5..4..3..2..1..Go

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So I did a thing recently.. something I never thought I could do. I purposely forced myself out of my comfort zone. What did I do you ask? I went live. What does that mean? I streamed. Who the beep cares? ME! I CARE! Because the old me would never have done something that terrifies her!

You might be thinking something along the lines of, “What is so scary about streaming? Literally everyone and their pet dog does it daily”.. While this may be true, I have stated before that I have a crippling fear of being judged and ridiculed. So, me pressing that “Go Live” button really shocked me. Now, I didn’t do anything mind blowing like using a webcam.. baby steps.. But I spoke on mic while I played a video game of my choice for a full hour and thirty-ish minutes. I even had 2-3 people chatting with me and one person even sent me a “raid” of 5 people. If you don’t know what a raid is, kudos to you. A raid is when a streamer sends their viewers from their stream to your stream. I think I explained that right. This is nothing to write home about but it was honestly exhilarating for me. No one (as of yet) insulted my voice that I absolutely hate. No one said (yet) that I am terrible at gaming… I am still too much of a scaredy cat to even turn on the webcam..maybe that will be my next step.

That first time was daunting. I remember my heart beating so fast I could hear it. My hands were shaking and sweaty. All I could think to myself were excuses NOT to do it… But, I found myself counting from 5-1 and then closing my eyes while I clicked the button..That’s it.. I was live. It’s not like there was no going back from that.. I could of just as easily pressed the stop button and ended the “stream”.. but I didn’t. From there, I got my first viewer.. my heart was racing.. I couldn’t find words to say.. I sat there silently just playing the game. Then my second viewer showed up but didn’t stick around.. 15 minutes into the streams the person who had been there started to talk to me..so I started to respond. Soon, there was 3 viewers off and on.. they started to stick around longer. Another person started to talk. I was now an hour and fifteen minutes in. 10 minutes before I finished streaming, I received my very first raid. I was so grateful and so nervous..mainly because now, I felt as if I was responsible to entertain these 5 people who were just watching someone with experience. I ended my stream shortly after, thanked the people who stuck around and went offline.. My mind raced for hours after that and I just wanted to delete the one thing I finally accomplished… speaking to the public.. online.

Since then I have streamed 4 more times. I have 6 followers which might seem like nothing, but they are 6 people who found me entertaining (I think).. My goal is to become affiliate but there is so much discouragement in process of that.. like getting 50 followers, having at least a minimum of 3 people stick around for the next 30 days..It’s easy to stream.. just building an audience is the hard part.. let alone a following.

However, minus looking at the negatives, I am trying to look at the positives. I am trying to build a backbone here. I am trying to get over my fear of public speaking and judgment while being 100% me…

I, for one, think that is something to be proud about.

“Do one thing everyday that scares you” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Have a good day everyone.

Love Jenna ❤

Happy Valentine’s Day <3 – Inspired Post

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

It’s that time of year again where all the storefronts are covered in red balloons, stuffed animals, heart-shaped chocolates, and of course, cards!

I have never been that person who really cared about Valentine’s day. To be completely honest, the only good thing about it is the next few days after it. DISCOUNT CHOCOLATE FTW 😀

Being in a relationship or not never really changed the way I felt about February 14th. But if I was, the “boyfriend” is usually more gung-ho about it then me. I feel like I get more bothered by the person not saying the words “Happy Valentine’s Day” versus choosing not to physically celebrate it. Does that make any sense? I mean, don’t waste your money on things that are only going to make me fat like chocolates or huge dinners.  Let’s invest money to go on a trip instead of wasting it on jewelry that I will never wear.  A card is fine if you simply MUST spend money. But only if you write in it. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT just hand me a card written by Hallmark. I do have standards.

Personally, it’s always been the thought that counts and thoughts usually do not require money. There are so many cheap.. if not free, calorie friendly, less IN YOUR FACE things that are enjoyable to do for V-Day 🙂

Here are some ideas of things to do on V-Day but, are not exclusive to only V-Day of course:

Going for a walk or skating

Depending on where you live of course.. I live in the North Pole so this might not be the best idea…You could always go outdoor ice skating  if you are not sensitive to the cold. There is such a thing as free indoor community skating rinks too! If you are going for a walk, go somewhere romantic or special. I love nature, so walks in forest or in a creek always make me happy. Go somewhere with different scenery, fresh air, perhaps a place where you can see a really pretty view of the cityscape.

Cook/bake together

Obviously if you do not have things readily at home for you to use, you could go shopping for them. But then that could be just as expensive as going out for dinner (unless it’s McDonald’s run). I almost paid $11 for 4 avocados the other day….WHAT?!

