Bikini Mayhem

funny-dog-bikini

Okay, so. After the long and hard process of picking a bathing suit, I’ve come to a decision. I bought the pink and white one (don’t freak out) and the black one with the straps. (The non-hookerish one Paul). The funniest thing I have heard all day was Chewbaccaboobs ahem *Thanks to Navigator :)* But taking Heroponluigi’s advice, I went with the two I liked the most. I want to be different! Whether it’s bad or good! I only paid $23.00 CAD for them both. What a DEAL! *COUGH-Cheap-ass* BUT! But but BUTT! You can never have TOO many bathing suits so, I decided to also buy 2 classic bikinis. *In case they looks gawd awful* I went with black because it doesn’t make me look so much like a lard ass

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What are your thoughts on these two?

I paid $34.67 CAD for both of these! WHAT! DEAL DEAL!

This is the last post on bathing suits I swear. Is this considered soft core porn?

Ps. Still don’t look like those models in the bathing suits. *sob – eats chocolate covered almond*

Reality Check

Listen bitch, your going to the Dominicans in October so stop inhaling Philly’s chocolate cream-cheese spread like it’s air! Your lazy ass still works in that place you wish would spontaneously combust. Fix it! You most likely just gained 4.5 pounds in the last hour because you decided to scarfed down that remaining half of cherry pie, fucking lard ass. So don’t even consider trying to fit in that 2 piece bathing-suit you ordered online from Victoria Secret. Victoria’s got a secret, let me tell you, your prosciutto legs aren’t fitting in that bikini bottom -.- , AND! Nobody reads what you write cause they don’t give a fuck! *cries* The truth is, you are most likely going to eat some chocolate covered almonds like the true hossalofalous you are, go look at yourself in the mirror, get depressed, and then take a shower while you cry,aggressively brushing through your tangled rats nest you call hair and spraying conditioner everywhere in the shower. Like fucking Mickey Mouse in Fantasia. This is what you usually do. You tend to believe showering will wash away all your problems. Well guess what! It WON’T !

This is me giving me a dose of reality since I’ve been living in LALA Land lately. I don’t even know where I sleep any more. My room looks like a pig STY! Bed? What bed? I can’t even call ‘it’ a bed! I’m not a messy person at all! This is how I know something’s wrong! Come on Jenn! Get your act together! You are starting to look and smell like a cave woman! Speaking of smell…..what the fuck is that? Oh, It’s my dog. I haven’t gotten around to bathing that hairy mutt all summer. I’ve basically relied on the rain to do that for me which, surprisingly made it worse?

I’m a barbarian! Hopeless. GAH