight

I’m not talking ’bout movin’ in
And I don’t want to change your life
But there’s a warm wind blowin’ the stars around
And I’d really love to see you tonight

 

Enjoy this song! ❤

Jenna

The Dark of You – Breaking Benjamin (2018)

Lyrics

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It must have been inside my head
I lost the hope that I have left
And now at last it comes to pass
We sleep, we dream, we have no less
Along the path we lost our way
It’s all a game that I must play
And now the weak that fall
Return to ash, defeated after all

Fade away to the wicked world we left
And I become the dark of you
Say a prayer for the wounded heart within
As I become the dark of you

Let go
When all has come to life
We live, we breathe, we die
They call me to the light
Forever lost in time
With every dream we find
We feed, we burn, we lie
The fall of humankind
The everlasting light

Fade away to the wicked world we left
And I become the dark of you
Say a prayer for the wounded heart within
As I become the dark of you

Let go
When all has come to life
We live, we breathe, we die
They call me to the light
Forever lost in time
With every dream we find
We feed, we burn, we lie
The fall of humankind
The everlasting light

Fade away to the wicked world we left
And I become the dark of you
Say a prayer for the wounded heart within
As I become the dark of you

Let go
Save this selfish world
Save this selfish world
Let go
Save this selfish world
Save this selfish world

I Can’t Tell You Why – Eagles (1979)

Words cannot explain how much the Eagles mean to me. Their music has gotten me through so much over the past few years. If you ever want a trip down memory lane (for those of you who lived it) just listen to some of their hit tracks. I have honestly have too many “THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG” from the Eagles.. But I am just feeling this one today in particular 🙂 Also, the video is of them live which is always a treat to watch.

Enjoy! ❤

Lyrics

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Look at us baby, up all night
Tearing our love apart
Aren’t we the same two people who live
Through years in the dark?
Ahh
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can’t tell you why
When we get crazy
It just ain’t to right (try to keep you head little girl)
Girl I get lonely too
You don’t have to worry
Just hold on tight (don’t get caught in your little world)
Cause I love you
Nothing’s wrong as far as I can see
We make it harder than it has to be
And I can’t tell you why
No, baby, I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can’t tell you why
No, no, baby, I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why
I can’t tell you why

Sister Golden Hair – America (1975)

Happy Family day to those who are celebrating today 🙂 Here is another great tune tune!

Enjoy! ❤

Lyrics

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Well I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damn depressed
That I set my sights on Monday and I got myself undressed
I ain’t ready for the altar but I do agree there’s times
When a woman sure can be a friend of mine
Well, I keep on thinkin’ ’bout you, sister golden hair surprise
And I just can’t live without you, can’t you see it in my eyes?
I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn’t mean you ain’t been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don’t mind sayin’, I just can’t make it
Well, I keep on thinkin’ ’bout you, sister golden hair surprise
And I just can’t live without you, can’t you see it in my eyes?
Now I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn’t mean you ain’t been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don’t mind sayin’, I just can’t make it
Doo wop doo wop

How Much I Feel- Ambrosia (1978)

After my post yesterday, I got super excited about sharing music! I have spent the start of my morning this Sunday cleaning and listening to music. Music makes cleaning so much more enjoyable! Until you hit a song that makes you sweep and weep at the same time! SWEEP AND WEEP! … and we are off to a great start. 😀

Enjoy ❤

Lyrics

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I don’t know how this whole business started
Of you thinkin’ that I have been untrue
But if you think that we’d be better parted
It’s gonna hurt me, but I’ll break away from you
Well, just give me the sign and I will be gone, yeah
feel for you, baby
(How much I need) well I need your touch
(How much I live) I live for your loving
That’s how much (that’s how much)
That’s how much, that’s how much
I sleep alone, and late at night I’m dreamin’
Of the togetherness that seems to be leaving me
I’d give it all and then I’d give some more
If you would only love me like you had before
Well, take hold of my hand and all will be forgiven, yeah
feel for you, baby
(How much I need) I need your touch
(How much I live) I live for your loving
(That’s how much) that’s how much
That’s how much, that’s how much
So you try (try), try to stay in the middle
And then you cry (cry), well you cry just a little
Then you both realize
Just how foolish you’ve been
And you try to make amends
But you’re better off as friends
‘Cause that’s how much (that’s how much)
That’s how much, that’s how much
How’s your life been goin’ on?
I’ve got a wife now, years we’ve been goin’ strong
Oh, no, there’s just something that I’ve got to say
Sometimes when we make love
I still can see your face
Ooh, just try to recall
When we were as one, yeah
feel for you, baby
(How much I need) I need your touch
(How much I live) I live for your loving
That’s how much