Play video/board games together

This seems self explanatory, but I will elaborate in case. If you and your significant other enjoy video games, find games you are BOTH interested in that are 2 player (unless you like turn based games). Have a drink or make a drinking game out of it (if you drink that is). I elaborated on video games only since I don’t think you can play board games by yourself.. can you? I don’t know, who am I to judge.

Watch a movie

But not just any movie. Your favourite movie(s), or the first movie you two every watched together. Maybe your first date was at a theater! You could re-watch that film you saw and reminisce. Maybe find a movie you’ve both been wanting to see but haven’t had the time for. Or you could always watch a lovely dovey movie if that’s what floats your boat. Make some snacks and curl up on the couch or an air mattress.  Bada-bing-bada-boom. Well, that was ultra Italian of me :/ .. Not sure were that came from but okay.

Give each other massages

You read that right. Light a few candles, put on some ambiance music, and lather each other with oil. It doesn’t need to be a Grade A massage, touch is therapeutic by nature so it’s super relaxing and is a really good way to connect. Plus, it could always lead to fun stuff. But I’m PG *eyeroll* ..So lets keep it moving shall we!

Whatever the above idea leads too..

No description needed…bow chicka bow wow… super unnecessary. Sorry not sorry.

SAYING HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

Yes, actually saying the damn fucking words can be something you do if not anything else. You have NO idea how much of a PISS OFF it is to just pretend you are not annoyed all damn day because you never got told “Happy Valentine’s Day!” for 3 fucking years in a ROW until you finally explode with rage…This is not coming from a place of anger at all. Nah, not at all. Ahem.

That being said…

What are your favourite things to do today or what are things you would love to be surprised with? I would love to know!

Hope you all have a great day today!

Love,

Jenna

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I Gotta Have It!

So the other day I was talking to my mom and she decided to poke fun at me about all my crazy “obsessions” growing up. Some of them I thought were pretty fun, others, just weird. Anyway’s! So I decided to make a post about all the things I was apparently “obsessed” with and HAD to have! These are in no particular order at all.

Tamagotchi’s

I was a major die hard junkie for these things! I remember having like 12 at one point all at the same time! If you don’t know what a Tamagotchi is, well then you aren’t cool enough. Basically, it is a needy two-bit animal-alien thing that in order to live and grow, needs to be fed, played with, giving it medication if it gets sick and cleaning it’s shit (literally)..Then they grow up and eventually die. Or you neglect them and they die anyway’s. Really gives a child the sense of responsibility. HA!  The best part about this obsession, I was like 6 or 7 years old and in school all day. Plus, these toys were banned from being in class. SO, my mommy had to take care of all 12 for me :). As she retold the story, one day 4 or 5 of them died because she was too “busy” to take care of them, and when I got home for school I freaked out and accused her of murder. Told her she was a horrible babysitter and I would never leave my children with her again! Oh Jenn HAHA! This faze died at the age of 9 I believe.

Gel Pens

I could NOT get enough of these things! I had boxes and pencil cases FULL of these magical pens!! From glitter, to neon, glow in the dark, pastel, you name it! I was that rainbow child that only wrote in colours. Really pissed off the teachers especially when I wrote with highlighter green or yellow, even attempted writing in white once. Oh the memories! I got a new package once a week! I would cry when one of them stopped working or explode (which happened a lot). There was a point where I couldn’t leave a store WITHOUT a package of gel pens. LOVED them. Still do 🙂

Love2Love Bears

You probably don’t know what the hell these toys are. If you do, I’ll be surprised! This was my other stupid “obsession” that mommy had to take care of. This small key-chain battery operated bear was useless to say the least. It’s soul purpose was that scented baby bottle attached to it. It contained the smell of a certain fruit depending on which colour bear you bought. The bear it’s self had only 2 functions. Make nurturing sounds when you shoved the baby bottle into the hole in it’s face, and his nose would light up like Rudolf the red-nose reindeer. Useless, but NEEDED to have all of them.

Sailor Moon

I needed to be picked up everyday for lunch in elementary school to get my Sailor Moon fix. It was like crack to me. I recorded all the episodes onto VHS tapes so I could re-watch them when it wasn’t on. I had all the character dolls and could re-enact all the episodes with them. Sad I know. Till this day I can still sing the entire theme song. Kill me now.

The Spice Girls

Yep, I was obsessed with them. My room was decked out in posters and spice girl bubble gum stickers. I owned every album and dragged my mom to see their movie in theatres. Also, I ended up watching the movie so much, the VHS tape broke…*sigh* My favourite one was Victoria spice until she turned into Christian Bale from the movie The Machinist.

Pokémon 

Gotta catch them all was right! I was and still am obsessed with Pokémon! Like sailor moon, I needed to watch all the episodes AFTER school, recorded them all on VHS, collected ALL the cards (still have them) owned all the video games (still play them) and even battled the cards in the hallways at school like a loser. I bought a pack of cards a day after school at the local smoke shop with my birthday/Christmas money. I can sing the entire theme song even now! Proudly 🙂

Waffle and Ice Cream Sandwichs

I would want this for breakfast EVERY morning! Actually, I NEEDED this for breakfast every morning! I would refuse to go to school unless I got my Vanilla ice cream and waffle sandwich! Who the hell wants toast and cereal when you can have this godly piece of art?!? Maybe that’s what I was bowling ball when I was younger :/..MEH!

Nintendo Magazines

I hoarded these magazines and still do. I own ALL the retro ones and sometimes like to skim through them for nostalgia. I would read them ALL the time. Even during reading period in school, I would pull 3 or 4 our of my desk to read. Sometimes I would hide them in my actual school books and read them during class or lectures. I unfortunately got caught one day and had them confiscated. Cried for 5 days and wrote a nasty letter to the teacher and principle demanding my life back. My <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>life</span> back? My god…Child logic.

National Geographic

I had and still have a membership with these guys. I have a bookshelf dedicated to these magazines. I started reading them at the age of 5. I also made a stink of owning my fathers older collection so I could have an “official” collection.  Before a bookshelf, I use to just stack them in the basement near the bar till one day they fell over and almost killed my cat. Death by leaning tower of National Geographic’s anyone?

Kevin Bacon

Okay, I don’t even know how to explain this one. The first movie I had watched him in was Apollo 13, fell madly in love with him, and became “obsessed”…After that movie, I saw Hallow man and I was sold. I wanted to marry this man, possibly bare his child. It was absolutely the funniest thing apparently to my family. My uncle one day while I was at his house just drooling over a DVD cover of Kevin Bacon on it, decided to taunt me and say “Bacon is for eating, not for loving”…*sigh* That “obsessive crush” lasted an entire year. Yikes!

The Sims

This is obviously pertaining to just the initial “The Sims” game. I had played a bootleg version of it one day at my neighbours house and I just HAD to have this game! Who doesn’t want to Simulate their own freaking life?! I want to build a house from scratch and destroy simulated lives for fun! This is all I talked about day and night! At home and at school! I NEEDED it! SO, I saved up money for months till I was able to purchase the game! I remember as if it was yesterday! I got it from Zellers! It costed me 50 something bucks but I was the happiest moron alive! I couldn’t wait to get home and load this bad boy! To my surprise though, when I tried to run and install the CD…NADA…I had failed to look at the operating system requirements to run the game. Windows 95 or higher. Dude, I was sporting a Windows 3.1 like a boss. There was no way this game was going to work. I must of cried from disappointment for like 2 weeks. Searching every possible way to try and make it work on a Windows 3.1..It never happened…a year later, we ended up getting a Windows 98. I also had purchased every single expansion pack in the meantime…Go big or go home.

Aloe Juice

I would pound down 2-3 bottles of these a day. My obsession with this beverage got to the point where I had milked the convenience store DRY! They were out of stock for 2 weeks at one point because of me. I HAD to have aloe juice with every lunch and dinner or I wouldn’t eat. Nuts, absolutely nuts

Popping Blackheads

I had/have a really big obsession with popping these things! Mine and other peoples! I have a horrible habit of scoping them out just about anywhere. You can bet your bottom dollar that if I am talking to you and spot one, chances are I’m dying to ask you to pop them or let me do it. It is SOOOO bad that I have gotten SLAPPED by friends for trying to pop their blackheads without their consent…. It’s sick, I know, I have problems, but I am NOT the only person out there like that. I know many!

Sum 41

When I was in grade 10 there was a point in my life where I could NOT sleep unless I had Sum 41 playing on my walkman (No, I did not own an mp3 player) I would have to put this particular CD on loop every…single…night….after listening to the other songs on different albums at least once. So basically, I had to listen to every Sum 41 song ever made to sleep. What the actual F***!