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day <3 – Inspired Post

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

It’s that time of year again where all the storefronts are covered in red balloons, stuffed animals, heart-shaped chocolates, and of course, cards!

I have never been that person who really cared about Valentine’s day. To be completely honest, the only good thing about it is the next few days after it. DISCOUNT CHOCOLATE FTW 😀

Being in a relationship or not never really changed the way I felt about February 14th. But if I was, the “boyfriend” is usually more gung-ho about it then me. I feel like I get more bothered by the person not saying the words “Happy Valentine’s Day” versus choosing not to physically celebrate it. Does that make any sense? I mean, don’t waste your money on things that are only going to make me fat like chocolates or huge dinners.  Let’s invest money to go on a trip instead of wasting it on jewelry that I will never wear.  A card is fine if you simply MUST spend money. But only if you write in it. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT just hand me a card written by Hallmark. I do have standards.

Personally, it’s always been the thought that counts and thoughts usually do not require money. There are so many cheap.. if not free, calorie friendly, less IN YOUR FACE things that are enjoyable to do for V-Day 🙂

Here are some ideas of things to do on V-Day but, are not exclusive to only V-Day of course:

Going for a walk or skating

Depending on where you live of course.. I live in the North Pole so this might not be the best idea…You could always go outdoor ice skating  if you are not sensitive to the cold. There is such a thing as free indoor community skating rinks too! If you are going for a walk, go somewhere romantic or special. I love nature, so walks in forest or in a creek always make me happy. Go somewhere with different scenery, fresh air, perhaps a place where you can see a really pretty view of the cityscape.

Cook/bake together

Obviously if you do not have things readily at home for you to use, you could go shopping for them. But then that could be just as expensive as going out for dinner (unless it’s McDonald’s run). I almost paid $11 for 4 avocados the other day….WHAT?!

Play video/board games together

This seems self explanatory, but I will elaborate in case. If you and your significant other enjoy video games, find games you are BOTH interested in that are 2 player (unless you like turn based games). Have a drink or make a drinking game out of it (if you drink that is). I elaborated on video games only since I don’t think you can play board games by yourself.. can you? I don’t know, who am I to judge.

Watch a movie

But not just any movie. Your favourite movie(s), or the first movie you two every watched together. Maybe your first date was at a theater! You could re-watch that film you saw and reminisce. Maybe find a movie you’ve both been wanting to see but haven’t had the time for. Or you could always watch a lovely dovey movie if that’s what floats your boat. Make some snacks and curl up on the couch or an air mattress.  Bada-bing-bada-boom. Well, that was ultra Italian of me :/ .. Not sure were that came from but okay.

Give each other massages

You read that right. Light a few candles, put on some ambiance music, and lather each other with oil. It doesn’t need to be a Grade A massage, touch is therapeutic by nature so it’s super relaxing and is a really good way to connect. Plus, it could always lead to fun stuff. But I’m PG *eyeroll* ..So lets keep it moving shall we!

Whatever the above idea leads too..

No description needed…bow chicka bow wow… super unnecessary. Sorry not sorry.

SAYING HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

Yes, actually saying the damn fucking words can be something you do if not anything else. You have NO idea how much of a PISS OFF it is to just pretend you are not annoyed all damn day because you never got told “Happy Valentine’s Day!” for 3 fucking years in a ROW until you finally explode with rage…This is not coming from a place of anger at all. Nah, not at all. Ahem.

That being said…

What are your favourite things to do today or what are things you would love to be surprised with? I would love to know!

Hope you all have a great day today!

Love,

Jenna