Disney Underwear

I own about 53 pairs of Disney underwear in total too date. Which of course, I’ve been told not wear any more.. *sad face* I have been told so many times that it is illegal to be with me since it can be considered as paedophilia. What!?!?! Can’t a grown woman not wear what she wants?!?! Besides, Victoria Secret is so yesterday 😛

Fire

So I was and still am a pyromaniac..Besides, the picture says it all! O00h and I love the smell of matches! Mmmmm

 Crossword and Word searches

There would be tons of newspapers with missing squares lying around everywhere! I would buy the newspapers, cut out the crosswords and word searches and then make a booklet out of them. Cause I’m cool like that. Couldn’t just buy an actual book right? *sigh* I would make sure I did 3-4 puzzles a day! It was a MUST. My parents oddly hated this obsession. It lasted 2 years.

Sunflower Seeds

This was the worst obsession/addiction EVER!! It was so unhealthy and messy! I can’t believe I didn’t contract hypertension from all the salt I would intake from these things! I would sit there and by the handful, suck all the salt off, spit them all out, and then proceed to eat them. Watching me do this was beyond disgusting and painful to watch. My mom would sit there and just bitch at me to stop instead of actually taking them away. “Jenn, look at the mess you’re making”… “you’re lips are bleeding”…”you are going to end up choking”..”why are you so repulsive?”… I swear I continued this “obsession” just to piss her off. I miss it.

Christmas

I have and will ALWAYS be OBSESSED with Christmas! My room looks like the North Pole when I am done decorating it. You can find me decked out in Santa hats and reindeer antlers. I’m usually pounding back eggnog and then throwing up because I cant drink milk or consume eggs. (Poison) I have Christmas music on ALL the time. All the radio stations are set to 98.1 CHFI because it’s 24 hours of non stop Christmas music! YAY!!! This can easy piss everyone off. I watch the Santa Clause Parade every year and make people watch it with me ( I hate being happy alone) plus, all those awesome movies and shows like Frosty the Snowman, Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, It’s a Wonder life etc…  and! I make sure the Christmas lights and tree are up in November. Obsessed? Nah!

Fishtail Braids

About a year and a half ago, I would do these EVERYDAY just because I wanted wavy pretty hair! I would wake up super early to shower and make them so by the time I had to leave for work, my hair would be dry and wavy when I took the braid out. I do this occasionally now because I am too freaking lazy. It is so worth it though! Pretty HAIR! 🙂

Estrella Damm Beer

New obsession since I came back from Europe is this beer. I cannot get enough of this liquid crack in a can. It is Godly too me. Thank you Spain, thank you.

There you have it. Now you know. I’m nuts. 🙂

 

The Last Of US vs. World War Z

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All I’m going to say to start this off with is WTF!

I don’t care nor believe in the idea of “Zombies”. It is way too overrated if you ask me. AHEM, *The Walking Dead/Plants vs Zombies* You can kill and eat my brain for all I care. You aren’t going to get much of a meal out of that. But sure, go ahead. These two though, are on whole other level of fucked up shit. I can’t help but swear like a sailor when I talk about these too forms of entertainment. It’s simple. Science, scares me. There are real studies and facts on this shit folks! Fear for your lives!

I love The Last of Us, I really do. I played the freaking game 2 times. But. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you that it didn’t scare the shit out of me. I would Google this shit for days! IS IT REAL? IS IT REAL?! CAN THIS HAPPEN?! Cordyceps?! Like 30 different strains! Come on! It’s a real Fungal disease that attacks the brain! Sure, it’s only been found in insects, mainly ants. SO!? All this makes me want to do is step on ants to prevent infection from spreading! Which means now, I’m a paranoid murderer! *cries* How many times did I get so caught up in the game that my brain would trick me into thinking I heard fucking Clickers in my own house at night! I had nightmares daily for a week!

To be honest, I didn’t know that there was a movie called World War Z until last week on Saturday. Now before you are all like “uhh, do you live under a rock?” Actually, yes, yes I do. Anyway’s, my Uncle popped in the Blue-ray he had just picked up and made us all watch it. I personally liked the movie, even though everyone else I talk to thinks it’s a hot steaming pile of cow shit. It’s not your typical Zombie movie which makes it interesting. 12 seconds to convert? Only infecting a “healthy” living host. It takes a very creepy spin from regular stupid zombies. Makes you believe that a pandemic outburst like this could happen. Fuck You! It got my attention. So much so that I decided to watch it twice too! Lets not forget talking about it with almost anyone I encounter and royally pissing them off. HAPPY FACE 😀

Making scenarios and comments like – I now fear taking the subway because what IF! or IF something like this were to EVER happen, you got guns right? I can hide out at your place correct?

The real problem here is….I’m not ready for a apocalyptic takeover of ANYTHING! Not even Bunnies! *cries* Errr…

BRAINS!